It's time for a revival!

I wish I could say I have it all figured out and the world is one big rosy place to abide. With all the political craziness, I have come to realize (again) that God truly is the only one that can save this place. It isn't that I didn't know this already but I had begun to depend on people and things only to have it crash again. You would think we would learn that the only one we can truly trust is God.

God does want us to trust in people in order to love and be free of the world's grip, but we have to remember that even that trust will be broken. God gives us his word to fall on when the world starts to slip away and people act bratty. Right now, I am so sick to my stomach over the police shootings around the country for the last year. I realize police shootings have been happening for a while now but right now, it hurts. People blame politics, they blame the media, they blame each other, but the reality is we are so broken as a people and until we turn to the one who created us, we will only continue to see things get worse.

My Christian friends, I am worried about you. I am worried you don't see this for what it is. I am worried that you, too, are blaming media and politics. I am worried you aren't turning to God right now and praying for this nation. Now, I know most of you pray for your kids, for your family, for your schools and those things around you but the prayer we need right now is that we are open to sharing the Gospel with everyone we meet. It isn't about changing a policy or changing a person's political beliefs, it is about changing our hearts to accept the one who created us. Get out and share the Gospel like you never have and that is when you will see a change in the world.

for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

2 Timothy 1:7

It's just not fair...

Sometimes I wonder why God has chosen me to be where I am, doing what I am doing. Life has taken me on a long road of trials, longer than I wanted or ever dreamed of, but I do know God has been by my side since I was a little girl. I have never doubted He was there and I never doubted He didn't have a plan for me. I just didn't like it and didn't want to submit to Him. The fear of the unknown had me trapped. Had me stuck in a rut I was too stubborn to let go of. Too stubborn to forgive, to forget, and to move on. Never in my life had it been so difficult.

Today, as I drove home I was angry at who I had become in the faith I had in Jesus. I let it go and stayed angry and unforgiving. I stayed bitter and I hung on to things only I was hurting from. Dumb! As I drove home, all I could think about was how I didn't stand up for my faith and I didn't trust in my Jesus. Instead, I trusted in the lies the world has told me.

Revenge is sweet.
Do unto others as they do unto you.
Rebellion feels good.

Now, don't get me wrong, I never acted on any of these thoughts but I sure wanted to...more times than once. I even sat across from a woman who told her story of running from God and in that moment, I thought about how brave she was to abandon God in those years and secretly wished I had the courage. Crazy, huh!?

Of course, my fear of God kept me from running. I just stayed angry like a little brat stomping her feet, crying out, "this isn't fair!"

And then I realized, what is fair?
Was it fair that Jesus died on the cross for MY sins?
Was it fair that Judas turned his back on Jesus?
Or Peter denied him more than once?

Life is not fair and we do not deserve the grace we have been given, but God does love us and wants something better for each of us. When we fully surrender, the world around us gets smaller and much less significant. Turning to Him takes the focus off of ourselves and onto Him. Our lives change and we begin to truly live in His presence and not what the world has thrown at us. When we think and live like Jesus we start to realize that those that hurt us are hurting more than we can imagine.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. -Matthew 5:43-45

Those Thoughts are not from God

My faith in God is strong and I have always had an innate sense to do right. It may be some of my Catholic influence as a young child or my grandmother always expecting the best of me, but long before I was a Christian, I knew right from wrong and always tried to do right. I value integrity and honesty and try to be true to that in my own life. I expect in others. In relationships, I work on being fair and couldn't pull off a poker face if I tried. I try to see the best in others and I work on not making assumptions or jumping to conclusions, but boy I missed a good poker face and was completely fooled.

The result of my lack of discernment shook my faith and caused so much anger. For months, I couldn't go out for a run without being attacked by my own thoughts. Recently, I heard that our mind races at an insane speed and I believe it. Have you been there? You are consumed by thoughts that take you spiraling in a whirlwind going so fast you can't stop yourself and at some point don't you might not want to. You think things that you would never say out loud and you imagine the what if's. You play back conversations, car rides, lunches and moments when you felt like they really understood and had your best interest at heart. Purging a few weeks ago, I came across a picture, and then another, and then a gift-all leading me back to the situation. I was so deceived there are moments I can't believe she actually fooled me. There are times when I have almost convinced myself that it's impossible. No one could be so cruel and deceitful with their words, their time and their perceived friendship. And it happened, my heart was broken and I was angry, sad, and in disbelief.

While God is working on my broken heart, the demons are attacking me almost daily. So many thoughts have flooded my mind that are not from God and I have been trying to fight them off. In our humanness we allow another human being with a free will to bring us down with them. We lose our sense of goodness every time we entertain a thought not from a God who loves us and values us. While I know logically and scripturally that I am His, I still am fighting demons. They know my weakness and will do everything they can to gain my attention. My battle with pride and anger is exhausting at times, but in the end, it is my pride that keeps me from fully surrendering and moving on. A pride I never knew I had until these moments. 

A pride that keeps us from loving. 

A pride that hinders our relationship with God and others. 

A pride that sinks deep in our soul and makes us sick to our stomach. 

A pride that can be addicting. 

The pain caused by another human being can cut deep, but losing Jesus is so much more painful. My wounds are deep and my heart has been broken, but I know with time God will heal this heart and this will just be a memory in the past.

"Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up."

James 4:10

Friendship Changed my Story

If you have been following my story for the last year, I have been down some dark roads and struggled through the toughest challenges of my life. Those who knew me as a teen may argue, but seriously, this year has rocked me in so many ways I could never have imagined. Strange at times, unexplainable at best. But yesterday was a turning point. Another one. Another, because I have had a few in the last year. They actually scare me a little in fear that something bad will happen again. It seems that every time I got back up, someone knocked me down again. Damn them!

But I keep getting back up for one more shot. So, here I am. Back up and moving forward. And this time, I am a little more vulnerable. This time I voiced my thoughts to a friend. I shared my heart for just a few minutes and that was it. A friend I knew wouldn't judge me, or the situation, and would simply love me and encourage me in my faith and in my desire to move on. Up to this point, I had created a psych ward in my head from all my insecurities (paraphrased from Beth Moore), spinning out of control at every little memory.

For the past six months, I have asked for prayer, for grace, for forgiveness. Not for me. I freely take grace and forgiveness, I just don't always dole it out. Holding on to hurt has trapped me from everything. It has kept me from God. From friends and most importantly, from loving others. I stayed trapped in my "psych ward" of insecurity for the last six months. Six months. Torturing myself while everyone else has moved on. But yesterday, I let out the thoughts and it felt good. It was strange that it only took a short chat with a friend to relieve the anxiety I had been carrying for. six. months. We can't always take on the world by ourselves. Yes, God is our protector and Savior but we were created to be in community with others here on earth. We are here to support one another and love each other, yet, my pride gets in the way of this sometimes and I think I can do it on my own.

Friends. They are hard to find and more hard to keep in this busy, self-absorbed society, but I have a few. And fortunately, yesterday, God had me ready to open up and share. And I finally felt free of my own thoughts. I under-estimated the impact a friend can have when I am struggling. I tried to handle it on my own but I couldn't. My wounds were deep but my faith was stronger. My friend listened and reminded me that I am human and yet, strong and loved. She validated me and showed me that I will get through it because of my faith. I needed that. I needed someone to tell me. I knew it....in my head. But sometimes we need someone to come alongside and remind us.

Last night, I imagined God as my father looking down on my begging me to come back. I imagined Him trying to put his arms around me while I stood stiff. I imagined tears trickling down his cheeks as I glared in anger. I imagined Him not speaking but tenderly looking at me with eyes of such sadness that I just couldn't withhold anymore. I thought about being a mother and how painful it would be if my son turned on me the way I had turned on God the last six months.

With my friend and with my God, I am reminded of how much we need each other on earth, and that we cannot live this life in isolation. Even though rejection has flooded me the last year, I know my heart breaks because I have loved deeply. And that is better than not to have loved at all.

So, here I am, going out on a limb again. Trusting. Loving. Forgiving.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

24 and 21 years, it's just time

It hasn't been easy. I read the police report again today and it said the man went into a diabetic coma and didn't even stop when he hit the rear left tire that sent my husband flipping around across the overpass at Christianitos Road. It wasn't until he hit a bank back on the freeway a mile or so up. He didn't even know what had happened.

I don't remember too many details of that day, except that I was picked up at the campground in a police car with a female office who wouldn't say a word. At the hospital I sat in the waiting room for hours not knowing what was going on. My brother with me, neither of us said much for the time we were there. Someone finally called to see what was going on and asked to talk to the nurse for me. A little while later, I went into ICU and he was strapped to a board and dazed. We didn't say much to each other, he couldn't move and was barely alert. The doctors didn't tell me anything, or at least I don't remember them saying his jaw was dislocated, his arm and shoulder had lacerations or even that he was struggling to remember anything.

We were at the hospital for a long time and I have no idea what happened that weekend. Our stuff at the campground, getting home. It was my first year teaching and I had to call in and didn't know how so I called the principal while I was there. I took Monday off. And maybe Tuesday.

Twenty one years later, we just celebrated twenty four years since our wedding day, but for Rob, it is only twenty one. That day changed everything. I got a new husband and he woke up with a wife. He didn't leave, although he may have wanted to wondering how the heck he ended up with me. He probably figured this was his life, so he stuck around and tried figuring it out. His mouth was wired shut for a few months so he had a lot of time to observe. To watch people come and visit him. Our friends at the time and little did they or I know, he had no idea who we were. Eventually, they moved on and it was just us. And after that he thought he had me fooled. But I knew something was different. Even years later, his parents came for the first time and they noticed. We started over, sorta. We made new friends, we opened a business, we changed churches...over and over again.

But regardless of all this, I loved him from the day I married him and love him more today than ever before. We've been through a lot together, he and I. Secrets for years of the memory loss and brain damage but I have never stopped loving him. No accident, no memory loss, no change in behavior altered how I felt about the love we had, even if he didn't fully grasp it. I knew God had me here to love and be faithful to him from the beginning. He is still Rob, the guy with compassion for others, who is kind and does things to makes others comfortable. The guy who is often misunderstood but loves anyway. The dad who would do anything for his son. The husband who wants the best for his wife.

Life sometimes takes a turn on us and we don't expect it. Maybe we had a dream of a career that went a different direction. Maybe we thought we would have kids, only to find out we can't. Maybe we wanted to live in a big house overlooking the ocean only to find that the job we have doesn't allow it. No matter what I have ever wanted in life, God has always given me far more than I could ever imagine.

My "new" husband in 1995, changed who I was. He made me love more, have more faith, and he taught me about perspective and living life every day the best you can. To be your best even when others suck. Even when circumstances aren't what you want. To appreciate the day we have and the time we get each day because we know more than anyone that today could be the last.

The story of Naomi and Ruth reminds me that our circumstances aren't always what we planned. Both of these women had a loss and one was young and could go on without the other but she stuck by her. I love the trust and care Ruth has in Naomi and her willingness to stay by her side in this time.

"But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severly, if even death separates you and me. When Naomi realizes that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her."

Ruth 1: 16-18

Looking for a Challenge? Try this Uphill Battle

It's probably been three or four years since I have hit Skyline trailhead in Corona but this time was much different.

Only three of us showed up this week for our run, and I hope it wasn't my pick of trails. Although everyone else knew what we were in for except me. First of all, the trailhead and parking is much better now that they have paved a way behind the houses and a street provides all the parking. And it's free! It's probably been this way for a while but I hadn't been here in a few years or so. The first time, it was a family bonding event with my brother and his family as we "hiked" it with a stroller in tow talking about the latest of events in our lives. Strenuous I remember, but not too much to handle that day.

Running, though. Much different approach to this trail. Bonnie and Robert knew it and had run it quite a few times. Robert even reminisced about the days when you could drive to the top and as we ran this day, we did see a car off the cliff in the depths of the hills. With chains and gates, I am not sure how it got there but some people are still finding ways to drive it. The road is big enough for a car, but is limited to cyclists, runners and walkers. Get there early if you don't want to walk to the trailhead. Cars were already lined up halfway down Foothill Parkway by 6:30 am.

Once you hit the path off of Foothill Parkway, the trailhead is about a mile up a paved road behind some houses. Once you get to the trail, you simply climb upward with some hairpin turns and relentless elevation. On the trail, it is busy with walkers and a few runners for the first mile or so but they start to taper off after that. As you climb, you will see more cyclists working their way up only later to pass you on their way down.

About three miles up, it gets a bit rocky but still a moderate run path for the most part. The challenge of this trail was in the uphill climb. There is absolutely no break in elevation or any flat areas to the doppler. But if you slow down a bit in the early morning you can catch a beautiful sunrise and views of the Inland Empire and San Gabriel Mountains. The morning was warm already but the views were worth it. We took the road up about four miles and headed back down. The sun was hot and your legs start to burn when you run uphill that many miles. I am still lagging a bit behind everyone but I am hanging in there, hoping to hit a growth spurt in speed and distance in the next few weeks.

Once we headed down, we flew. I flew so much that at some point, I was afraid I would trip over my feet when my legs seemed to slow down. I am pretty sure we got to the bottom in half the time. And as always, everyone enjoyed the run and wanted to return.

Another one on the books with 11 more weeks to go!

Ragnar hits the Road in Anaheim

I nearly died at seven miles, but we kept going until we hit ten. My sister-in-law is an animal and pushed me to the end. Don't get me wrong, this is not a difficult trail by any means. It is actually pretty flat and not so challenging at all, except for the distance and possibly the heat, if you aren't ready for it.

The team met up a Yorba Regional Park, Anaheim, at 6:30 am. to run the Santa Ana River trail. Against my wishes, they fight me for an earlier time every week. Something about the heat and the humidity. But all I can think of is, it is Saturday for goodness sakes. Needless to say, they win. We all drive a distance to meet up, but this was a little closer so I didn't have to get up too early.

When you arrive, the park is already bustling on a Saturday in July with cyclist, runners, and dog walkers. When we pull in I have a chance to spark up a conversation with a lady getting ready to head out on a ride. This particular morning, she was heading out with her team for 75 miles. Eeeek! Not only was she riding 75 miles, she was making three loops to do it. I don't know about you, but I don't enjoy the hamster wheel. The same scenery, the same ride, three times in a row? I probably would have to stop at 25 or take a different route for more. On the other hand, I think the route is to the beach and back. I may be tempted to just stop at the beach for awhile and return the loop later in the day. Have lunch, enjoy the sun, relax a bit.

Good for me, I wasn't taking that route, but I did see her on my run about an hour or so later. She nearly ran me over with her bike. Of course, you could take the same run to the beach, but we weren't up for a 25-miler that day. It seems each week, the team wavers between 8-10 miles depending on where we are and who has to be where later in the day.

On this particular day, I don't think we ever decided how far we would go, we simply hit the ground running away from the beach on the Santa Ana River trail. The route is pretty easy to follow but you do have some choices along the road. As I am writing this, the city is doing some construction so there are some detours that lead you to the roadside for a few miles. They have put a barrier on the side to keep runners, walkers and cyclist safe from the traffic but the trail itself was quite busy even at 6:30 in the morning. Local high school cross country teams were running, in addition to, moms with strollers, individuals and other groups like ours.

Once you turn up and over a small hill, you veer left off the road where the trail takes you into Canyon RV park nestled in Featherly Wilderness Preserve in the heart of Santa Ana Canyon. The scenery is quite beautiful at this point. It weaves in and through trees and greenery down to the Pacific Ocean in Huntington Beach if you choose to go farther. We turned around at about five miles in to complete a ten miler for the day.

My near death experience wasn't because of the trail but because on a Saturday in July, I decided not to carry water and may have been a bit dehydrated. The sun beat down on us most of the run, until you hit the campground. If you like road runs, some may think this one to be boring but I enjoyed the fresh air in the canyon, and on another day, may have gone a little further to enjoy the scenery. It is an easy flat trail with some shade and cooler breezes but it does take a few miles to get to it when you leave from the park.

It's not God's fault

"What looks like a setback is really God setting you up to get you to the fullness of your destiny."-Joel Olsteen

It is in the dark of the night that thoughts haunt me and the world doesn't seem fair. It is in the wee hours of the morning that I shake my fist at God asking him why. I had surrendered it all to Him and it still went bad. How could this happen? Was I not faithful enough? Did I not love enough? My biggest fears play out right in front of me while all I can do is watch and listen. Days turned into weeks turned into months and years. I didn't want to believe, I didn't want to see what was right in front of me the entire time. And then like a bomb, it crashed. I felt it and I knew it, but never confronted it directly.

Things changed after that. I tried to find answers only to get more angry. My thoughts spiraled out of control and I started to believe Satan's lies, building on the hurt in my heart that moved to a physical disability in my gut. Satan had his grip on me telling me lies, testing my faith. I had been faithful, so much that he attacked and God let him. Why God? Why have you forsaken me? It was a battle of the spirit and I was losing. I was letting him get a hold of me, shaking my faith. The only thing I knew to be true. Surrendered it all! And now what?

What do we do when we feel like our trust in God was all in vain? When the single most important decision you ever made failed you? No scripture, no song, no sermon could get me back. I ignored the songs, I stopped reading and I stopped listening. It seemed to me more lies.

And then I realized that it's man's free will that was shaken, not my faith. Things could have been better and my attitude was not always spot on even though I had surrendered it all. I hadn't loved like Jesus and I had been focused on the wrong goals, so my life got shaken up. And instead of changing my attitude, I continued to be angry. I let things happen instead of speaking up. I convinced myself that giving it to God was enough. But I didn't listen to him and take action. Sometimes we have to do more than pray and sadly, I have learned this the hard way.

It doesn't just look like a "setback," I let it be one. But now as I come to realize that it isn't God but the world around me full of insecurities and selfish ambitions, I can move forward. The world sucks sometimes and no matter how much faith you have, God allows the world to turn as it will. He allows us free will and along with that, everyone makes their own decisions. Believers fall. Believers lack judgement. Insecurities cause people to stumble, to hurt, to let go of what they know is right, even with their faith in God.

But this is not my swan song, I am picking myself up and moving on. Sometimes we have to shake it off and reset to have the fullness of the life God wanted for us. If we continue to wallow in our sadness, we lose. Did you hear that, we lose. I lose. No one else. While others move on, we are are sometimes left to pick up the pieces of the mess they left behind. And although it isn't right, we don't have to be victims to the world's lack of judgement and insecurity. If we continue to hold on to the anger and the pain, we only hurt ourselves and never see our full potential in this life. As Andy Andrews says, "The bad news is that the past was in your hands, but the good news is that the future , my friend, is also in your hands."

I will not hold on to the lies of the world.
I will not allow the world to shake what I know to be true.

Because from this moment, I will live a life of love, peace and joy.

"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:6

Two girls, a Truck and a Trailer

Two girls, a truck and a trailer headed up the mountain for some training runs. A simple spontaneous suggestion to get a site turned into one of the best overnights on Big Bear Lake. A few days before, a friend of mine said let’s go up the mountain for a training run. We can take the trailer and do some hiking and running. As much as I have been on the mountain, I have only actually camped a few times. Once with my neighbors in San Gorgonio where bears lurked outside of our tent and scavenged through the red vines and hamburger buns left out from dinner, and the other time at Green Valley Lake to try out our new tent.

So, this time I set out to book Green Valley again, no bears for this girl. But when I searched the mountain and saw that Serrano was on the North side of the lake near trails, I booked it.  I always get a little nervous when I book campsites because you never know what you will get. But this was exactly what these two girls needed to get away for a night.

We arrived around noon with the horse trailer in tow. As you can imagine, two girls in a truck backing in a trailer, we had a lot of observers. But Jeanne killed it! First time, no adjusting, just pull in, back it up, set it up. I was impressed. A few minutes later, we were out, unpacked and eating some lunch. Heading out the campground by foot, we trekked over to the Cougar Crest trail, a five-mile hike round trip to the Pacific Coast Trail and back. The afternoon was perfect with the sun shining over the lake and the view from the top reminded me how small I was in this big world. This is God’s country and I am only one piece in the big picture.

As the sun was setting, a quick trip to Starbucks on the South side of the lake had us sitting with some locals for some coffee and tea, chatting about dogs, tents and what is important in life.

The next morning we headed out to the Alpine Pedal Trail for a run. Don’t be fooled by the name, yes, there are some bike riders, but we saw more running and dog walking. From the campground, we hit the trail and headed out to the Stanfield bridge. Only a few miles out, we decided to run towards town and found ourselves on the Wildlife Reserve running across bridges and into trails. As the sun came out, it was pretty warm but the view can’t be beat.

For an overnight trip, this was perfect! From Serrano, we never had to get back in the car to hike the hills or run the lake on road and trail. Starbucks was a treat, but definitely not necessary.

God is good to me. After a pretty sucky year, I am so thankful for the gifts of friendship, nature and love he continually provides me every day. He surprises me every morning and throughout my day with small wonders.

Keep an eye out and you will see his miracles and mercy, too. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 

A view from the trail. There's a bench to take a break if you want to breathe in the big picture. 

Addiction

Addiction is real.

If you have ever loved an addict, you know the pain it causes every day. The saddest part is they have no idea that they pain they feel is only part of the pain that you feel when have to sit back helplessly watching them destroy relationships, jobs and themselves. Their. Entire. Life.

If you know me, you know I draw a hard line on alcohol, tobacco and most forms of drugs, including over the counter stuff. Some people have thought it was my faith in God and others may know a little of my story and make a connection, but the reality is, I believe some of us are prone to addiction.

Myself, included. And I fight it, but
I see it when I work until I can't stay up any longer;
I see it in when I run through an injury to prove myself;
I see it when our family schedule is so packed we are eating out every night;
I see it in almost anything I set out to do.

But I fight it.
I fight to keep balance.

So...I don't drink. I don't smoke. Because I am afraid. The reality is no one sets out to be an addict, but eventually, one thing leads to another and you find yourself depressed and lonely.

Addicts often don't realize they are addicts. But you recognize them when they are always late for the party. Or they call to cancel at the last minute because they don't feel well. They often leave early. They promise to bring something and simply forget. They say things, do things and believe things that are just plain wrong. They feel sorry for themselves. They cry, they laugh, they yell-all in the same hour.

And those who love an addict
cry for them,
yell at them,
say mean things back to them,
cry for them,
worry about them,
make excuses for them,
and feel helpless.

For years I was angry, but eventually came to realize that just like other relationships, when one person is fixated on a problem, the only one hurting is the affected. The addict doesn't care about me, any more than the friend that betrayed me. They are the same. They both move on, while I am left picking up the pieces of my own sadness and guilt. They call is a disease, but seriously, Cancer is a disease, Alzheimers is a disease, Parkinson's is a disease; alcoholism and drug abuse is a choice.

If you are someone who knows an addict, I encourage you to let go of your anger and your fear. The children, the wife or husband, the mother and father of an addict, have to create a boundary for their feelings and responses. Love them, forgive them, pray for them, and know you are not in control and ultimately, it is their choice to make a change.

Romans 12:20

I believe that your life must be blessed through forgiving others. Would you like to choose to forgive for the benefit of others? Maybe your decisions can bring an opportunity of redemption for others.

Week 2: Surf City USA

Week 2 training for Ragnar is on! This week, we headed out to good ol’ 9^th street in Huntington Beach, CA. Not unfamiliar to me, or any of my boot camp girls, running PCH never disappoints. With a paved trail and the sand and ocean on your side, you can’t go wrong with this run and in this case, my team. I absolutely love that we all just show up with no question and it is not until we sync our running apps and turn up the volume on the headphones, does someone pop the question, “How far are we going?” Eyes shift and we all make a joke or two about getting to breakfast, but we are ready to hit the ground running. Six sounds good.

Today, the sun was hidden, as it typically is in the early morning, but it hasn’t stopped So Cal to come out to play. Seven am and you would think it was lunch hour on the trail. People walking, running, biking; kids begging mom to come to the water to play; families trekking across the trail with ice chests and easy ups to save a spot at the fire pit for the family reunion. Just what you would expect at the beach on a Saturday in July! But there was more as we shuffled our feet towards Newport Beach. Volleyball tournaments, surfing contests, lifeguard trainings and a street fair to busy the roads, the sand and even the parking lots.

Stopping to take a few pics, I found myself overwhelmed by everything that was going on. After the first mile or so, I realized we have two types of runners in our group today; the one who watches three feet in front of him to make sure he doesn’t trip or run into someone and the one who can’t stop looking. I’ll call the first one, “the fast and furious” runner, the one who moves swiftly through the crowds, dodging walkers and kids, and listens to the beat of her music while working towards a consistent pace. He is focused on getting to the finish line, getting his heart rate up and beating his own time. While the other, I will call “the distracted and dangerous” runner, the one who slows his pace when something catches his eye, picks up his pace when she realizes her team is at least a half mile ahead, stops for a photo, cheers on the seniors as they run past her, engages in small talk with a man who sits with his backpack and is amazed by the early morning hustle and excitement this day already has started. She sees things, hears things, smells things and takes it all in. When the run is over, she can appreciate the man walking his bull mastiff, or the women who chat with friends while taking a morning walk, or the family setting up for the day. When the run is over, she wants to go back because the ocean calms and running excites.

As a child, I spent many days with friends, sno cones and jack in the box on the south side of the pier.  But one thing I took for granted was that I live this close to a place that brings peace and energy, and promises that I can do anything I want. Whether you are the “fast and furious” or the “distracted and dangerous” runner, you can go 1 mile or 20, and along this trail, you will always have a different experience.

Depending on the race you want to win that day, choose your inner runner. Sometimes we need to go fast, but sometimes we need to slow down and simply enjoy the noise.

Psalm 96:11

Let the heavens rejoice; let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is within it.

Training Runs have Begun!

A few months ago, my sister-in-law posted a booking for a flight to Hawaii to run a Ragnar. Immediately, I signed up. Before this, I NEVER, I mean, never, had a desire to run a Ragnar Relay. But Hawaii?? Seriously, I was in without question, but had to convince her to let me on the team. A few days later, I booked my flight. Then, my son and his friend's flight and no sooner I had recruited two more friends to join the team. Now, if you don't know what a Ragnar is, it's 200 (and in this case more) mile relay with a team of up to 12 members. Our crazy team, thinks 10 members is enough. Something about sweating in vans, but I am not buying it. They just love running! I just love Hawaii and if I have to run, I will. It takes like 36 hours or something to get to the end. I figured people have done before, so I should be fine. I mean, I will be in paradise for a few days. 

So, this week we headed out for our first training run as a team to the trails in Weir Canyon.

And Wow! We sure live in a beautiful place that continues to amaze me. Not knowing what to expect, I was thinking maybe I go a little longer when I heard it was only a 4 miler. But was I surprised to find that 4 miles was enough to get my heart racing and my blood pumping.

The trailhead started at the end of a road in the Hidden Canyon estates and all I could see was a hill in front of me. For the first half-mile we were moving upward on a dirt trail until when we finally get to the top. It was hard not to stop and take in the view. And we found ourselves doing this a few times on the run. The first few miles continued to climb upward and each time we rounded a corner, the view got even better. It went for miles and was absolutely stunning with rolling hills and large homes on the top looking over a lake. As we made our way around and moved downward, the switchbacks took us through a cooler route with trees along the side of the trail.

Whether you are a runner, hiker, horseback rider or mountain biker, these trails will give you whatever adventure you need. From steep climbs to fast drops, the trails have it all. You can traverse into many directions and go for miles, or simply take a loop and head back. For our team, the four-mile loop was just enough to get our first training run in for the upcoming Ragnar race. 

God has so much for us to explore and if you don't stop and pay attention to what is around you, you will miss it. Hawaii is going to be beautiful, but I can drive less than 30 minutes and enjoy a view that our creator has left for us. 

Psalm 19: 1-6
How clearly the sky reveals God's glory!
    How plainly it shows what he has done!
 Each day announces it to the following day;
    each night repeats it to the next.
 No speech or words are used,
    no sound is heard;
 yet their message goes out to all the world
    and is heard to the ends of the earth.
God made a home in the sky for the sun;

    it comes out in the morning like a happy bridegroom,
    like an athlete eager to run a race.
 It starts at one end of the sky

    and goes across to the other.

 Nothing can hide from its heat.

just Listen and Dream together

Sunday, we headed to the Hollywood hills. Not ever trekking to the infamous sign, we decided this was the day. Knowing it would be crowded, I tried to find an alternate route or trail or something difficult. Unfortunately, the trails were packed and there was no escaping the crowds on Mother's Day. But it was a great day, nonetheless and we never even got close to the sign after all. 

What's nice about this hike is, it's relatively close if you are near the LA area and easy to get to from a few directions. The trails are marked and signs are everywhere to get you to the sign and to Griffith Observatory. We took the Trail Canyon route where at the start you could check out the bat cave from the 1960's. We didn't, but plenty of walkers headed that way first. 

The sign is in the hills, so the hike is up hill...all the way. At times, pretty steep and pretty dirty and dusty. It wasn't a particularly hot day, so we made it easily through the winding uphill climb. 

As someone who works indoors all day, every day, getting out on the weekends is a must, but getting out with family can be challenging with schedules that consume us. Since it was Mother's Day, no complaints or excuses were made. We got up, ate breakfast, and headed out. What I love on our hikes together is not just breathing in the fresh air and appreciating all God has given us to enjoy, but the conversations and the challenges of the day. When you are out in the open and free, you share your dreams and your ideas, you sometimes have to struggle through the heat of the climb or the windy day and work together to get to the top. With an 18-year-old getting ready to graduate in a few weeks, I cherish each of these days. 

I listen to his dreams, his fears, and his triumphs. 
I hear him concerned about the future and what life will be like. And I want to tell him it is all going to work out but sometimes, he just needs me to listen and hear. 


Instead, I keep quiet or ask questions. 
I try not to advise, although sometimes it's difficult. 
I try not to judge and let him figure it out, but it is hard. 
I love him and tell him I am proud of who he has become. 
I tell him it will be different, but it is good. 

At the end of the day, we conquered the hill and we saw the the sign but most important, we lived and breathed and learned...together.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

-Proverbs 22:6

Cutting the Cord

It was probably 6th grade when a parent said to me, "it is time to cut the cord," when I didn't want to leave Jacob home for 30 minutes to wait for a ride somewhere. I insisted on staying and waiting until I knew he was safely picked up and on his way. That phrase stuck with me but I never could head to it. For years, I continued to check in frequently, wait up at night, or at least wake up in a panic when I realized it was 1 am and I didn't hear him come in, and still have to know the schedule each day.

A few weeks ago, I was up before the sun making sure everything was packed and praying with Jacob as he was heading to Nashville with a group of 20 kids, a choir director and a few parents. And I wasn't one of them this time. Rob rolled out of bed as we were getting ready to leave and we all jumped in the car to drop him off at school for an early bus to LAX. With recent events and crazy news, I worried a little for his travel but more than that, I realized this was his first trip away from home for this long without us.

As parents we complain about technology and how it consumes our kids, but today, with many miles between us, I was thankful for the text I received to let me know that my guesstimate of a 25-pound bag was actually 47 pounds, barely making the maximum limit. I got a video from a mom on the plane of the kids singing, and I got a text when the plane landed. Ok, ok, you might be thinking "helicopter mom." Well, you'd be right if I actually ignored the request that I didn't go on the trip and went anyway. Or I followed the bus to the airport. I didn't do any of those things and I let him out of the car at school without embarrassing him. But believe me, I wanted to go on the trip, and I wanted to make sure he got to the airport safely.

Parenting has brought so much joy in our home. Sure, there are days when you look at your child and think, "What planet are you from?" or "Who raised you?" but most days are good. Every day, I look forward to coming home and checking in with my little man. Bugging him, as a mom should, about his day and who he talked to, and what did he do after school and what were his plans for the night or the weekend or life. And every day, he plays along. He shares the day, sits with me for dinner and sometimes hangs out to watch a few of our favorite shows.

In the last few months, some things have changed and I know it is time for me to let go a little more. With the end of his Senior year coming and college looming over us in a few months, I know life as we know it will change. As a mom, I have done everything I knew to teach him, train him and guide him in doing the right things. Now, it is time to let go and let him make his own decisions and trust that he will make good choices.

Parents, if there is anything I can share in this experience it is to embrace every moment, even the messy ones, because time really does fly by when you are raising kids. Enjoy the games, the plays, the Open Houses and everything in between. Take time to chat and sit and hang out. Stop. Breathe. Pray. God gave me this little guy 18 years ago and I never knew a love like this. Being a parent changes how you view the world and gives you a heart you couldn't have imagined before having children. 

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”

Psalm 127:3

Spontaneous Getaway

I am always up for a weekend road trip with the family, but with Jacob out of town, Rob and I took to the road without a real plan. Realizing we had the dog, we packed him up as well and found a pet-friendly hotel near San Jose. I never thought I would be one to take a dog on vacation to a hotel. Camping, yes! but a hotel? I was never too much of a dog-lover, even being accused at one point of kicking one at a friend's house.

After rearranging my stupidly-busy schedule to be done working by noon, we headed out midday Saturday. Quickly packing a few things in our backpacks, we headed north. Reading about a trail in San Jose that overlooked the Silicon Valley, we drove all day to get there. Driving through the rolling hills towards Hollister/San Jose and then through a small town with fruit stands at every corner makes you forget the hustle of the every day. In the jeep with the top off, the air was warm and the drive a relaxing way to spend a Saturday evening. With a quick stop at the outlets in Gilroy for a little shopping, we were almost to our destination for the night.


Waking up at the crack of dawn to catch a sunrise was our next adventure. Hoping this day would bring more excitement than dinner the night before, we checked out and headed to the top of the Open Space Reserve. Driving miles through a thick marine layer, we finally cleared the top and the sun was peeking out. At the top, we looked over a blanket of fluffy white landscape. As we waited, we watched the layers come and go and the sun come up. We didn't see the Silicon Valley but the morning air and view was still a sight to see.


If you only have a weekend, LA to San Jose can be a beautiful way to see a little country road, rolling hills, and the beach. After the sun came up, we headed South stopping at one of the fruit stands for avocados and raw honey from a local beekeeper. Our next stop was the quaint shops in San Luis Obispo for lunch. From there, we headed to the sandy dunes of Pismo to check out the ocean. A little cooler down the 101 but worth the drive and the sights.


Sometimes you gotta let loose and head out of town for a day or two to remind yourself you are human and that the world is bigger than the place you go to work every day and the life you live is as good as you want it to be. For me, heading out of town is an escape. An escape from the mundane, an escape from the chores, from the busyness. As many responsibilities I have, when I get in the passenger seat of the jeep, I am free. My mind wanders away from the negativity and the stresses of work to a place of peace and freedom. I can rest and appreciate the work I have done.

Whatever it is for you, find it and do it. For some, it may be taking a bike ride, walking the dog, or listening to your favorite playlist. Whatever it is, allow yourself to be free a little bit each day, even if only for an hour, take a moment to rest. You will breathe easier, think more clearly, and be you.

God rested on the last day for a reason. His work was done and he sat to enjoy it. Let us be people who enjoy the life we created. Let us sit. Let us be.

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.   

Genesis 2:2

Geesh, God! What's Next?

Only after a few weeks of making a public claim that life could only get better this year, it took a big u-turn. I really did think I had experienced it all. I had been challenged enough in every one of my relationships and in every possible situation imaginable and unimaginable. But no, it wasn't over yet.

Of course, I tried to keep it to myself to not upset those around me but I cracked. I always crack. I couldn't help it. But in just a few minutes it was passed on and we moved on. It was a big event day.

It is always a big event day. Funny, how God seems to think the big event will distract me enough to get me through it all. Or maybe it is His way of putting things on pause so my mind doesn't spiral out of control. When something eats at your heart, it is hard to stay cool, but I did for the next few hours. No one knew. I smiled, I took pictures, I focused on what was in front of me.

Or at least I thought I did. I tried. I really did this time. I mean, sometimes, you have to trust the situation and move on.

But this time, my crazy mind replayed conversations, scenarios and unexplainable events over again in my head. And over and over again. And then one day, I woke up angry! I hadn't let it go and now I wanted answers. But then again, did I?

Sometimes in life things happen that truly are unexplainable, and in this situation I may or may not ever know the truth. I simply have to trust that what I know is what I need to know right now. We have to trust that God is in control and that as long as we are doing the right thing, in the end, He will come and peace will prevail. I know I need to settle with God during this time, but that doesn't mean it is easy. Small reminders rear their head of the pain I felt on that day and all the times before but I have to put my faith in the One greater than me if I am ever going to move on.

“The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him.” Nahum 1:7

God's Great Creation

If I could be on a hike every day of the week, I would. As I get older, the pace at which I work seems to take its toll on me. I am no longer energized by the fast-paced, never-ending pile of stress I used to enjoy all too much.

Today, I want to get away. I want to indulge in the great outdoors. Today, I want to breathe the fresh air and the beauty of the world I live in.

My adventurous spirit started back in high school with week long backpacking trips and a cycling road trip with my youth group. I love the outdoors and have longed, at times, to live where I can explore my own backyard.

Even though I can't have that right now, I do live in a beautiful place that can get me to the mountains or the beach in a day, along with a hike among trees or along an ocean.

And this day was no exception. We took to the road and searched trails on our way. We never really know where we are going when we pull out of our driveway. Top down, sun shining, we were heading north. It was already after noon, so we had to get somewhere quick if we were going to get in a decent hike. Trying to find a road less travelled, we passed on Eaton Canyon and drove a little farther to Echo Mountain. On the trailhead, we decided to take the narrow trail instead of following the crowds up to Inspiration Point. A historical spot for many, we maneuvered our way up a steep and rocky path to the top. Lizards shared our path as we climbed. It was hot and not an easy trail for most, but we wanted to see what was on the other side.

 After a short time, we made it and the view of Los Angeles was stunning. No matter where you go, or what you see, there is always something awesome of the the big world out in front of us. When I looked out, I saw the city of Angels standing tall out in the distance. All I could think of was how small it was in the landscape in front of me. Really, the "big city" is so small in the scheme of life. The hustle and bustle we crave is nothing, when we pan out a little. So, next time you are worrying about that deadline or that assignment that feels like the end of the world, remember it is not as big as you think.

"For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him." Colossians 1:16

Law and Grace

I am a rule follower. And I want everyone else to be one, too. I google map directions and trust they will get me to my destination; I read the instructions for almost everything I buy. I look up the same recipes I have made for years and follow the directions. My trust is that it will work right if I simply follow the directions. If you are like me, you are probably thinking right now, so what's wrong with that? People should follow directions and do things the right way. The problem is, I will mistake rules for law.

Law-the only way to do something. The right way. No other way can work. 

Stick to the rules. We live in a society that is much like this, and more often than not we are controlled by the rules of others. Of course, some rules protect us, while some rules protect those around us. They keep order.

But,

Sometimes, rules need to be broken.

Sometimes, a circumstance arrives that we don't expect. 

Sometimes, we need a little grace.

Grace-gettng what we don't deserve. Loving beyond the rules.

Grace is when we give up our rules and we extend something undeserved. Several years ago, our business was struggling and I had sent something back to a company. Weeks after I sent it back, they continued to bill me. I called every day to see if they received it. Finally, after a few months, I got a woman on the phone who listened to me. I told her when I sent it, that I didn't track it and now it was missing. The item was costly and we didn't have the money at that time to replace what was lost. Patiently, the woman on the other end said simply, "don't worry about it, I'll take care of it." At that moment, a huge burden was lifted and I hung up the phone with tears streaming down my face. This was a company who wanted their product back and I was a consumer claiming I had returned it. There was no tracking, no confirmation that it was sent and it was her word against mine. Whether or not she believed me didn't matter but she extended grace in my time of need. She broke the rules.  

I could tell countless items when a friend extended grace to me, but I, myself, struggle when my expectations are let down. But with grace, we assume the best in others and we live a life more selflessly than before. We overlook the situation and love on those around us. When we love others, grace is easy. 

Grace. Something undeserved. Something we all need from time to time. 

                                  “Do everything in love.”  1 Corinthians 16:14 NIV