Finding Peace in the Storm

It was only a few weeks ago, Easter Sunday to be exact that I spoke these words to my family in the car, "I am a survivor." Little did I know, only a few later I would be put to the test. Many storms have come and gone in my life and in those moments I have turned to God for peace. Unfortunately, this time, several storms came at once and I did not find peace at first. In fact, my stomach ached, my head hurt and the pressure of holding it together exploded every time I was alone. It was in this time, I had to take take a deep breath and ask God to wrap his arms around me while I cried out. "God, I am a survivor but really? all this at once."

The first storm started with a call. A call that was the beginning of the end of a life. From the time of the call to the end was a mere three weeks. Several conversations, a round trip drive to Vegas in a day, and a two more weeks waiting for the next call. For me, the peace was there in the beginning. I knew the day was coming and I knew I was ready for what was to come. Death was inevitable at this point. Unfortunately, some lost sight. Yes, I believe God had taken my dad to be with him. We talked about it, he assured me of his faith and his repentance. But the others, they didn't know. They didn't beleive. Their grief came in many forms-anger, sadness and guilt. Caught in the middle, I struggled to respond to each one of them. They did not find comfort and did not know what to do with their anger, their sadness or their grief. One lashed out, one cried, one shut down. And I was left working out the details.

The next storm came about the same time. This time, someone much closer to me, someone I love more than anything. Watching someone struggle through something that I have no control over is heartbreaking. There was absolutely nothing I could do. I was helpless and there was even a moment I felt hopeless. Although I know God is always watching and is faithful, I got overwhelmed throughout the day. It sometimes consumed me and my heart ached again, because there was nothing I could do. 

And then, the third storm. It seemed small in comparison but it compounded the others. When all I wanted to do was focus on one, the others distracted me, got in the way and rumbled the peace that I desparately tried to find. This one at work, this one, again, out of my control. 

Do you see a pattern here? It is when we lose control that we feel lost and overwhelmed. It is when the storms come and we have no shelter that we respond irrationally, and desparately. When we lose sight of God, we lose sight of hope. 

In these moments of despair, God was with me, if only I leaned on Him and remembered his promises, I would find His peace. I am a survivor because I remembered to turn to Him and believe in the peace and strength of a God who says, "I will not abandon you or leave you as orphans in the storm--I will come to you." And even when I feel the valley is so dark God cannot possibly see me, I am reminded by David that, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me" (Psalm 23:4 NIV). As a believer, I do not have to face the storm the same way the world does but in the midst of the storm I can find peace. I know that I am not in control so it is when I turn to Jesus, I will find peace in these things.