For years, I was angry at the homeless. Angry they wouldn't get a job, angry they would stare at me sitting in my car at the freeway exit, angry they wouldn't imply do something different to change their path in life. But that all changed one weekend in Boston.
It was a few years ago now, but my dad was suspected to be dying from cancer. We had heard he had been through chemo and was in a hospital. Throughout the years, many stories were told about liver cancer, adventures and brawls, but this time I knew it was different. It was a calling of a spiritual kind, one I had never experienced before. Driving to pick up my son from grandma's I could see my dad's face and I knew I needed to go to see him. Just a few weeks later, my brother and I were on a plane to Boston with only an address. My dad didn't know we were coming and if he did, he may have told us not to. He was sick.
Arriving in Boston, we went straight to the address in a pretty rough part of the city. As we drove into the neighbor, people stared and kept an eye on us. We approached the building without a code to get in and I peeked in the window. I called his name, with my brother behind me, worried about what would happen next. Finally, someone let us in and we found the "apartment," only to knock several times without an answer. I called "dad" again and again thinking it might take him a few minutes to get the door. After repeated knocks and no answer, a young boy comes down the stairs and tells us he called the ambulance the day before when the man we were looking for couldn't get up the steps of the building.
Now what? Find the nearest hospital. In downtown Boston, there were several but we knew of one he had been to before, so we headed over there only to find they were closed for the weekend under strict surveillance. No one was getting in. Eventually, we managed to get the security guard to hear our story. In a nutshell, "we came from California, we are here for our dad, and he might be sick."
By the next morning, we were in and sitting in a secluded room away from security and the red tape we passed through to get there. He was sick and weak and looked as if he were dying any day. He was gentle and honest about his life-where he had been, what he had done and where he was at that moment. He loved us and it was clear on his face. He had been places I never have imagined or would want to be. He made friends, he was lonely. He enjoyed the simple, yet had a hard life. He made choices that took him away from us, but here we were now. And in this moment, he was still my dad, frail and weak, and I loved him. He needed to know that, and he needed a second chance at life.
Homelessness is a disease. We could argue it is a man or woman's choice, and in many cases it may be, but there are two things I know: 1. In no way, is it my place to judge where people have been or the choices they have made; and 2. It is my responsibility to give so that others have the opportunity to be better. I have to trust that giving and loving is because that is what I am called to do, regardless of the response I get. We worry about them using our money for beer and drugs. We complain they will never get off the streets. We avoid making eye contact at the freeway exit. But in reality, none of that matters. What matters is you do what your heart leads you to do regardless of what the receiver chooses.
My dad lived on the streets and in month-stay motels for a few more years while in remission. We talked occasionally on the phone and I was planning to visit him again. He still drank beer, probably panhandled to get it, or maybe used his social security check, but either way, he was my dad. I used to be embarrassed by his life choices, but today, I understand that sometimes life takes a turn on you that you don't expect and you end up somewhere you wouldn't have chosen. We met again in a hospital in Vegas for the last time last Spring. I will never forget the way he looked at me, the way he always looked at me with love and sadness mixed together. He knew it was his time this was it.
Jumping on a plane to Boston with an ambiguous plan taught me more about the life of a homeless man and opened my heart to those that live life out in a way we don't always understand. But in those moments when I knew I needed to see him again, it was to tell him it was ok and he could have a do-over.
Each man and woman has a story. Whether or not, homelessness was a choice, it is lonely, dark and sometimes scary.
This year, our family has decided to be part of a bigger project of putting together bags filled with basic necessities for the homeless in Long Beach, a neighborhood only a few miles from where we live. A few years ago, I never would have considered helping the homeless because of my own dad, but today, because of a trip to Boston, I will give so that others have an opportunity to be better.
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Cherish the Sound of the Busy Tone
I remember sitting in the hallway of the old dairy home with a long phone cord so my mom wouldn't hear me on the other end. Continuing to dial and redial a friend to chat about the latest, only to hear..."beep.beep.beep." on the other end. I was persistent and wanted to talk to her. But she had no idea that while her mom was chatting it up with a relative on the other end, I was desperately trying to reach her. Back in the day, things were different. Back in the day, we waited patiently and the burden of what we wanted was our own. We decided when we called, contacted or made a visit. No one knew we were coming or trying to call, so we had to decide what was important. We made conscious decisions about our time and energy with others. The burden was on us.
Today, the priority and burden has shifted. Today, we get a message and boom! the ball is now in their court. Our day starts with checking messages-emails, texts, social media-whatever it is that drives your personal and professional life. And the funny thing is, we expect a response....NOW! We are now driven by others rather than our own efforts to make contact. At work, often an email will come through at 9 am while I am teaching class. An email I don't see and then I get a phone call a few minutes after it was sent asking if I saw it.
In the past year, I have learned a lot about boundaries. Boundaries can save us from a relationship, save us from a job, or save us from a past hurt. They also can protect from being conformed to the standards of a selfish world. People will demand things from you all day long but you have to decide which of those things are most important. Often, we have a need to please others and nurture those around us. We put others before us, leading us to unhealthy habits of not taking care of our health and well-being. We skip a workout, grab a fast bite in between a client, or come home too exhausted to do something we love. We worry about things that are out of their control and eventually, we have lost focus of what is most important. God loves us all and wants us to be our best but we cannot do that when we let text messages, emails and social media demand our attention and expectations.
Every morning I get up early enough to read and pray before the day. If I am lucky, I may squeeze in a run before getting ready for work. During that time, I do not check email, or messages. My focus is on what God has for me for the day and the wisdom I can gain by being in His presence. I want to live my life with purpose and commitment to what's really important and not be driven by the demands of others. Let's face it, if you are like me, your to-do list is probably too long to ever complete and some of the things on it may not be completely necessary, so we have to find the things that matter most and do those first.
If this means relinquishing control of a responsibility, do it.
If this means, saying no to an invitation, do it.
If this means you get up a little earlier or stay up a little later, do it.
If this means you set a timer for the thing you don't want to do, do it.
If this means you need to make an appointment to meet a friend, do it.
If this means you skip a meeting to take the dog for a walk, do it.
Everything will be there when you get back. Most things are not urgent, so be mindful of what is most important in your walk with God. Do what matters most.
Today, the priority and burden has shifted. Today, we get a message and boom! the ball is now in their court. Our day starts with checking messages-emails, texts, social media-whatever it is that drives your personal and professional life. And the funny thing is, we expect a response....NOW! We are now driven by others rather than our own efforts to make contact. At work, often an email will come through at 9 am while I am teaching class. An email I don't see and then I get a phone call a few minutes after it was sent asking if I saw it.
In the past year, I have learned a lot about boundaries. Boundaries can save us from a relationship, save us from a job, or save us from a past hurt. They also can protect from being conformed to the standards of a selfish world. People will demand things from you all day long but you have to decide which of those things are most important. Often, we have a need to please others and nurture those around us. We put others before us, leading us to unhealthy habits of not taking care of our health and well-being. We skip a workout, grab a fast bite in between a client, or come home too exhausted to do something we love. We worry about things that are out of their control and eventually, we have lost focus of what is most important. God loves us all and wants us to be our best but we cannot do that when we let text messages, emails and social media demand our attention and expectations.
Every morning I get up early enough to read and pray before the day. If I am lucky, I may squeeze in a run before getting ready for work. During that time, I do not check email, or messages. My focus is on what God has for me for the day and the wisdom I can gain by being in His presence. I want to live my life with purpose and commitment to what's really important and not be driven by the demands of others. Let's face it, if you are like me, your to-do list is probably too long to ever complete and some of the things on it may not be completely necessary, so we have to find the things that matter most and do those first.
If this means relinquishing control of a responsibility, do it.
If this means, saying no to an invitation, do it.
If this means you get up a little earlier or stay up a little later, do it.
If this means you set a timer for the thing you don't want to do, do it.
If this means you need to make an appointment to meet a friend, do it.
If this means you skip a meeting to take the dog for a walk, do it.
Everything will be there when you get back. Most things are not urgent, so be mindful of what is most important in your walk with God. Do what matters most.
Romans 12:2, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will." (NIV)
inspired by "Who's Setting Your Priorites," Glynnis Whitwer
inspired by "Who's Setting Your Priorites," Glynnis Whitwer
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Twenty Three Years Ago
We were kids when it all started. Sixteen to be exact. We met, fell in love, got married. End of story.
Yeah, something like that! It doesn't really matter where it started, it is the journey you are on and the story you share together and with others. Those who follow our story, I hope it inspires and strengthens you, and if you are married, your marriage.
Now 23 years isn't one of the milestones in the Hallmark world, but for us, it is a year to remember and be thankful for. A year when life was won, and love conquered all. A year of loss and survival, celebrations and successes.
Twenty three years ago, probably too young to marry, I married a young man who loved to play volleyball in the sand and would spontaneously jumped in a car to take a road trip.
Today, I celebrate a man who has sacrificed everything to love and protect me and Jacob. A man who brings every situation to a peaceful solution. A man who would die for us and stand in the way of harm for his friends. A man who made a decision every day for the last 20 years to live. A man who makes a difference in people's lives and most of the time they don't even realize it. A man who believes in making others better. Making me better, and Jake, the best he can be. A man who dedicated his entire life to being the best dad he could be, never letting anything get in the way of that. He gave his all, all the time, in every situation.
Today, we celebrate 23 years of marriage and have so much to be thankful and proud of in our life together.
Today, we celebrate what happens when love wins. When God is in the center. When the focus in not on selfish ambition but on serving one another.
Today, we celebrate a home, a family and an amazing young man we call our son.
Today, we celebrate our neighbors who walk in this journey with us, growing as families in a neighborhood that values tradition and the spirit of children.
Today, we celebrate those who stood by us through the storms and returned to stand by our side in our darkest moments.
Today, we celebrate life for all it has given us.
It is our new beginning, our milestone, our love, that will carry us through another 23 years.
Yeah, something like that! It doesn't really matter where it started, it is the journey you are on and the story you share together and with others. Those who follow our story, I hope it inspires and strengthens you, and if you are married, your marriage.
Now 23 years isn't one of the milestones in the Hallmark world, but for us, it is a year to remember and be thankful for. A year when life was won, and love conquered all. A year of loss and survival, celebrations and successes.
Twenty three years ago, probably too young to marry, I married a young man who loved to play volleyball in the sand and would spontaneously jumped in a car to take a road trip.
Today, I celebrate a man who has sacrificed everything to love and protect me and Jacob. A man who brings every situation to a peaceful solution. A man who would die for us and stand in the way of harm for his friends. A man who made a decision every day for the last 20 years to live. A man who makes a difference in people's lives and most of the time they don't even realize it. A man who believes in making others better. Making me better, and Jake, the best he can be. A man who dedicated his entire life to being the best dad he could be, never letting anything get in the way of that. He gave his all, all the time, in every situation.
Today, we celebrate 23 years of marriage and have so much to be thankful and proud of in our life together.
Today, we celebrate what happens when love wins. When God is in the center. When the focus in not on selfish ambition but on serving one another.
Today, we celebrate a home, a family and an amazing young man we call our son.
Today, we celebrate our neighbors who walk in this journey with us, growing as families in a neighborhood that values tradition and the spirit of children.
Today, we celebrate those who stood by us through the storms and returned to stand by our side in our darkest moments.
Today, we celebrate life for all it has given us.
It is our new beginning, our milestone, our love, that will carry us through another 23 years.
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:12
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Marriage: As luck would have it
Every time I hear about a couple separating or getting a divorce, I am deeply saddened. Even if I don't know them. I know there are situations that are unhealthy or even abusive, and some relationships can turn sour, but I believe in marriage. I believe in doing what it takes to stay together. I believe it is "until death do us part." Hopefully, you are fortunate enough to know a few couples who have made it past the 10 year mark and beyond. Recently, someone commented that we are "lucky" and it bugged me that someone would think that "just by chance" we have made it to this point. I don't know about you, but if you are married, you will probably agree that luck has nothing to do with it.
Again, Luck?! It definitely isn't by luck that a marriage works or not. Especially ours and I am assuming yours too. No matter where you are in your marriage, you know it takes some work to keep things going well. Likewise, ours is not a story of luck in any sense. At times, we might even agree that we had a curse on our marriage that we battled from our 3rd year on. A curse we fought often. A curse that ached my heart and caused so much pain that I would cry myself to sleep at night. One that no one would ever understand then, or now. Our marriage wouldn't be anything if left by chance. Instead, God had a plan.
He had a plan for us that we may have never seen if I had not trusted in Him. God has a plan for each of us and when we are trusting Him we see that more clearly. When I trust in God, I know it is not by chance that I ended up in a certain place at a certain time. I am there because I listened and followed God's lead, even when I didn't want to. Even when it was too painful and I didn't see any hope for change.
Several times in the last 20 years, I have wondered why God allowed me to be in a situation that seemed unfair. So many times...it seemed unfair. I wanted something I knew I would never have and eventually accepted it, knowing that it wasn't God's fault but instead one man's decision that changed everything. In the beginning I had no idea what was going on but I knew things weren't the same. Our closest friends abandoned our lives, we bounced around from church to church and new acquaintances passed through our lives about every few years. I was convinced it was our schedule while I worked during the day, Rob spent his evenings at the dojo. Accepting that maybe us, as a couple, just didn't fit in anywhere, Rob and I built a life around the dojo and the people that came and went from there. It always seemed strange to me that we didn't see those who stood by us at our wedding only a few years earlier, nor were we getting invited to places with friends that were always around before. We has always been social and enjoyed the company of others. Rob knew everyone!
But that all changed after the accident.
We were faithful to church, going every week, yet never finding a place to belong. We were faithful to each other, yet kept our distance from building lasting friendships with others. We focused on Jacob and the life we had committed to together. At times, there was a sadness I felt when I thought about the times we shared before the accident. The times we shared with friends and our church family. But that was gone, and I knew it would never come back. We lost it after the accident. We were different and no one knew the struggle. No one would ever know. It was a secret even I didn't fully understand until recently.
During those times of wondering and crying out to God, I knew it was not by chance that I was where I was. I always knew and trusted God had a plan for me, for us. I never really knew what it was until recently. When our lives took a turn and I thought I would lose everything I had trusted and built my life on, I knew God was right there with me. He knew this day was coming and he prepared me for it. It wasn't by chance that I was right where I needed to be at that very moment. In the right Bible study with the right people, and with two Christian women who had only come into my life within the past few years. God knew what I needed and I listened.
It isn't luck that got us through the last 20 years. It was a commitment to love one another, even when we didn't know what the next day would bring. It was trusting in situations that to the rest of the world seemed unreliable. It was being thankful for what we had. It was believing in the unknown and the unpredictable. It was doing the right thing because it was the right thing. It was abandoning the naysayers and those that didn't believe in us. It was turning away from those who tried to misguide us in their lack of faith.
To the world, we may have looked like we had it all together most of the time but there was a battle that had to be fought. There was an accident that easily could have destroyed us from the beginning. An accident that haunted our lives for years, each in a different way without the other knowing BUT we made it through. Not by chance or luck or any other reason except my faith in something bigger than us. Today, we are on the other side of a tumultuous past and celebrating life together.
Rebuilding.
Renewing.
Recreating.
God knew all along this day would come.
Again, Luck?! It definitely isn't by luck that a marriage works or not. Especially ours and I am assuming yours too. No matter where you are in your marriage, you know it takes some work to keep things going well. Likewise, ours is not a story of luck in any sense. At times, we might even agree that we had a curse on our marriage that we battled from our 3rd year on. A curse we fought often. A curse that ached my heart and caused so much pain that I would cry myself to sleep at night. One that no one would ever understand then, or now. Our marriage wouldn't be anything if left by chance. Instead, God had a plan.
He had a plan for us that we may have never seen if I had not trusted in Him. God has a plan for each of us and when we are trusting Him we see that more clearly. When I trust in God, I know it is not by chance that I ended up in a certain place at a certain time. I am there because I listened and followed God's lead, even when I didn't want to. Even when it was too painful and I didn't see any hope for change.
Several times in the last 20 years, I have wondered why God allowed me to be in a situation that seemed unfair. So many times...it seemed unfair. I wanted something I knew I would never have and eventually accepted it, knowing that it wasn't God's fault but instead one man's decision that changed everything. In the beginning I had no idea what was going on but I knew things weren't the same. Our closest friends abandoned our lives, we bounced around from church to church and new acquaintances passed through our lives about every few years. I was convinced it was our schedule while I worked during the day, Rob spent his evenings at the dojo. Accepting that maybe us, as a couple, just didn't fit in anywhere, Rob and I built a life around the dojo and the people that came and went from there. It always seemed strange to me that we didn't see those who stood by us at our wedding only a few years earlier, nor were we getting invited to places with friends that were always around before. We has always been social and enjoyed the company of others. Rob knew everyone!
But that all changed after the accident.
We were faithful to church, going every week, yet never finding a place to belong. We were faithful to each other, yet kept our distance from building lasting friendships with others. We focused on Jacob and the life we had committed to together. At times, there was a sadness I felt when I thought about the times we shared before the accident. The times we shared with friends and our church family. But that was gone, and I knew it would never come back. We lost it after the accident. We were different and no one knew the struggle. No one would ever know. It was a secret even I didn't fully understand until recently.
During those times of wondering and crying out to God, I knew it was not by chance that I was where I was. I always knew and trusted God had a plan for me, for us. I never really knew what it was until recently. When our lives took a turn and I thought I would lose everything I had trusted and built my life on, I knew God was right there with me. He knew this day was coming and he prepared me for it. It wasn't by chance that I was right where I needed to be at that very moment. In the right Bible study with the right people, and with two Christian women who had only come into my life within the past few years. God knew what I needed and I listened.
It isn't luck that got us through the last 20 years. It was a commitment to love one another, even when we didn't know what the next day would bring. It was trusting in situations that to the rest of the world seemed unreliable. It was being thankful for what we had. It was believing in the unknown and the unpredictable. It was doing the right thing because it was the right thing. It was abandoning the naysayers and those that didn't believe in us. It was turning away from those who tried to misguide us in their lack of faith.
To the world, we may have looked like we had it all together most of the time but there was a battle that had to be fought. There was an accident that easily could have destroyed us from the beginning. An accident that haunted our lives for years, each in a different way without the other knowing BUT we made it through. Not by chance or luck or any other reason except my faith in something bigger than us. Today, we are on the other side of a tumultuous past and celebrating life together.
Rebuilding.
Renewing.
Recreating.
God knew all along this day would come.
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Sunday, July 19, 2015
God Never Changes
In the past four months, I have had my fair share of sadness and struggle but moving forward on the journey of renewal and recovery, I know it is my faith in God that continues to carry me through this and any situation ahead of me. When your life takes a turn you don't expect, you have a choice. When you get to the crossroad of deciding which way to turn, God is the only choice that will lead you to the good life. Sometimes we want to take matters in our own hands, or we listen to a well-intended friend's advice but nothing can take away the truth of God and his plan for us. He is the only one who never changes and loves us all day, every day. It isn't always easy to trust things will turn out alright when you are in the midst of a difficult situation, but at the end of the day, things of "great value rarely come without personal discovery and insight."
It was only a few months ago that I thought I had it all. Work, friends, church and family...all good! And then, out of what seemed to be left field, I was slapped in the face with confusion and doubt. Confusion about my life, doubt about my future, confusion about my past, doubt about my relationships.
In the midst of it all, I knew God had a plan yet had no idea what it was. It was in those moments of doubt and confusion, I had to trust in God completely and come to terms that this road could be long and arduous. At first, it seemed like the end was never to come. I gave everything to God daily. I prayed for peace, I prayed for answers, and it was in those moments I felt safe. I was convinced that no matter what happened, I would be ok, it would be ok. It was that crossroad of deciding that I was not in control, that I knew God's plan for me had not changed. He knew this would happen and I believe he had prepared me for it. Although it was painful and uncertain, God had provided opportunities that I welcomed. I invited friends to pray for me, I was situated in a bible study at just the right time with just the right message, and I had peace in the storm of uncertainty. I had distractions that allowed me to focus on God and not the situation I was in. He took care of me, while I was faithful in my daily walk.
In Max Lucado's, God will Use this for Good, he reminds us that "Out of the lions’ den for Daniel, the prison for Peter, the whale’s belly for Jonah, Goliath’s shadow for David, the storm for the disciples, disease for the lepers, doubt for Thomas, the grave for Lazarus, and the shackles for Paul. God gets us through stuff. Through the Red Sea onto dry ground (Ex. 14: 22), through the wilderness (Deut. 29: 5), through the valley of the shadow of death (Ps. 23: 4), and through the deep sea (Ps. 77: 19)."
Did you catch that? "God gets us through stuff." When we come to crossroads in life, we have to remember that God is always the same and his plan for us does not change. No matter what the situation or circumstance, when we choose to follow Him, He will get us through it all. I am thankful for His faithfulness in my life and I know my journey will continue, but for now, I will serve God and never doubt His place in my life, for I have nothing to fear.
It was only a few months ago that I thought I had it all. Work, friends, church and family...all good! And then, out of what seemed to be left field, I was slapped in the face with confusion and doubt. Confusion about my life, doubt about my future, confusion about my past, doubt about my relationships.
In the midst of it all, I knew God had a plan yet had no idea what it was. It was in those moments of doubt and confusion, I had to trust in God completely and come to terms that this road could be long and arduous. At first, it seemed like the end was never to come. I gave everything to God daily. I prayed for peace, I prayed for answers, and it was in those moments I felt safe. I was convinced that no matter what happened, I would be ok, it would be ok. It was that crossroad of deciding that I was not in control, that I knew God's plan for me had not changed. He knew this would happen and I believe he had prepared me for it. Although it was painful and uncertain, God had provided opportunities that I welcomed. I invited friends to pray for me, I was situated in a bible study at just the right time with just the right message, and I had peace in the storm of uncertainty. I had distractions that allowed me to focus on God and not the situation I was in. He took care of me, while I was faithful in my daily walk.
In Max Lucado's, God will Use this for Good, he reminds us that "Out of the lions’ den for Daniel, the prison for Peter, the whale’s belly for Jonah, Goliath’s shadow for David, the storm for the disciples, disease for the lepers, doubt for Thomas, the grave for Lazarus, and the shackles for Paul. God gets us through stuff. Through the Red Sea onto dry ground (Ex. 14: 22), through the wilderness (Deut. 29: 5), through the valley of the shadow of death (Ps. 23: 4), and through the deep sea (Ps. 77: 19)."
Did you catch that? "God gets us through stuff." When we come to crossroads in life, we have to remember that God is always the same and his plan for us does not change. No matter what the situation or circumstance, when we choose to follow Him, He will get us through it all. I am thankful for His faithfulness in my life and I know my journey will continue, but for now, I will serve God and never doubt His place in my life, for I have nothing to fear.
James 1:17
17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
Friday, June 26, 2015
People will Disappoint You
Sometimes in life, we have experiences and relationships that chip away at our heart. Relationships that tear us down instead of build us up. Experiences that make us feel as if we are not good enough, and we may never be. People who want to see us fail.
At some point in my life I realized that I had these relationships in my past and in my present and it was breaking my heart every day a little more. It became real a few years ago when my reality was shaken by a lie. Past feelings of abandonment and disappointment all came crashing down on me and my heart was broken again. It was then I started to pray for wisdom and out of a desperate search for answers, I was very specific with God. Turning to the One who created me for great things brought peace and an answer that allowed me to let go of the feelings that kept me searching for others to make me happy. People will disappoint us but God will always be faithful. It was time for me to stop relying on others to bring happiness in my life. It was time to stop waiting for others to change, for others to say "I love you," or "I'm sorry." I knew God had a plan and clearly that plan wasn't dependent on those around me.
We have to take responsibility for our own healing hearts by forgiving and grieving what we didn't get from those who have hurt us in our past. It is not until we start to put those relationships in their proper place that we start to see our true selves. We can see others for who they are and that they too are struggling, maybe more than you. But don't let their brokenness limit who you can be or what God can do in your life. Don't let others determine your value or worth. When you turn your heart to God, you are able to also put others in His hands to take care of and you can love more freely.
Turning to Jesus allows me to give grace where it's needed and have the wisdom to know what I can control and what I can't. No longer do I depend on others for acceptance or affirmation. I can be me, just as God created me to be.
At some point in my life I realized that I had these relationships in my past and in my present and it was breaking my heart every day a little more. It became real a few years ago when my reality was shaken by a lie. Past feelings of abandonment and disappointment all came crashing down on me and my heart was broken again. It was then I started to pray for wisdom and out of a desperate search for answers, I was very specific with God. Turning to the One who created me for great things brought peace and an answer that allowed me to let go of the feelings that kept me searching for others to make me happy. People will disappoint us but God will always be faithful. It was time for me to stop relying on others to bring happiness in my life. It was time to stop waiting for others to change, for others to say "I love you," or "I'm sorry." I knew God had a plan and clearly that plan wasn't dependent on those around me.
We have to take responsibility for our own healing hearts by forgiving and grieving what we didn't get from those who have hurt us in our past. It is not until we start to put those relationships in their proper place that we start to see our true selves. We can see others for who they are and that they too are struggling, maybe more than you. But don't let their brokenness limit who you can be or what God can do in your life. Don't let others determine your value or worth. When you turn your heart to God, you are able to also put others in His hands to take care of and you can love more freely.
Turning to Jesus allows me to give grace where it's needed and have the wisdom to know what I can control and what I can't. No longer do I depend on others for acceptance or affirmation. I can be me, just as God created me to be.
1 John 4:4 " You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."
*inspired by The Mended Heart, by Suzanne Eller
Friday, June 12, 2015
Be still, my friend and Listen
This morning I was reminded of the blessings God brings when we are still and we listen to Him. So often I get busy each day and focused on the to-do list or the demands of those responsibilities at work and home that I forget to be still. To listen. To calm my spirit for just a moment and hear God's voice. But when I do, I hear him and I am reminded of the peace, joy and protection he provides.
This morning I read Psalm 46:1-11 and again am reminded of the blessings God has for me and for those who listen for His voice.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire. He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. (Psalm 46:1-11 NIV)
Acknowledging God each day in every trial and triumph allows us to be reminded that He is here on earth with us. He died so that we might experience His presence and protection in this life. Unfortunately, we get too busy and don't take the time to sit, to breath and to hear what he has to say. I pray today for those of you struggling from an illness or a hardship that you stop and listen to God's word and find peace in Him. And for those who are embracing a triumph, remember to also be still and find joy in the One who brought you through.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
I was angry at God today
It was a restless night, tossing and turning. I am not exactly sure but I was uneasy about it. Whatever it was! At 4:30 am I decided to just get up and go to the gym, maybe a little sweat would work off the stress I felt from my insides and ease the pain that had lingered in my stomach for days. Something just wasn't right and my heart and body felt it.
After a good thirty minutes of cardio, I walked out feeling a little better physically, but I still had a bad sense that something was wrong. And it wasn't just that my gas tank was riding into the station on fumes. Filling up the tank and getting back on the road, it hit me. I surged with anger and it was towards God. It came suddenly and I cried the rest of the way home shouting at him,
"Why don't you do something?"
"Haven't I had enough?"
"Haven't I given you my life and been obedient enough?"
Enough! When will it be enough? Have you ever been there? Of course you have. We all have had that moment when we think we have had enough and it is about time God do something. The funny thing is, we often take matters into our own hands for so long that when we finally get fed up, we start pointing the finger at Him as if it is His fault we are stressed and hopeless.
Him, who says, rest in me. Him, who says, let it go my daughter and I will take care of you. Him, who says, I love you, put your faith in me and not in yourself.
It took my stubborn self a while to come to my senses and realize that this whole time, God has been there, He will always be there. He has his arms wide open, ready for me to simply let go. But while I was hanging on to my own devices, my own control, and my own ways of doing things for weeks, God was patiently waiting for me to surrender. It was then, when I let it go that the tears stopped and the pain slowly sudsided and the peace came.
It is going to be ok.
"Surrendering your life to God means:
Him, who says, rest in me. Him, who says, let it go my daughter and I will take care of you. Him, who says, I love you, put your faith in me and not in yourself.
It took my stubborn self a while to come to my senses and realize that this whole time, God has been there, He will always be there. He has his arms wide open, ready for me to simply let go. But while I was hanging on to my own devices, my own control, and my own ways of doing things for weeks, God was patiently waiting for me to surrender. It was then, when I let it go that the tears stopped and the pain slowly sudsided and the peace came.
It is going to be ok.
"Surrendering your life to God means:
- Following God's lead without knowing where he's sending you;
- Waiting for God's timing without knowing when it will come;
- Expecting a miracle without knowing how God will provide;
- Trusting God's promises without understanding the circumstances." -Rick Warren
"Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him." Psalm 37:7
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Take Time to Breathe, my Friend
Wow! The past five weeks have truly been a whirlwind of events in my life yet God knew what I was heading for long before. A few months ago, I committed to a small group study for five weeks. It just so happened that it started the week my life started to take a new direction, a scary one. And while I am still on this ride, I had no idea that "Breathe" would not only put me in a room with some prayerful and Jesus-loving women, but he would remind me that life is too short to be overwhelmed by the things he has so graciously brought into my life.
"If what we are doing takes more than the 24 hours we have each day, we are not doing God's work," a paraphrase, no-less from one of the girls. Last week, Michelle reminded me that if I am not enjoying the things God gave me to enjoy, I am missing out on the "good life." We all are.
Now, I have to say, when I realized the study was about the Sabbath, I thought I was pretty good at keeping Sunday open for God and family. Not making plans to work, or do anything that was too stressful. You can imagine by looking back at the last few weeks, the study on the Sabbath didn't seem like the study I needed but boy, was I wrong. God knows me and knew exactly what I was up against.
The Sabbath as most people would interpret is Sunday. it is the day God rested after creating the earth and all that is in it. It is the day he delighted in what he created. And yes, this is true but it is so much more than that. God designed us to stop and enjoy creation. Not just on Sunday but everyday. In our society today, we believe that busy is better and tired is natural. Think about it. How often do you respond to someone when they ask "how you are?" So often we respond with, "Tired." And yet, we do nothing about it. God did not want us to be tired, or overbooked, or so busy we forget to pay attention to important things.
Now of course, anyone reading this and knows me, knows I am busy! I like to do a lot of things. Most of which I commit to because I want to do those things. I often will say, there isn't enough time to do all the things I enjoy. But the problem is when the things you enjoy become an item on your to-do list, you may be missing the goodness of God. I realized by studying God's word, that he wants some of that time and we need to leave a margin for the important things. God wants to do things in my life, but if I bog myself down and never take time to listen or chat with him, I will never know. Listening takes effort, it takes closing out the noise, getting rid of the clutter in our head and taking a pause, quietly, in a moment or two. It is stopping in the middle of the madness, and taking a walk, a time out, or just closing your eyes and opening your ears to hear Jesus speaking to you. I don't know about you, but I need God to do some things in my life right now. So, let's stop to listen, to be still, to breathe.
"If what we are doing takes more than the 24 hours we have each day, we are not doing God's work," a paraphrase, no-less from one of the girls. Last week, Michelle reminded me that if I am not enjoying the things God gave me to enjoy, I am missing out on the "good life." We all are.
Now, I have to say, when I realized the study was about the Sabbath, I thought I was pretty good at keeping Sunday open for God and family. Not making plans to work, or do anything that was too stressful. You can imagine by looking back at the last few weeks, the study on the Sabbath didn't seem like the study I needed but boy, was I wrong. God knows me and knew exactly what I was up against.
The Sabbath as most people would interpret is Sunday. it is the day God rested after creating the earth and all that is in it. It is the day he delighted in what he created. And yes, this is true but it is so much more than that. God designed us to stop and enjoy creation. Not just on Sunday but everyday. In our society today, we believe that busy is better and tired is natural. Think about it. How often do you respond to someone when they ask "how you are?" So often we respond with, "Tired." And yet, we do nothing about it. God did not want us to be tired, or overbooked, or so busy we forget to pay attention to important things.
Now of course, anyone reading this and knows me, knows I am busy! I like to do a lot of things. Most of which I commit to because I want to do those things. I often will say, there isn't enough time to do all the things I enjoy. But the problem is when the things you enjoy become an item on your to-do list, you may be missing the goodness of God. I realized by studying God's word, that he wants some of that time and we need to leave a margin for the important things. God wants to do things in my life, but if I bog myself down and never take time to listen or chat with him, I will never know. Listening takes effort, it takes closing out the noise, getting rid of the clutter in our head and taking a pause, quietly, in a moment or two. It is stopping in the middle of the madness, and taking a walk, a time out, or just closing your eyes and opening your ears to hear Jesus speaking to you. I don't know about you, but I need God to do some things in my life right now. So, let's stop to listen, to be still, to breathe.
"Chronic overloading is not a spiritual prerequisite for authentic Christianity. Quite the contrary, overloading is what we do when we forget who God is." -Richard Swenson
Friday, May 15, 2015
Buckle Up and Enjoy the Ride
I don't know about you, but I hate not knowing the plan.
Where are we going?
How long will it take?
What should I bring?
Taking a trip, I put the address in Google Maps, check the time we need to leave. I check and re-check the weather so I can pack accordingly. I pack water, snacks and meal replacements, as if I am not going to find a store when we get to a remote place like, Big Bear or better, San Diego. it could be a day trip or a weekend, I still plan it out and carry more to the car as we are leaving. Can you relate?
Just this week, I met with a trainer who asked me, "so, what is your personality? Do you like to know what is coming next? Like reps, or exercises? Or do you just do what someone tells you?" I bet you can guess how I responded. Yup, I said, "I don't care about a plan, just tell me what to do." Funny, how certain situations bring a different response. I proceeded to say, "I am flexible, I go with the flow. When I teach cardio classes, I just wing it as I feel."
Now, maybe this is true for you. In some situations, we really don't care what is next. But when things are a bit unclear or you are uncertain of an end result, our attitude changes. When I am going to a new place, I want to plan it. I need to know stuff. But when I know the end result is simply to get my butt kicked, spontaneous workouts and flexibility is all right by me.
And then come those seasons or moments in life where you want a plan and have no control over it. You wonder, what the heck is happening to me? God, where are you taking me? And even more often, where are you, God? I cannot do this on my own any more. I need a map, I need some clothes and I need some food. It's when Google can't help, my yoga pants don't cut it and my meal replacement just isn't enough to keep me going.
I know you've been there. We all have at some point in our lives. For some of you, it may be over yet it felt like forever, while others may be right on the road to "I don't know where." No matter where you are on your journey, God is in the pilot's seat and you have to just buckle up and hold on. The road may get bumpy, the journey may slow down or speed up at any time; hills may be steep, but you have to take the top down and enjoy the ride.
Where are we going?
How long will it take?
What should I bring?
Taking a trip, I put the address in Google Maps, check the time we need to leave. I check and re-check the weather so I can pack accordingly. I pack water, snacks and meal replacements, as if I am not going to find a store when we get to a remote place like, Big Bear or better, San Diego. it could be a day trip or a weekend, I still plan it out and carry more to the car as we are leaving. Can you relate?
Just this week, I met with a trainer who asked me, "so, what is your personality? Do you like to know what is coming next? Like reps, or exercises? Or do you just do what someone tells you?" I bet you can guess how I responded. Yup, I said, "I don't care about a plan, just tell me what to do." Funny, how certain situations bring a different response. I proceeded to say, "I am flexible, I go with the flow. When I teach cardio classes, I just wing it as I feel."
Now, maybe this is true for you. In some situations, we really don't care what is next. But when things are a bit unclear or you are uncertain of an end result, our attitude changes. When I am going to a new place, I want to plan it. I need to know stuff. But when I know the end result is simply to get my butt kicked, spontaneous workouts and flexibility is all right by me.
And then come those seasons or moments in life where you want a plan and have no control over it. You wonder, what the heck is happening to me? God, where are you taking me? And even more often, where are you, God? I cannot do this on my own any more. I need a map, I need some clothes and I need some food. It's when Google can't help, my yoga pants don't cut it and my meal replacement just isn't enough to keep me going.
I know you've been there. We all have at some point in our lives. For some of you, it may be over yet it felt like forever, while others may be right on the road to "I don't know where." No matter where you are on your journey, God is in the pilot's seat and you have to just buckle up and hold on. The road may get bumpy, the journey may slow down or speed up at any time; hills may be steep, but you have to take the top down and enjoy the ride.
Fearlessly. Spontaneously. Faithfully.
"Whom shall I fear?
I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of Angel armies
Is always by my side"
-Chris Tomlin
Saturday, May 9, 2015
A Shout Out to Friends
Ever have one of those weeks where the world seems to be falling apart and there is nothing you can do about it? I have had a few in the last month and let me tell you-Friends Rule!
Too often we get so busy doing our thing, whether it be taking care of the kids, work, cleaning up the house or just simply the daily grind gets a bit too overwhelming and we neglect those around us for the sake of getting things done. I admit it, I am not a good friend most of the time. I spend most of my time work and taking care of the family leaving little time to make a phone call or check on a friend. It isn't that I don't care about my friends, not is it that I don't want to have some girl time, it just seems life moves so fast and I never slow down to make a different plan.
BUT I have some awesome friends! This past month, I have been reminded how valuable each of them are to me. Girls, don't let friendships die because you don't take time to nurture them...one day you will need each other for something more than a mani/pedi or a GNO.
My friends send texts with bible verses and simple "I'm thinking about you," for encouragement they will meet in a moment to pray, even if over the phone, and will listen when I simply need to vent a little. They stay true and faithful, even when time and distance separate us.
I could go on, but you get the point. When a storm comes, friends need each other. Friends matter all the time, but in those times when you really need to chat, cry or simply get some energy out with a lunchtime run...Friends can make the difference in our lives.
God has given me some of the best friends in the world. This is a shout out to each one of you!
Too often we get so busy doing our thing, whether it be taking care of the kids, work, cleaning up the house or just simply the daily grind gets a bit too overwhelming and we neglect those around us for the sake of getting things done. I admit it, I am not a good friend most of the time. I spend most of my time work and taking care of the family leaving little time to make a phone call or check on a friend. It isn't that I don't care about my friends, not is it that I don't want to have some girl time, it just seems life moves so fast and I never slow down to make a different plan.
BUT I have some awesome friends! This past month, I have been reminded how valuable each of them are to me. Girls, don't let friendships die because you don't take time to nurture them...one day you will need each other for something more than a mani/pedi or a GNO.
My friends send texts with bible verses and simple "I'm thinking about you," for encouragement they will meet in a moment to pray, even if over the phone, and will listen when I simply need to vent a little. They stay true and faithful, even when time and distance separate us.
I could go on, but you get the point. When a storm comes, friends need each other. Friends matter all the time, but in those times when you really need to chat, cry or simply get some energy out with a lunchtime run...Friends can make the difference in our lives.
God has given me some of the best friends in the world. This is a shout out to each one of you!
Ecclesiastes 4: 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Friday, May 1, 2015
Finding Peace in the Storm
Friday, April 24, 2015
Cleansing of our Spirits
When all the people were being baptized, Jesus was baptized too. And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” (Luke 3:21-22 NIV)
Even Jesus was baptized. I have known many people who commit their lives to God, proclaiming their faith but simply are too scared to take this one step of obedience to God. I've never understood it, but then again I was baptized in high school. I had my friends encouraging me and standing by my side all the way through it. They cheered me on, bought me a new Bible, invited their friends. It was a celebration.
I remember it to be a little scary because it is a profession in front of all your friends, but in the end I knew I was making a choice to follow God with my whole life. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's the fear of commitment. Or maybe it's the fear that now you have made yourself accountable to those who witnessed it. Or maybe it's the humility we are forced to demonstrate in front of the people. As a young girl, and still as an adult, I'm either all in or all out. I've never been one to do things halfway, so when I met Jesus and knew He was the truth I needed in my life, I was all in. Since that day, I've made mistakes and turned away with a bad decision or thoughts of a different life, but I've never denied my God.
Being all in doesn't mean I'm perfect or that I won't have pain and suffering. It doesn't mean things will come easy and life will always be good on earth.
Being all in means I have a God that is bigger than me and He can move mountains when they get in the way of my serving Him wholeheartedly.
Being all in means I can trust that God is good because he has protected me in the storms and kept me safe from harm. He has performed miracles in my life.
Being all in means when the darkness moves in, He brings light.
Being all in means I have a love greater than any human can provide.
This Sunday, another believer I know will be all in through the baptism of water and I pray that through his obedience, God will show him what it means to feel the Holy Spirit and know God is pleased with his son through the cleansing of the Spirit. Baptism is a public commitment to follow Jesus and to be washed of the sins in our lives so we can live freely in the spirit with a father who loves us. It is "all in."
If you have waited and have been afraid to publicly commit to Jesus, I pray you consider what it means to be all in and live the life Jesus has sacrificed for you.
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