The big, big world #loveproject365

12/365 #loveproject365

God is all around and yet sometimes we miss Him. I love when I get away from the hustle and bustle of the "real world," and head out to the mountains for some time outdoors. It is when I am outdoors that I realize how big the world is and how small I really am in all of creation. It humbles me and reminds me that God is good and He is in charge of it all.

I didn't get out today, but watching the rain from the inside brought a sense of peace and calm in the busyness of my day.

Remind yourself to look around for the good God has in the every day.

"His invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not glorify him as God."

Romans 1:20-21 

Everyone Wants to be Loved #loveproject365

10/365 #loveproject365


Yes, it is true! No matter what we say, we all want to be loved and be pursued. Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking when he created man and woman, both so different and with such different needs. After watching the Bachelor last night, yes I went there, I realized how desperate girls are for love. We want to be THE one he chooses. We want to have what the others don't. I know it is a "reality" tv show but if it weren't so real, why would there still be an audience? And why would men and women still apply? They have watched the train wreck for years. Yes, of course, there are the exotic dates and trips to faraway lands that could entice any single male or female, but seriously, these girls really believe they will find love and are willing to pursue it at this cost. Some get it, some don't.

Unfortunately, for most of us, love isn't a trip to Paris to skydive from the Eiffel Tower or finding ourselves having a picnic on some deserted island for the weekend. Of course, we could all fall in love on a helicopter landing on a yacht in the middle of an ocean only to find ourselves in a hot tub that same day on that same yacht and then land ourselves dinner in the middle of Newport Beach with no one around. I wonder how many of us could arrange that for a romantic day out. When life is forgotten and you don't have to take the kids to school or get up in the morning to go to a job to pay the mortgage, it is easy to fall in love. BUT that isn't our reality, and nor is it theirs when it is all over. Love has to withstand life and all that it has to offer without the glamour and glitz and in order to do that, we have to pursue the one we love continually. The bachelor girls maybe go a little too far in their pursuit of love, but what we can learn from them, is the longing to make someone feel like they matter. You don't have to take off your clothes or make out on the first date, but be gentle, kind and most importantly, pursue love like God pursues you-unconditionally and mercifully.

"Love never fails." 

1 Corinthians 13:8

Those Thoughts are not from God

My faith in God is strong and I have always had an innate sense to do right. It may be some of my Catholic influence as a young child or my grandmother always expecting the best of me, but long before I was a Christian, I knew right from wrong and always tried to do right. I value integrity and honesty and try to be true to that in my own life. I expect in others. In relationships, I work on being fair and couldn't pull off a poker face if I tried. I try to see the best in others and I work on not making assumptions or jumping to conclusions, but boy I missed a good poker face and was completely fooled.

The result of my lack of discernment shook my faith and caused so much anger. For months, I couldn't go out for a run without being attacked by my own thoughts. Recently, I heard that our mind races at an insane speed and I believe it. Have you been there? You are consumed by thoughts that take you spiraling in a whirlwind going so fast you can't stop yourself and at some point don't you might not want to. You think things that you would never say out loud and you imagine the what if's. You play back conversations, car rides, lunches and moments when you felt like they really understood and had your best interest at heart. Purging a few weeks ago, I came across a picture, and then another, and then a gift-all leading me back to the situation. I was so deceived there are moments I can't believe she actually fooled me. There are times when I have almost convinced myself that it's impossible. No one could be so cruel and deceitful with their words, their time and their perceived friendship. And it happened, my heart was broken and I was angry, sad, and in disbelief.

While God is working on my broken heart, the demons are attacking me almost daily. So many thoughts have flooded my mind that are not from God and I have been trying to fight them off. In our humanness we allow another human being with a free will to bring us down with them. We lose our sense of goodness every time we entertain a thought not from a God who loves us and values us. While I know logically and scripturally that I am His, I still am fighting demons. They know my weakness and will do everything they can to gain my attention. My battle with pride and anger is exhausting at times, but in the end, it is my pride that keeps me from fully surrendering and moving on. A pride I never knew I had until these moments. 

A pride that keeps us from loving. 

A pride that hinders our relationship with God and others. 

A pride that sinks deep in our soul and makes us sick to our stomach. 

A pride that can be addicting. 

The pain caused by another human being can cut deep, but losing Jesus is so much more painful. My wounds are deep and my heart has been broken, but I know with time God will heal this heart and this will just be a memory in the past.

"Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up."

James 4:10