Do what matters most

Sometimes I get overwhelmed. 

Yesterday, I woke up to a reminder that the cleaning service, that I apparently signed up for, would be arriving at 7:30. I had no idea I signed on for a repeat service when the Groupon came in last month. So, frantically, I went through the house picking things ups, moving things around, and realizing that had I not been so busy I would have seen this coming. With an inbox of over 150 emails, I am sure there was one that told me I had signed up. I would have a clean house when I came home but all I could think of was, "How did this happen?" "How did I get so busy that I signed up for something and didn't realize it?" I have been so caught up working that the house had become a second priority. And then it came upon me, the sense that I had lost control of everything. A typical morning now turned in to one that had everyone running frantic. If you have ever had a cleaning service, you get it. It's actually funny. We have to clean up, to get cleaned up. 

I left the house frustrated and sad. Frustrated because I had missed it and sad because I felt I had let the family down. Tears running down my face driving down the 91 sent me to work late with puffy eyes walking into a meeting with all eyes on me. I took a deep breath, pulled it together and got to work. We do that, when we leave the situation, we simply let it go in an instant and get to work. Getting home late that night, I had accomplished much but still have a full plate ready for the next day. 

Sometimes we let the moment get the best of us. Yes, I feel overwhelmed at times during the day, but in those moments I have to remember to take a deep breath and do something, something that moves the situation. Panic, frustration and tears don't make the feeling go away. So, when there is nothing we can do to change the situation around us, we have to start with our response. And when there are more things on your list than you have time for, do the things that matter most first. 

The house was clean when I came home and everything was back to normal. The tears, the frustration and sadness never should have been there. I let a simple situation get the best of me in a moment of panic. Don't we do that? 

Today, find that thing that matters most and do it first. Don't wait until everything else is done or until you are dead tired at the end of the day. Go to God and let him help you find peace in the chaos and then call your friend (or your mom), make cupcakes for the kids, or go for a run. Whatever it is that matters most to you, do it first. Everything else will be there tomorrow. 

… Luke 10:41But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; 42but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

Never Say Never

Two things I adamantly said, "no way, would I ever," have recently come to surface in my life. We do have choices, yes, but sometimes, the choice to go against something just because we don't want to, isn't great enough to fight. Don't get me wrong, I fought for weeks. I fought and fought against what I believed to be best, not just for me, but for everyone involved. Unfortunately, everyone involved won and I lost the battle. So, maybe it wasn't best for everyone, or maybe it wasn't best for me. I am not sure what God has planned but I do know He has a plan. He always does. And as many times as I have seen him change me in situations I fought, I still feel frustrated, angry and totally taken advantage of. As I continue to fight within myself trying to figure out how I will make it work without running away, I am reminded over and over again, that it is not my plan to make work. 

Sometimes, we are faced with situations we are not ready for and strongly believe we "would never." In these times, it is natural to feel frustrated, scared or even angry. Holding on to the those feelings will only make us more frustrated and stifle any possibility of our personal growth and change. As I am still learning to work through my frustrations, I know I cannot change the situation, but instead have to face it head on and be the best I can be with what God has given me. I am sure somewhere in all of this there is a lesson for me to learn, yet I am blinded by an overwhelming sense of "it's not fair," with a little stomping of my feet. OK, maybe more stomping my feet than I want to admit. And maybe it isn't fair, but then again, "life isn't fair," right? 

Not to say, I am not still fighting with God on this, but ultimately, I know I have to face the change. I know it is no longer my fight but His and I know He has given me the tools to work it out, if I simply trust in Him completely. It is our humanness that doesn't see the bigger plan He has for us. But in those times, especially, we have to trust in Him. We have to stop stomping our feet, blaming others and do what we are called to do. Even as I write that last sentence, I still want to say..."but..but..what about me?" It is never about me, or you, it is always about the bigger plan He has for our lives. Oh, sigh...I have a lot to learn, as I assume many of us do. 

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Hope in God, Nothing Else is Good Enough

Hope is when we anticipate something will get better. Hope is what drives us to keep going when times are tough, when it seems like our challenges are bigger than us, when we know we cannot do anything else in the moment of struggle. 

Hope is what makes me get up each day, knowing that whatever is ahead of me, God is going to make it better. When life feels overwhelming or when I don't want to be doing what I'm doing, I know there is a plan for me. I know God has me right where he wants me, even if I don't get it. And lately, I don't get it. I'm not sure why things happen the way they do and my controlling spirit wants to take the situation and fix it, change it or sometimes hide in a hole until it goes away. But when my head is clear and I look around me, I know I've got it good. I know that every opportunity I have has been given to me by God for a reason. I would never be where I am today without the hope in something greater than myself. Myself cracks on its own, myself breaks down at the simplest things, myself loses it's mind occasionally. 

Hope can take us from the deepest pit of our lives and move us to great things. It can change our attitude and our energy and our love towards others. It can bring us purpose and belief in things we never believed in before. 

It's when we lose hope, we fall. And if we let our minds get the best of us, it's hard to get out of it. But having faith in God gives each of us a reason to live and hope for better days and still enjoy the moments we are in. 

If God is not your hope, you hope in things and people. And to hope in any thing or any person will only disappoint you or abandon you or hurt you. It is inevitable in our humanness but God will never disappoint, abandon or hurt us in any way. He loves us just as we are and what a comfort that is. I have many flaws and many quirks that drive people crazy, but I know I am who I am because God created me. He alone is where I find my identity. In the same way, he created you just the way you are. We have to remember that our hope has to be in God and then we will live free of what others think, say and do. 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 

For Such a Time as This

Our husbands introduced us after they met at the car wash one Saturday afternoon. We become friends instantly when we realized we both loved to work out and lived close by. She rides a bike, I run. She pushes me to 20 miles, I push her to 5. She has girls, I have Jake. She has him and I have Rob. Our lives merged with conversations about kids, husbands, finances, jobs, weight loss and working out. It's only been about a year, but the one thing I love about our friendship is the love we both feel deeply for our kids and husband. Having a friend who deeply loves and cares for her kids and respects her husband in the same way has been such a blessing in my life the past year.

"My heart is breaking," she tells me repeatedly as I sit with her in the hospital room while her husband lay a few feet away from us with tubes, and needles and a whole lot of stuff poking into his body I don't understand. I don't even try, but it is obvious this is not going to be a quick recovery. She is tired, sad and although, I have met a new friend each time I am there, she is lonely.

"My whole life is laying in that bed," she manages to get out holding back tears and wiping her face. I can't respond, nothing I can say will take away the pain and the fear she has at this moment. Her friends keep telling her "you're strong, you're a fighter, he's a fighter, stay positive," but really is that enough to make it through the pain. I consider myself a strong woman who has put up with and dealt with a lot of nonsense in my life but this has nothing to do with being strong. I don't tell her to be strong, I tell her sleep and eat because she needs to be well. I tell her talk to him and let him know she is there but she does all that. She rubs his arm and tells him to fight, she tells him she and the girls need him and they do.

She can't do anything else except wait...and wait...and wait until there's a change. I pray, and I pray and ask others to pray but I can't do anything else either. The clif bars, the banana, the crystal light, and today, the flowers I bring to remind them of the beauty of life and chocolate because...it's chocolate (Need I say more, girls?) can't take away the pain. I am not strong and it nearly breaks my heart to see her so sad. When I go to see her, I pack a bag of snacks and water, and I pray that it will be better than the day before. But I hold back the tears as she does too. We sit and she tells me the same story again and again. The updates, the visits, the blood tests, the drains, she can't think of anything else. Living in her "nightmare," as she calls it repeatedly, the outside world just keep going. I come showered, after a workout and a day working and ask about the kids, they haven't come to see him. "They can't see him like this," she says. And again, I connect, thinking about Jacob and how he might handle a situation like this, how I might. And I get it.

Her life has stopped for the moment and nothing else matters. When asked what we can do, "the only thing I want," she cries, "is for him to get better."

This story isn't over yet and we will be celebrating his life when he returns home but we have to remind ourselves of how quickly our lives can change. In an instant, we can be in a situation we never expected and in those times we have to be able to depend on one another for support. I am thankful I am able to be there, and I just pray that I am never to busy to notice and be available when those close to me need me. My concern for others is great but I am not very good at expressing it or knowing what to say or do. Through this and two recent losses in our family, I have realized it doesn't matter what you say or do, you just need to be there.

We only met a year ago, but I believe we were introduced "for such a time as this."

Change is Good

It's happened to us all. Just when we think we got it all under control, bam! something rocks our world. Our lives are constantly changing whether we want it to or not, and sometimes those changes are unexpected. Situations we intentionally change can be exciting while those that surprise us can throw us off our game. It is in the times of the unexpected that we have to remember that we are not in control and that there is a bigger plan for our lives.

Change is good.
    It helps us to see things with new perspectives.
    It causes us to grow personally, spiritually and emotionally.
    It forces us to find our boundaries.
    It defines our values and beliefs, making us stronger.
    It challenges our relationships and attitudes.
    It brings newness to the mundane.
    It holds us accountable to what we believe about the situation we are in.
    It creates new perspectives, new boundaries, new beliefs, new relationships.

Although, change can be uncomfortable and even scary at times, new chapters in our lives make us stronger as people and remind us that nothing is permanent in this world. God has a plan for us all and when situations change, it is another reminder that we are not in charge, no matter how much we try.

Deuteronomy 4:39

Acknowledge and take to heart this day that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth below. There is no other.

   

Are you an option or a priority?

 “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” -Maya Angelou

I love this quote by Maya Angelou and when a friend posted it on facebook, I realized I needed to change a few things. Not only have I been guilty of shunning someone who has made me a priority but I have spent too much time on those who consider me an option. You know who they are. The one you call and don't hear back from for a few days. The one who cancels every time you make a plan. The one who recognizes when something is wrong but moves on anyway. In our feelings of neglect, we worry, thinking we did something wrong or feel we aren't good enough. We often feel rejected and then worry some more. We allow others to make us feel inadequate. It is ridiculous actually, but our emotions get the best of us during these times. It is time to let it go. It isn't that we stop caring or stop being kind or grow anger or bitter towards anyone, but instead of focusing on the ones who strip our hearts and bring us down, we have to start focusing on those who do call back, who do keep plans and do care about us. In order to do that, we have to love continuously and let go of what we can't control. 

1 Corinthians 16:14, NIV Do everything in love.

It is Right in Front of You

Even when I want to throw a tantrum, stomp my feet and scream at the top of my lungs at something I want, I know God has a plan for me and I have to remind myself that He is in charge. 

Several times in my life I have thought about how unfair life is. I know I am not the only one. Haven't we all stomped our feet, maybe pouted a little and cried because things didn't go our way? It's only when we stop and look around at all the things that aren't fair that we did receive. Sometimes we get upset over the things we want and don't get and other times we forget about the things we get that we didn't ask for and definitely didn't deserve. 

It's time we focus on what we have rather than what we don't. What is given yet not deserved. What is right in front of us. It could your child, your spouse, your job. It could be your health, your opportunities, your friends. Find your peace. Whatever it is for you, love it-enjoy it-embrace it! 

God's plan for our lives is bigger than we can ever imagine but for us to realize it, we have to stop looking for something else. Everything is right in front of you, so find peace in the every day. 

Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” (NIV)

A dangerous game

Remember the game, "Telephone," we played as kids? As adults we play this game too often but now it has become or can become all too harmful to others. In the last few weeks, I have heard a few things about others that have rattled me a bit. Stories or incidents that saddened me and discouraged me in the moment, later to find out, the stories were not quite right, details left out and terrible assumptions made by those sharing with me.

False accusations and assumptions can be dangerous. We need to be careful with repeating things or sharing things that we are not fully aware of and that can later destroy or damage someone's reputation or credibility. Instead, find out the truth for yourself and lift each other up. The story you hear may only be partly true and someone may need your support. If someone is struggling or has made a bad choice, it is better to encourage them than share their story as a tragedy to others. 

Our world gives us enough to tear us down and overwhelm us, let's think the best in others and go to the sources, rather than repeat things we have no business talking about. 

Bittersweet Days

Being a parent brings so much life to our household. Some days we laugh so loud at the antics we play and we are rolling on the floor. Other days we sit quietly sharing the decisions of schedules and goals, discussing future plans. And some sad days are spent with broken hearts and spirits when things didn't go as we expected.

Jacob came into this world with eyes wide open ready to take on anything. He had a sense of humor and a prankster attitude from the time he could walk and we embraced it, even if it drove us crazy at times.

I never wanted to miss a moment with him. Most parents will tell you, "enjoy every moment, it goes by so fast." You never had to tell me that, time was going fast and every milestone I am still hanging on to with dear life.

In Kindergarten, I took the morning off and Rob and I walked our little guy in his maroon polo and tan shorts to the classroom. We walked around the room, found his desk, met the teacher and some kids, and then were shooed out for the day. I held back tears until I got in the car and cried all the way to work that morning. Some of you were there and remember it well. Even though I knew the day was coming, I had no idea how hard it would be.

As junior high approached, I dreaded the first day as if it were the last. Shortly, after the year started, I realized "this is fun" and wanted Jacob to stay in junior high forever. I know what you are thinking-"Junior high was the worst." But it wasn't! With Rob working at night, Jacob and I ate dinner out, shopped, and visited Disneyland often.

In February, Jacob turned 16 and again, I have been hanging on to every moment and every memory. It has been tough as mom to watch him drive a way in his car on a Saturday afternoon. So many of my friends have said, "it must be nice to not have to drive him around any more" but I have had some of the hardest days in the last month since the day he was born. Not because I worry about a car accident, as most probably do, but because my baby wants to be with his friends, explore his independence and simply, not hang out with mom.

Being a parent is challenging on so many levels but we have had fun, we have laughed and we have enjoyed time together. We never sacrificed our time together throughout the years and I don't regret one decision we ever made to be the parents we are today. I have been called a "helicopter mom" and been told to "cut the cord'" on more than one occasion. I broke all the rules of parenting, and didn't follow a plan or any book's suggestions, but I loved him and guided him in every way I could.

Now that he is gaining independence more and more each day, I am proud of the young man he is becoming. Loving him is easy and I look forward to all that life has to bring us as a family. God has given us such a gift in Jacob and has made life more exciting every day. Jacob has taught us so much through the years and we are thankful God has brought him into our lives 17 years ago. 

For now and forever, I will enjoy and appreciate holding on to every moment we have together. As parents, we have to trust that our love and guidance is enough . It is time for Jacob to make some decisions on his own and he may make a few wrong ones, but he will also make many right ones. Either way, it is important as parents we are there to encourage our kids when they are successful, and pick them up when things didn't go as they expected.

Proverbs 22:6 

Train up a child in the way he should go,

And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Looking for a new job

Our society praises those who are constantly rising to the top. We give awards to perfect attendance, years of service and hard working men and women who come to work early and leave late. Not to say having a strong work ethic is a bad thing but is it the one thing that defines us? When we spend all of our time working, we lose the time with our families and friends building lasting relationships that matter much more than the job you have. Of course, a job can bring new friends together and give you satisfaction, but when you retire or quit, how many will remember you? And what will they remember you for? Some of us make a difference in our work but the reality is, when you are gone, they find someone else to fill your spot. We have lost sight if the balance in our lives and spend too much time trying to keep up with schedules that wear us out and have us moving from work to soccer practice to eating dinner on the way and finally crashing once we finally make it home. 

Is that satisfying you? Are you fulfilled with the rat race we call success today? Are you busy doing what you want or what someone else wants?

I decided a few weeks ago I would not let my job define me as much as allow God to be used in great ways through me. When I am work, I will do what I need to do to fulfill my responsibilities but I will also make time for those around me, spending time at the neighborhood bonfires, go camping with the family, walk the dogs as many days as possible and enjoy lunch with a friend. I am guilty of allowing my work to take up most of my days and feeling stressed and overwhelmed most of the time. For me, summer is always a time of reflection on the past year and planning the next year. As I look forward, I want to give more, take less and enjoy the simple things around me every day. Life really has so much more to offer when we do it with others and for others, rather than focusing on how we can make it to the top. 

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. (Colossians 3:23, 24 NIV)

Not What I Expected

In the last few weeks, I have had the opportunity to watch people come together for a cause bigger than they probably even imagine. Recently, our non-profit acquired a cabin in Big Bear, something Rob has worked on for over a year now with the purpose of using it to serve and support others. This project has helped me see how truly simple life is when you surround yourself with those who freely give. I have learned a lot of lessons in the short time we have been working on the place but none as significant, so far, as the drive we took last week. Picking up a friend of my brother's, one that I realized is not 18 anymore, but an adult, one that loves and cares for people passionately; I was reminded at how complicated I make things sometimes. Through his life, his stories and his excitement for the work ahead, I realized how I worry about insignificant things, focus on what others think, and get a little too selfish at times.

We all have a chance to make a difference in the lives of those around us and sometimes we are too caught up in ourselves; we miss the opportunities. I don't know about you, but being so busy we don't have time to help a friend out isn't nearly as satisfying as being a part of something that will make a difference in people's lives for years to come. 

My heart was changed that day and I can't wait to see what else is ahead. Let's appreciate all that we have, give freely and love without expectation.  I think, then, we will truly love a life of abundance. 

Sticks and Stones

"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you." You've all heard it and most of us have probably even chanted it in the school yard when some meanie called us names or accused us of something. But the reality is, that as adults, we realize words are more harmful than we ever could imagine. 

Our words can be used to tear someone down or lift them up. I don't know about you but I've been the target of my fair share of tear downs and in bad judgement I've said hurtful things to others as well. In the heat of the moment, when we are angry or feel like someone has gone against us, we may say things we later regret. When that happens, it is best to admit fault, apologize and hopefully move on, waiting for the next opportunity that may be used to lift that person up. Every day we have an opportunity to lift someone up through encouragement and love with our words. 

"...we should realise the enormous potential that every human being has to affect the lives of others through their tongues. We may not have the power that comes from money, fame or position, but all of us have the power and the potential that come from being able to communicate with words." -Nick Gumbel

He's back!

I didn't check the mail for three days! No, I wasn't sick or snowed in and I passed the mailbox at least twice a day every day. Funny thing is, I never even realized it until Rob called me and said the mail was piled up on the front porch.

Who knew I had become so inept at maintaining order on my own? Now, don't get me wrong, I get up every morning, get myself ready and head out for work. I manage to teach writing and rhetoric and literature, grade papers, plan lessons, manage the COW (computer on wheels), answer the phone, answer questions, find things, lose things and then find them again, organize piles, create files, wash dishes and clothes and lunches, iron my clothes for the next day, make the budget and collect receipts to make sure everyone is using it, feed the cat, feed the dog, teach cardio, run a few miles, text my mom, call my dad, check fb and spend some time alone reading and writing...I think you get the point. My time management and organization is not lacking on most days.

BUT one week, Rob leaves town and the house falls apart.

Less than 24 hours since he left...

The dog is pacing all night waiting for him to come back, I can't sleep...because the dog is pacing all night and now scratching on my bed. A few hours later, I wake up and Jake is sick, the dog was sick and my student teacher quits. I go to the store for medicine, go to work, go to the library and go to the dojo, finally to return home feeling guilty I have left my sick child at school all day and then at grandma's most of the night.

The next morning, still sick child, lonely dog, and to add to the fun, the cat is staring me down perched on a pillow at 5 am. I guess she's hungry. You know the feeling of someone staring at you...that's what I felt, alone in the dark, in my room, from the CAT. Bad hair day, and a wardrobe malfunction-someone asked if I was dressed for Spirit Week. Out of gas, out of toilet paper, out of laundry soap and now, the oven isn't working. Need a shower, need a run, need some ice cream!

We all have those days, those weeks and sometimes even months where things just aren't working out the way you expect. It's how we respond that makes all the difference. Though only a few days, I was reminded that no matter what happens each day, life goes on. So what if the sink still has a few dishes in it, or the mail didn't get taken in, or my shirt had a button or two missing. No one noticed, or even cared. In the past, I would worry for days over things that made no difference one way or another, but this time, I seemed to just keep going no matter what got in my way. I know these are not all serious events but when mishaps continue throughout our day one after another, we can let it bog us down and distract us from the more important things in life. We have to stop in the chaos and remember what is important and lasting.

I thought this was going to be a long week, but thankfully, Rob decided to come home early.

Moving Forward in 2014

As the new year is here, many of us have already made a resolution that we believe will ultimately make us better in one way or another. In the past, as many others, I have wanted to lose weight, eat healthy, be nicer to people or give more hugs. 

Today, I don't really think about making resolutions but last week I asked my cardio girls if they made any resolutions and all I got was "to not make resolutions." The funny thing is no one really believes they will achieve their resolution so it becomes something we simply joke about. For those who do make a resolution, most fall off the wagon by the end of January, and if they are really committed they may make it through February, only to find themselves losing focus before March starts. 

About a year ago, I was convinced I had ran my last race after I injured my knee. But then a few weeks passed and I headed out in the neighborhood convincing myself that if I just kept going it would be fine. And it was for the first mile or so, but then it started to hurt. So what did I do? Kept running, of course, listening to my earbuds repeat every five minutes, "you are 2 minutes behind your goal." Each time I heard it, I tried to run faster only to start limping by the time I got home. Now you would think I would have stopped there. Oh no! I did this over and over again, sometimes crying my way through it. Not so much because of the pain but because I was so frustrated that my will was not strong enough to make the pain go away and run the distance I wanted to. My "resolution" was to run like I did before the injury. No short run, slow run, but a full speed ahead approach and I was failing. I thought with a strong mental attitude I could overcome it. No training, no stretching, no plan except to "go for it." I struggled for months until I finally realized I needed to warm up, run a little slower, and go shorter distance. Oftentimes, we jump into a goal without thinking about how will we get there and end up quitting or hurting ourselves because it is simply too hard mentally, physically or spiritually. 

In the last few months my knee started to feel better and my pace was picking up, so I committed to run another half marathon. A little nervous now because there's a challenge and my will wants to go fast again. But what I realized from before is that I cannot will myself to meet big challenges. When I want to challenge myself to change or meet a big goal, I have to do something every day. Run a mile today, maybe two tomorrow. Because each little goal eventually gets me to a faster pace and a stronger heart, I have to continually train. I no longer think about the day of the race as much as what I am doing right now to get me there. We have to focus each day to do something that will lead us to our goals. 

For me, the journey is the best part. Enjoy your life with intentional devotion and purpose, recognizing that the new year can be a fresh start, but you can make changes any time of the year. Set your goals, but remember you may need to warm up, run slow, and go short.