Two things I adamantly said, "no way, would I ever," have recently come to surface in my life. We do have choices, yes, but sometimes, the choice to go against something just because we don't want to, isn't great enough to fight. Don't get me wrong, I fought for weeks. I fought and fought against what I believed to be best, not just for me, but for everyone involved. Unfortunately, everyone involved won and I lost the battle. So, maybe it wasn't best for everyone, or maybe it wasn't best for me. I am not sure what God has planned but I do know He has a plan. He always does. And as many times as I have seen him change me in situations I fought, I still feel frustrated, angry and totally taken advantage of. As I continue to fight within myself trying to figure out how I will make it work without running away, I am reminded over and over again, that it is not my plan to make work.
Sometimes, we are faced with situations we are not ready for and strongly believe we "would never." In these times, it is natural to feel frustrated, scared or even angry. Holding on to the those feelings will only make us more frustrated and stifle any possibility of our personal growth and change. As I am still learning to work through my frustrations, I know I cannot change the situation, but instead have to face it head on and be the best I can be with what God has given me. I am sure somewhere in all of this there is a lesson for me to learn, yet I am blinded by an overwhelming sense of "it's not fair," with a little stomping of my feet. OK, maybe more stomping my feet than I want to admit. And maybe it isn't fair, but then again, "life isn't fair," right?
Not to say, I am not still fighting with God on this, but ultimately, I know I have to face the change. I know it is no longer my fight but His and I know He has given me the tools to work it out, if I simply trust in Him completely. It is our humanness that doesn't see the bigger plan He has for us. But in those times, especially, we have to trust in Him. We have to stop stomping our feet, blaming others and do what we are called to do. Even as I write that last sentence, I still want to say..."but..but..what about me?" It is never about me, or you, it is always about the bigger plan He has for our lives. Oh, sigh...I have a lot to learn, as I assume many of us do.
Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.
