Did she do the best with what she got? Or did she let it go too soon? Did she give up because it seemed impossible? Or did she fight until the end?

Being a mom is not for the weak. For most, it requires deep sacrifice. Sacrifices you never thought you'd make or even have to think about. And I am not taking about missing out on a cup of coffee with friends at Starbucks or cutting your workout short because you got a call that your child is crying at the nursery. Yes, these are real things, but to call them sacrifices, may be a little dramatic. These are luxuries that we take for granted and then expect them when we are having a bad day. Move on mama, sacrifices are bigger than that. They are compromising sometimes, giving in so you can extend grace on a child who is struggling, being there when it is painful, watching your baby grow into a man only to find that life isn't always nice and the world sorta sucks.

The world will tell us that we've all had to go through it, or "it's a part of life," but it doesn't make it suck less. I ran into a mom at the grocery store the other day and she asked if it got easier. She was referring to being a mom. She had a 10 and 12 year old, and although I can understand where she is coming from, a 10 and 12 year old are much easier in the scheme of parenthood.

It's when you have to let go, let them make their own choices, and then see them struggle. That's the hard part of parenthood. Sure, you are no longer responsible for making dinner or picking them up from school, but you also don't get to put them to bed at night or snuggle up when they've had a bad day.

Being a mama of adults is hard.

Don't Let Go of the Good Things

I remember laying awake at night wondering if this was really what God planned for me. and if it was, why me? But if it wasn't, what do I do to make it right? I cried a lot and prayed more. I surrendered and he drew near. I felt a peace.

And then, my life fall apart around me and I realized I let work take the very things I loved away from me. You see how God did that. I had peace right before the storm. That's how he works. He prepared me for the storm that I didn't see coming but I was ready. I had to make a change. Work wasn't really the problem as much as my desire to hide. The more I worked, the less I had to be alone. The less I had to make friends. The less I had to confront life. Work has always been easier than dealing with real life. Since I started working at 15, I packed my days with no time to enjoy what I loved or anything else in my life. Every minute of every day was scheduled, so there was no time for spontaneity. No time to pause, to listen, to meet a friend, to just be me. The me who loved my family, who loved teaching, who loved the outdoors, and who loved to dance.

When the world around me got ugly, I knew something had to give and I had to give something. I never saw it coming, only thinking I was doing what I needed to do, telling myself it was for the family. But what they needed was me. Not money, not stuff, but my time and my presence.

Whatever it is that keeps you from being present, stop it.

If your kids are older, they need you more than ever. They need you to be around for those spontaneous bad days, breakups and hard decisions. They need you to share their excitement about a new job, help them with an assignment at school or even just to hash out life's frustrations and joys.

If your husband is distant, he needs you to draw close. When we are most afraid, we drift, we hide and sometimes we even get a little edgy. Look past it, and love on him.

If your friends stop calling, go to them. Call, write, message or Facetime if they are far away. There is nothing better than hearing from a friend when you are doing life and busy as ever. When you feel you can't add another meeting, it is the best time to make a connection and become human and share life with someone who cares about you for you.

I have learned that some of my greatest losses were my greatest needs.

Hebrews 10:24-25

"And let us consider how to stir one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."

Love wins! Or so I thought.

Back in January I ventured out to post 365 days of love and it only took a month before I fell off the wagon. I can't remember exactly what happened, but I wasn't feeling the love anymore.

It could have been something someone said or did.
It could have been something I felt or assumed.
It could have been nothing.

Nevertheless, I let it go and ignored it. I allowed "it" to get in the way of my attitude. How often do we set out to make good and someone else messes up our plan? How often do we have good intention and someone else comes in with negativity?

It always gets me when I allow someone else to ruin my day or affect my attitude for no reason. But if I had been focused on others rather than myself, I wouldn't have let it get to me. I wouldn't have quit on love.

Sometimes we have to push through our own insecurities to let love win. What is getting at you today? Move on, you be you, and let your love affect others rather than letting them affect you.

1 Peter 4:8

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

The Choice is Yours

I have always searched for and worked to be my healthiest self. Since I was a freshman in high school, or maybe even younger, I was self conscious about my weight and my looks. Somewhere in my life I learned that I needed to lose weight. My best friend in junior high had legs that would both fit in one leg of my pants and they'd still be baggy, and she had that dip in her waist on both sides. My sides flowed a bit over the jeans, so I never worn jeans, always a dress or skirt. I wrapped a towel around my waist at the beach to cover my rear and legs, only to take it off when I was laying down and I definitely, made sure I spent at least an hour fixing my hair every morning. Sometimes throwing a brush when things didn't go quite well.

The grapefruit diet, Weight Watchers, Jazzercise, and Bally's. Each one promising the right body, the right food. I was young, but the adults were doing it, so I must as well. We learn from a young age what is acceptable and what is not. My hair, my rear and my legs needed some work.

As a junior in high school, I hit the weights at the gym often, started teaching aerobics and fought to eat right when my friends were putting down Big Macs and pizza on a Friday night after the football game. It's been a battle since I can remember.

The funny thing is, when I look back at pictures, the image I had then is hardly the image I see in photos. So, where does it come from?

There are a lot of messages here we could talk about, but what I want to focus on is how my image shifted from losing weight to being healthy. After spending so much energy on losing weight, I realized that exercising and eating healthy actually made me feel better. Healthy doesn't just mean what we eat and drink, but how we feel and how we interact with others.

It is time we all think about how our self-image is affected by those around us and how we affect those we encounter every day. God created us to be in His image, and so we must take care of ourselves to reflect His glory and goodness. We cannot let others determine our worth and value but instead, find the things we love that make us better for the Kingdom. Today, I take care of my body because I want to live my best life and feel good doing it. I want to share with others the stories of heartache and survival, of struggle and success and finally, that we have a choice to live an abundant life.

1 Corinthians 13:12

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

Steak and Eggs and Cheese, Oh my!

It's simple. I have never been much of a meat eater. My German roots would say I should be a cheese eater, and I don't much like that either. But Greek yogurt, eggs and protein shakes were a fav of mine. In a typical week, I probably ate at least 5 eggs and drank a protein shake almost daily.

After reading Omnivore's Dilemma and Fast Food Nation several years ago for a class I was teaching, I have struggled with the politics and disgust of the meat industry. It made me think about a lot of things related to health, so our family switched to grass-fed meat and pasture-raised eggs. Trying our best to eat the best possible resources available without killing it ourselves, we thought we were on the right track. We cut the dairy to small amounts and focused on more veggies and eating at home more often. 

And then, our son wanted to go vegan to lose weight, but it was difficult for all of us to adjust, so we didn't. After he went back to eating what we ate, it got me thinking that maybe he was on to something. Not because I wanted to lose weight but maybe the vegan life offered something I had secretly wanted for all the years we had tried to eat healthy in our current corrupt food industry. So, I bit the bullet. And then a few months later, so did my husband, and a week later, the whole family jumped on board. 

This is the beginning of a journey I want to share with those who may be considering the plant-based lifestyle, or simply cutting meat or dairy a few days a week. It has only been three weeks since our family has all jumped on board, but so far, we are trying new things, feeling great and a few pounds have been shed. The eggs have been traded in for oatmeal, fruit and granola, and the protein replaced with plant-based protein and several options for yogurt alternatives that are so yummy!

This past week, we have had frankfurters, enchiladas, and burgers. Here's a sneak peek of a few other yummy treats from our kitchen...

  Almond-Banana Granola

 

Asian-Inspired Salad
 with Peanuts

I am not totally sure where this will go, but I know we are having fun and feeling great doing it! There are so many options and so many things to explore in the kitchen. If you have tried plant-based meals, I would love to hear what has worked for you.

Guide. Pray. Faith. #loveproject365

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Last night, with a cancellation of an appointment, the family got to get out for dinner. I absolutely love spending time with Rob and Jacob. Having an adult child has certainly changed things around here but it has been a fun time watching our "little guy" grow up and figure out the world. This past year has been rocky at times with questions of faith and school goals but it is all part of the process and I believe God has big plans for him.

Sitting at dinner and chatting about the future can be exciting and scary all at the same time. We live in a world that is unpredictable and has no guarantees. We talked about majors and careers and options for the future but when it came down to it, the most important thing in life is being right with God. Our lives can take a turn at any time and we have to be able to turn to the one who created us to find peace. People and jobs will disappoint us, but God is the only one who's got our back.

Teaching our kids this truth is the single most important thing we could do for them. If you have children or grandchildren, no matter what age, teach them and pray for them. God will do the rest.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it."

Proverbs 22:6

It's God's Plan, Not Mine #loveproject365

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I love when I feel I have accomplished much and this week was one of those weeks. I started back on Monday with a complete overwhelming sense of "oh my, what have I signed up for this time?" This semester, I have taken on a few more things but all moving towards a direction I believe God is leading me. In my lifetime, I have never settled and am always looking for something new and exciting. Teaching has provided me so much of this and I am grateful for the opportunities it has allowed me to tackle. From the classroom to leadership to running a summer camp for young writers, I have enjoyed so many aspects of my career.

Sometimes the days get long and I have a hard time figuring out why I do what I do. But then the reality of those around me who struggle for work and finding a job they enjoy hits me. I am so lucky to have a support group encouraging me when I feel inadequate or ineffective in my role as a teacher.

This week, I went from teaching online to meeting with an awesome group of leaders on my campus to finding myself in a room full of college writing professors, one of which was a graduate from the very school in which I teach, and one who had come to observe my classroom on an earlier occasion. The world is big, but in some ways, so very small.

No matter your career or life goals, make the best of every opportunity. God has lead me to the very place I am today building on what he has created me to be. Connecting with others professionally and personally keeps us grounded in what we do and reminds us that our purpose is one guided by a God who knows us better than we know ourselves.

"The purpose of a person's heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out."

 Proverbs 20:5