I was angry at God today

It was a restless night, tossing and turning. I am not exactly sure but I was uneasy about it. Whatever it was! At 4:30 am I decided to just get up and go to the gym, maybe a little sweat would work off the stress I felt from my insides and ease the pain that had lingered in my stomach for days. Something just wasn't right and my heart and body felt it.

After a good thirty minutes of cardio, I walked out feeling a little better physically, but I still had a bad sense that something was wrong. And it wasn't just that my gas tank was riding into the station on fumes. Filling up the tank and getting back on the road, it hit me. I surged with anger and it was towards God. It came suddenly and I cried the rest of the way home shouting at him, 

"Why don't you do something?"

"Haven't I had enough?" 

"Haven't I given you my life and been obedient enough?" 

Enough! When will it be enough? Have you ever been there? Of course you have. We all have had that moment when we think we have had enough and it is about time God do something. The funny thing is, we often take matters into our own hands for so long that when we finally get fed up, we start pointing the finger at Him as if it is His fault we are stressed and hopeless.

Him, who says, rest in me. Him, who says, let it go my daughter and I will take care of you. Him, who says, I love you, put your faith in me and not in yourself.

It took my stubborn self a while to come to my senses and realize that this whole time, God has been there, He will always be there. He has his arms wide open, ready for me to simply let go. But while I was hanging on to my own devices, my own control, and my own ways of doing things for weeks, God was patiently waiting for me to surrender. It was then, when I let it go that the tears stopped and the pain slowly sudsided and the peace came.

It is going to be ok.

"Surrendering your life to God means:

• Following God's lead without knowing where he's sending you;
• Waiting for God's timing without knowing when it will come;
• Expecting a miracle without knowing how God will provide;
• Trusting God's promises without understanding the circumstances." -Rick Warren

"Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him." Psalm 37:7