Every time I hear about a couple separating or getting a divorce, I am deeply saddened. Even if I don't know them. I know there are situations that are unhealthy or even abusive, and some relationships can turn sour, but I believe in marriage. I believe in doing what it takes to stay together. I believe it is "until death do us part." Hopefully, you are fortunate enough to know a few couples who have made it past the 10 year mark and beyond. Recently, someone commented that we are "lucky" and it bugged me that someone would think that "just by chance" we have made it to this point. I don't know about you, but if you are married, you will probably agree that luck has nothing to do with it.
Again, Luck?! It definitely isn't by luck that a marriage works or not. Especially ours and I am assuming yours too. No matter where you are in your marriage, you know it takes some work to keep things going well. Likewise, ours is not a story of luck in any sense. At times, we might even agree that we had a curse on our marriage that we battled from our 3rd year on. A curse we fought often. A curse that ached my heart and caused so much pain that I would cry myself to sleep at night. One that no one would ever understand then, or now. Our marriage wouldn't be anything if left by chance. Instead, God had a plan.
He had a plan for us that we may have never seen if I had not trusted in Him. God has a plan for each of us and when we are trusting Him we see that more clearly. When I trust in God, I know it is not by chance that I ended up in a certain place at a certain time. I am there because I listened and followed God's lead, even when I didn't want to. Even when it was too painful and I didn't see any hope for change.
Several times in the last 20 years, I have wondered why God allowed me to be in a situation that seemed unfair. So many times...it seemed unfair. I wanted something I knew I would never have and eventually accepted it, knowing that it wasn't God's fault but instead one man's decision that changed everything. In the beginning I had no idea what was going on but I knew things weren't the same. Our closest friends abandoned our lives, we bounced around from church to church and new acquaintances passed through our lives about every few years. I was convinced it was our schedule while I worked during the day, Rob spent his evenings at the dojo. Accepting that maybe us, as a couple, just didn't fit in anywhere, Rob and I built a life around the dojo and the people that came and went from there. It always seemed strange to me that we didn't see those who stood by us at our wedding only a few years earlier, nor were we getting invited to places with friends that were always around before. We has always been social and enjoyed the company of others. Rob knew everyone!
But that all changed after the accident.
We were faithful to church, going every week, yet never finding a place to belong. We were faithful to each other, yet kept our distance from building lasting friendships with others. We focused on Jacob and the life we had committed to together. At times, there was a sadness I felt when I thought about the times we shared before the accident. The times we shared with friends and our church family. But that was gone, and I knew it would never come back. We lost it after the accident. We were different and no one knew the struggle. No one would ever know. It was a secret even I didn't fully understand until recently.
During those times of wondering and crying out to God, I knew it was not by chance that I was where I was. I always knew and trusted God had a plan for me, for us. I never really knew what it was until recently. When our lives took a turn and I thought I would lose everything I had trusted and built my life on, I knew God was right there with me. He knew this day was coming and he prepared me for it. It wasn't by chance that I was right where I needed to be at that very moment. In the right Bible study with the right people, and with two Christian women who had only come into my life within the past few years. God knew what I needed and I listened.
It isn't luck that got us through the last 20 years. It was a commitment to love one another, even when we didn't know what the next day would bring. It was trusting in situations that to the rest of the world seemed unreliable. It was being thankful for what we had. It was believing in the unknown and the unpredictable. It was doing the right thing because it was the right thing. It was abandoning the naysayers and those that didn't believe in us. It was turning away from those who tried to misguide us in their lack of faith.
To the world, we may have looked like we had it all together most of the time but there was a battle that had to be fought. There was an accident that easily could have destroyed us from the beginning. An accident that haunted our lives for years, each in a different way without the other knowing BUT we made it through. Not by chance or luck or any other reason except my faith in something bigger than us. Today, we are on the other side of a tumultuous past and celebrating life together.
Rebuilding.
Renewing.
Recreating.
God knew all along this day would come.
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
