Everyone Wants to be Loved #loveproject365

10/365 #loveproject365


Yes, it is true! No matter what we say, we all want to be loved and be pursued. Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking when he created man and woman, both so different and with such different needs. After watching the Bachelor last night, yes I went there, I realized how desperate girls are for love. We want to be THE one he chooses. We want to have what the others don't. I know it is a "reality" tv show but if it weren't so real, why would there still be an audience? And why would men and women still apply? They have watched the train wreck for years. Yes, of course, there are the exotic dates and trips to faraway lands that could entice any single male or female, but seriously, these girls really believe they will find love and are willing to pursue it at this cost. Some get it, some don't.

Unfortunately, for most of us, love isn't a trip to Paris to skydive from the Eiffel Tower or finding ourselves having a picnic on some deserted island for the weekend. Of course, we could all fall in love on a helicopter landing on a yacht in the middle of an ocean only to find ourselves in a hot tub that same day on that same yacht and then land ourselves dinner in the middle of Newport Beach with no one around. I wonder how many of us could arrange that for a romantic day out. When life is forgotten and you don't have to take the kids to school or get up in the morning to go to a job to pay the mortgage, it is easy to fall in love. BUT that isn't our reality, and nor is it theirs when it is all over. Love has to withstand life and all that it has to offer without the glamour and glitz and in order to do that, we have to pursue the one we love continually. The bachelor girls maybe go a little too far in their pursuit of love, but what we can learn from them, is the longing to make someone feel like they matter. You don't have to take off your clothes or make out on the first date, but be gentle, kind and most importantly, pursue love like God pursues you-unconditionally and mercifully.

"Love never fails." 

1 Corinthians 13:8

Those Thoughts are not from God

My faith in God is strong and I have always had an innate sense to do right. It may be some of my Catholic influence as a young child or my grandmother always expecting the best of me, but long before I was a Christian, I knew right from wrong and always tried to do right. I value integrity and honesty and try to be true to that in my own life. I expect in others. In relationships, I work on being fair and couldn't pull off a poker face if I tried. I try to see the best in others and I work on not making assumptions or jumping to conclusions, but boy I missed a good poker face and was completely fooled.

The result of my lack of discernment shook my faith and caused so much anger. For months, I couldn't go out for a run without being attacked by my own thoughts. Recently, I heard that our mind races at an insane speed and I believe it. Have you been there? You are consumed by thoughts that take you spiraling in a whirlwind going so fast you can't stop yourself and at some point don't you might not want to. You think things that you would never say out loud and you imagine the what if's. You play back conversations, car rides, lunches and moments when you felt like they really understood and had your best interest at heart. Purging a few weeks ago, I came across a picture, and then another, and then a gift-all leading me back to the situation. I was so deceived there are moments I can't believe she actually fooled me. There are times when I have almost convinced myself that it's impossible. No one could be so cruel and deceitful with their words, their time and their perceived friendship. And it happened, my heart was broken and I was angry, sad, and in disbelief.

While God is working on my broken heart, the demons are attacking me almost daily. So many thoughts have flooded my mind that are not from God and I have been trying to fight them off. In our humanness we allow another human being with a free will to bring us down with them. We lose our sense of goodness every time we entertain a thought not from a God who loves us and values us. While I know logically and scripturally that I am His, I still am fighting demons. They know my weakness and will do everything they can to gain my attention. My battle with pride and anger is exhausting at times, but in the end, it is my pride that keeps me from fully surrendering and moving on. A pride I never knew I had until these moments. 

A pride that keeps us from loving. 

A pride that hinders our relationship with God and others. 

A pride that sinks deep in our soul and makes us sick to our stomach. 

A pride that can be addicting. 

The pain caused by another human being can cut deep, but losing Jesus is so much more painful. My wounds are deep and my heart has been broken, but I know with time God will heal this heart and this will just be a memory in the past.

"Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up."

James 4:10

Two girls, a Truck and a Trailer

Two girls, a truck and a trailer headed up the mountain for some training runs. A simple spontaneous suggestion to get a site turned into one of the best overnights on Big Bear Lake. A few days before, a friend of mine said let’s go up the mountain for a training run. We can take the trailer and do some hiking and running. As much as I have been on the mountain, I have only actually camped a few times. Once with my neighbors in San Gorgonio where bears lurked outside of our tent and scavenged through the red vines and hamburger buns left out from dinner, and the other time at Green Valley Lake to try out our new tent.

So, this time I set out to book Green Valley again, no bears for this girl. But when I searched the mountain and saw that Serrano was on the North side of the lake near trails, I booked it.  I always get a little nervous when I book campsites because you never know what you will get. But this was exactly what these two girls needed to get away for a night.

We arrived around noon with the horse trailer in tow. As you can imagine, two girls in a truck backing in a trailer, we had a lot of observers. But Jeanne killed it! First time, no adjusting, just pull in, back it up, set it up. I was impressed. A few minutes later, we were out, unpacked and eating some lunch. Heading out the campground by foot, we trekked over to the Cougar Crest trail, a five-mile hike round trip to the Pacific Coast Trail and back. The afternoon was perfect with the sun shining over the lake and the view from the top reminded me how small I was in this big world. This is God’s country and I am only one piece in the big picture.

As the sun was setting, a quick trip to Starbucks on the South side of the lake had us sitting with some locals for some coffee and tea, chatting about dogs, tents and what is important in life.

The next morning we headed out to the Alpine Pedal Trail for a run. Don’t be fooled by the name, yes, there are some bike riders, but we saw more running and dog walking. From the campground, we hit the trail and headed out to the Stanfield bridge. Only a few miles out, we decided to run towards town and found ourselves on the Wildlife Reserve running across bridges and into trails. As the sun came out, it was pretty warm but the view can’t be beat.

For an overnight trip, this was perfect! From Serrano, we never had to get back in the car to hike the hills or run the lake on road and trail. Starbucks was a treat, but definitely not necessary.

God is good to me. After a pretty sucky year, I am so thankful for the gifts of friendship, nature and love he continually provides me every day. He surprises me every morning and throughout my day with small wonders.

Keep an eye out and you will see his miracles and mercy, too. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 

A view from the trail. There's a bench to take a break if you want to breathe in the big picture.