Cherish the Sound of the Busy Tone

I remember sitting in the hallway of the old dairy home with a long phone cord so my mom wouldn't hear me on the other end. Continuing to dial and redial a friend to chat about the latest, only to hear..."beep.beep.beep." on the other end. I was persistent and wanted to talk to her. But she had no idea that while her mom was chatting it up with a relative on the other end, I was desperately trying to reach her. Back in the day, things were different. Back in the day, we waited patiently and the burden of what we wanted was our own. We decided when we called, contacted or made a visit. No one knew we were coming or trying to call, so we had to decide what was important. We made conscious decisions about our time and energy with others. The burden was on us. 

Today, the priority and burden has shifted. Today, we get a message and boom! the ball is now in their court. Our day starts with checking messages-emails, texts, social media-whatever it is that drives your personal and professional life. And the funny thing is, we expect a response....NOW! We are now driven by others rather than our own efforts to make contact. At work, often an email will come through at 9 am while I am teaching class. An email I don't see and then I get a phone call a few minutes after it was sent asking if I saw it. 

In the past year, I have learned a lot about boundaries. Boundaries can save us from a relationship, save us from a job, or save us from a past hurt. They also can protect from being conformed to the standards of a selfish world. People will demand things from you all day long but you have to decide which of those things are most important. Often, we have a need to please others and nurture those around us. We put others before us, leading us to unhealthy habits of not taking care of our health and well-being. We skip a workout, grab a fast bite in between a client, or come home too exhausted to do something we love. We worry about things that are out of their control and eventually, we have lost focus of what is most important. God loves us all and wants us to be our best but we cannot do that when we let text messages, emails and social media demand our attention and expectations. 

Every morning I get up early enough to read and pray before the day. If I am lucky, I may squeeze in a run before getting ready for work. During that time, I do not check email, or messages. My focus is on what God has for me for the day and the wisdom I can gain by being in His presence. I want to live my life with purpose and commitment to what's really important and not be driven by the demands of others. Let's face it, if you are like me, your to-do list is probably too long to ever complete and some of the things on it may not be completely necessary, so we have to find the things that matter most and do those first. 

If this means relinquishing control of a responsibility, do it.
If this means, saying no to an invitation, do it. 
If this means you get up a little earlier or stay up a little later, do it.
If this means you set a timer for the thing you don't want to do, do it. 
If this means you need to make an appointment to meet a friend, do it.
If this means you skip a meeting to take the dog for a walk, do it.

Everything will be there when you get back. Most things are not urgent, so be mindful of what is most important in your walk with God. Do what matters most.

Romans 12:2, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will." (NIV)
inspired by "Who's Setting Your Priorites," Glynnis Whitwer

Twenty Three Years Ago

We were kids when it all started. Sixteen to be exact. We met, fell in love, got married. End of story.

Yeah, something like that! It doesn't really matter where it started, it is the journey you are on and the story you share together and with others. Those who follow our story, I hope it inspires and strengthens you, and if you are married, your marriage.

Now 23 years isn't one of the milestones in the Hallmark world, but for us, it is a year to remember and be thankful for. A year when life was won, and love conquered all. A year of loss and survival, celebrations and successes.

Twenty three years ago, probably too young to marry, I married a young man who loved to play volleyball in the sand and would spontaneously jumped in a car to take a road trip.

Today, I celebrate a man who has sacrificed everything to love and protect me and Jacob. A man who brings every situation to a peaceful solution. A man who would die for us and stand in the way of harm for his friends. A man who made a decision every day for the last 20 years to live. A man who makes a difference in people's lives and most of the time they don't even realize it. A man who believes in making others better. Making me better, and Jake, the best he can be. A man who dedicated his entire life to being the best dad he could be, never letting anything get in the way of that. He gave his all, all the time, in every situation.

Today, we celebrate 23 years of marriage and have so much to be thankful and proud of in our life together.

Today, we celebrate what happens when love wins. When God is in the center. When the focus in not on selfish ambition but on serving one another.

Today, we celebrate a home, a family and an amazing young man we call our son.

Today, we celebrate our neighbors who walk in this journey with us, growing as families in a neighborhood that values tradition and the spirit of children.

Today, we celebrate those who stood by us through the storms and returned to stand by our side in our darkest moments.

Today, we celebrate life for all it has given us.

It is our new beginning, our milestone, our love, that will carry us through another 23 years.

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:12

Marriage: As luck would have it

Every time I hear about a couple separating or getting a divorce, I am deeply saddened. Even if I don't know them. I know there are situations that are unhealthy or even abusive, and some relationships can turn sour, but I believe in marriage. I believe in doing what it takes to stay together. I believe it is "until death do us part." Hopefully, you are fortunate enough to know a few couples who have made it past the 10 year mark and beyond. Recently, someone commented that we are "lucky" and it bugged me that someone would think that "just by chance" we have made it to this point. I don't know about you, but if you are married, you will probably agree that luck has nothing to do with it.

Again, Luck?! It definitely isn't by luck that a marriage works or not. Especially ours and I am assuming yours too. No matter where you are in your marriage, you know it takes some work to keep things going well. Likewise, ours is not a story of luck in any sense. At times, we might even agree that we had a curse on our marriage that we battled from our 3rd year on. A curse we fought often. A curse that ached my heart and caused so much pain that I would cry myself to sleep at night. One that no one would ever understand then, or now. Our marriage wouldn't be anything if left by chance. Instead, God had a plan.

He had a plan for us that we may have never seen if I had not trusted in Him. God has a plan for each of us and when we are trusting Him we see that more clearly. When I trust in God, I know it is not by chance that I ended up in a certain place at a certain time. I am there because I listened and followed God's lead, even when I didn't want to. Even when it was too painful and I didn't see any hope for change.

Several times in the last 20 years, I have wondered why God allowed me to be in a situation that seemed unfair. So many times...it seemed unfair. I wanted something I knew I would never have and eventually accepted it, knowing that it wasn't God's fault but instead one man's decision that changed everything. In the beginning I had no idea what was going on but I knew things weren't the same. Our closest friends abandoned our lives, we bounced around from church to church and new acquaintances passed through our lives about every few years. I was convinced it was our schedule while I worked during the day, Rob spent his evenings at the dojo. Accepting that maybe us, as a couple, just didn't fit in anywhere, Rob and I built a life around the dojo and the people that came and went from there. It always seemed strange to me that we didn't see those who stood by us at our wedding only a few years earlier, nor were we getting invited to places with friends that were always around before. We has always been social and enjoyed the company of others. Rob knew everyone!

But that all changed after the accident.

We were faithful to church, going every week, yet never finding a place to belong. We were faithful to each other, yet kept our distance from building lasting friendships with others. We focused on Jacob and the life we had committed to together. At times, there was a sadness I felt when I thought about the times we shared before the accident. The times we shared with friends and our church family. But that was gone, and I knew it would never come back. We lost it after the accident. We were different and no one knew the struggle. No one would ever know. It was a secret even I didn't fully understand until recently.

During those times of wondering and crying out to God, I knew it was not by chance that I was where I was. I always knew and trusted God had a plan for me, for us. I never really knew what it was until recently. When our lives took a turn and I thought I would lose everything I had trusted and built my life on, I knew God was right there with me. He knew this day was coming and he prepared me for it. It wasn't by chance that I was right where I needed to be at that very moment. In the right Bible study with the right people, and with two Christian women who had only come into my life within the past few years. God knew what I needed and I listened.

It isn't luck that got us through the last 20 years. It was a commitment to love one another, even when we didn't know what the next day would bring. It was trusting in situations that to the rest of the world seemed unreliable. It was being thankful for what we had. It was believing in the unknown and the unpredictable. It was doing the right thing because it was the right thing. It was abandoning the naysayers and those that didn't believe in us. It was turning away from those who tried to misguide us in their lack of faith.

To the world, we may have looked like we had it all together most of the time but there was a battle that had to be fought. There was an accident that easily could have destroyed us from the beginning. An accident that haunted our lives for years, each in a different way without the other knowing BUT we made it through. Not by chance or luck or any other reason except my faith in something bigger than us. Today, we are on the other side of a tumultuous past and celebrating life together.

Rebuilding.
Renewing.
Recreating.

God knew all along this day would come.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.