Cherish the Sound of the Busy Tone

I remember sitting in the hallway of the old dairy home with a long phone cord so my mom wouldn't hear me on the other end. Continuing to dial and redial a friend to chat about the latest, only to hear..."beep.beep.beep." on the other end. I was persistent and wanted to talk to her. But she had no idea that while her mom was chatting it up with a relative on the other end, I was desperately trying to reach her. Back in the day, things were different. Back in the day, we waited patiently and the burden of what we wanted was our own. We decided when we called, contacted or made a visit. No one knew we were coming or trying to call, so we had to decide what was important. We made conscious decisions about our time and energy with others. The burden was on us. 

Today, the priority and burden has shifted. Today, we get a message and boom! the ball is now in their court. Our day starts with checking messages-emails, texts, social media-whatever it is that drives your personal and professional life. And the funny thing is, we expect a response....NOW! We are now driven by others rather than our own efforts to make contact. At work, often an email will come through at 9 am while I am teaching class. An email I don't see and then I get a phone call a few minutes after it was sent asking if I saw it. 

In the past year, I have learned a lot about boundaries. Boundaries can save us from a relationship, save us from a job, or save us from a past hurt. They also can protect from being conformed to the standards of a selfish world. People will demand things from you all day long but you have to decide which of those things are most important. Often, we have a need to please others and nurture those around us. We put others before us, leading us to unhealthy habits of not taking care of our health and well-being. We skip a workout, grab a fast bite in between a client, or come home too exhausted to do something we love. We worry about things that are out of their control and eventually, we have lost focus of what is most important. God loves us all and wants us to be our best but we cannot do that when we let text messages, emails and social media demand our attention and expectations. 

Every morning I get up early enough to read and pray before the day. If I am lucky, I may squeeze in a run before getting ready for work. During that time, I do not check email, or messages. My focus is on what God has for me for the day and the wisdom I can gain by being in His presence. I want to live my life with purpose and commitment to what's really important and not be driven by the demands of others. Let's face it, if you are like me, your to-do list is probably too long to ever complete and some of the things on it may not be completely necessary, so we have to find the things that matter most and do those first. 

If this means relinquishing control of a responsibility, do it.
If this means, saying no to an invitation, do it. 
If this means you get up a little earlier or stay up a little later, do it.
If this means you set a timer for the thing you don't want to do, do it. 
If this means you need to make an appointment to meet a friend, do it.
If this means you skip a meeting to take the dog for a walk, do it.

Everything will be there when you get back. Most things are not urgent, so be mindful of what is most important in your walk with God. Do what matters most.

Romans 12:2, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will." (NIV)
inspired by "Who's Setting Your Priorites," Glynnis Whitwer

Twenty Three Years Ago

We were kids when it all started. Sixteen to be exact. We met, fell in love, got married. End of story.

Yeah, something like that! It doesn't really matter where it started, it is the journey you are on and the story you share together and with others. Those who follow our story, I hope it inspires and strengthens you, and if you are married, your marriage.

Now 23 years isn't one of the milestones in the Hallmark world, but for us, it is a year to remember and be thankful for. A year when life was won, and love conquered all. A year of loss and survival, celebrations and successes.

Twenty three years ago, probably too young to marry, I married a young man who loved to play volleyball in the sand and would spontaneously jumped in a car to take a road trip.

Today, I celebrate a man who has sacrificed everything to love and protect me and Jacob. A man who brings every situation to a peaceful solution. A man who would die for us and stand in the way of harm for his friends. A man who made a decision every day for the last 20 years to live. A man who makes a difference in people's lives and most of the time they don't even realize it. A man who believes in making others better. Making me better, and Jake, the best he can be. A man who dedicated his entire life to being the best dad he could be, never letting anything get in the way of that. He gave his all, all the time, in every situation.

Today, we celebrate 23 years of marriage and have so much to be thankful and proud of in our life together.

Today, we celebrate what happens when love wins. When God is in the center. When the focus in not on selfish ambition but on serving one another.

Today, we celebrate a home, a family and an amazing young man we call our son.

Today, we celebrate our neighbors who walk in this journey with us, growing as families in a neighborhood that values tradition and the spirit of children.

Today, we celebrate those who stood by us through the storms and returned to stand by our side in our darkest moments.

Today, we celebrate life for all it has given us.

It is our new beginning, our milestone, our love, that will carry us through another 23 years.

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:12

Marriage: As luck would have it

Every time I hear about a couple separating or getting a divorce, I am deeply saddened. Even if I don't know them. I know there are situations that are unhealthy or even abusive, and some relationships can turn sour, but I believe in marriage. I believe in doing what it takes to stay together. I believe it is "until death do us part." Hopefully, you are fortunate enough to know a few couples who have made it past the 10 year mark and beyond. Recently, someone commented that we are "lucky" and it bugged me that someone would think that "just by chance" we have made it to this point. I don't know about you, but if you are married, you will probably agree that luck has nothing to do with it.

Again, Luck?! It definitely isn't by luck that a marriage works or not. Especially ours and I am assuming yours too. No matter where you are in your marriage, you know it takes some work to keep things going well. Likewise, ours is not a story of luck in any sense. At times, we might even agree that we had a curse on our marriage that we battled from our 3rd year on. A curse we fought often. A curse that ached my heart and caused so much pain that I would cry myself to sleep at night. One that no one would ever understand then, or now. Our marriage wouldn't be anything if left by chance. Instead, God had a plan.

He had a plan for us that we may have never seen if I had not trusted in Him. God has a plan for each of us and when we are trusting Him we see that more clearly. When I trust in God, I know it is not by chance that I ended up in a certain place at a certain time. I am there because I listened and followed God's lead, even when I didn't want to. Even when it was too painful and I didn't see any hope for change.

Several times in the last 20 years, I have wondered why God allowed me to be in a situation that seemed unfair. So many times...it seemed unfair. I wanted something I knew I would never have and eventually accepted it, knowing that it wasn't God's fault but instead one man's decision that changed everything. In the beginning I had no idea what was going on but I knew things weren't the same. Our closest friends abandoned our lives, we bounced around from church to church and new acquaintances passed through our lives about every few years. I was convinced it was our schedule while I worked during the day, Rob spent his evenings at the dojo. Accepting that maybe us, as a couple, just didn't fit in anywhere, Rob and I built a life around the dojo and the people that came and went from there. It always seemed strange to me that we didn't see those who stood by us at our wedding only a few years earlier, nor were we getting invited to places with friends that were always around before. We has always been social and enjoyed the company of others. Rob knew everyone!

But that all changed after the accident.

We were faithful to church, going every week, yet never finding a place to belong. We were faithful to each other, yet kept our distance from building lasting friendships with others. We focused on Jacob and the life we had committed to together. At times, there was a sadness I felt when I thought about the times we shared before the accident. The times we shared with friends and our church family. But that was gone, and I knew it would never come back. We lost it after the accident. We were different and no one knew the struggle. No one would ever know. It was a secret even I didn't fully understand until recently.

During those times of wondering and crying out to God, I knew it was not by chance that I was where I was. I always knew and trusted God had a plan for me, for us. I never really knew what it was until recently. When our lives took a turn and I thought I would lose everything I had trusted and built my life on, I knew God was right there with me. He knew this day was coming and he prepared me for it. It wasn't by chance that I was right where I needed to be at that very moment. In the right Bible study with the right people, and with two Christian women who had only come into my life within the past few years. God knew what I needed and I listened.

It isn't luck that got us through the last 20 years. It was a commitment to love one another, even when we didn't know what the next day would bring. It was trusting in situations that to the rest of the world seemed unreliable. It was being thankful for what we had. It was believing in the unknown and the unpredictable. It was doing the right thing because it was the right thing. It was abandoning the naysayers and those that didn't believe in us. It was turning away from those who tried to misguide us in their lack of faith.

To the world, we may have looked like we had it all together most of the time but there was a battle that had to be fought. There was an accident that easily could have destroyed us from the beginning. An accident that haunted our lives for years, each in a different way without the other knowing BUT we made it through. Not by chance or luck or any other reason except my faith in something bigger than us. Today, we are on the other side of a tumultuous past and celebrating life together.

Rebuilding.
Renewing.
Recreating.

God knew all along this day would come.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

God Never Changes

In the past four months, I have had my fair share of sadness and struggle but moving forward on the journey of renewal and recovery, I know it is my faith in God that continues to carry me through this and any situation ahead of me. When your life takes a turn you don't expect, you have a choice. When you get to the crossroad of deciding which way to turn, God is the only choice that will lead you to the good life. Sometimes we want to take matters in our own hands, or we listen to a well-intended friend's advice but nothing can take away the truth of God and his plan for us. He is the only one who never changes and loves us all day, every day. It isn't always easy to trust things will turn out alright when you are in the midst of a difficult situation, but at the end of the day, things of "great value rarely come without personal discovery and insight." 
It was only a few months ago that I thought I had it all. Work, friends, church and family...all good! And then, out of what seemed to be left field, I was slapped in the face with confusion and doubt. Confusion about my life, doubt about my future, confusion about my past, doubt about my relationships. 

In the midst of it all, I knew God had a plan yet had no idea what it was. It was in those moments of doubt and confusion, I had to trust in God completely and come to terms that this road could be long and arduous. At first, it seemed like the end was never to come. I gave everything to God daily. I prayed for peace, I prayed for answers, and it was in those moments I felt safe. I was convinced that no matter what happened, I would be ok, it would be ok. It was that crossroad of deciding that I was not in control, that I knew God's plan for me had not changed. He knew this would happen and I believe he had prepared me for it. Although it was painful and uncertain, God had provided opportunities that I welcomed. I invited friends to pray for me, I was situated in a bible study at just the right time with just the right message, and I had peace in the storm of uncertainty. I had distractions that allowed me to focus on God and not the situation I was in. He took care of me, while I was faithful in my daily walk. 

In Max Lucado's, God will Use this for Good, he reminds us that "Out of the lions’ den for Daniel, the prison for Peter, the whale’s belly for Jonah, Goliath’s shadow for David, the storm for the disciples, disease for the lepers, doubt for Thomas, the grave for Lazarus, and the shackles for Paul. God gets us through stuff. Through the Red Sea onto dry ground (Ex. 14: 22), through the wilderness (Deut. 29: 5), through the valley of the shadow of death (Ps. 23: 4), and through the deep sea (Ps. 77: 19)." 

Did you catch that? "God gets us through stuff." When we come to crossroads in life, we have to remember that God is always the same and his plan for us does not change. No matter what the situation or circumstance, when we choose to follow Him, He will get us through it all. I am thankful for His faithfulness in my life and I know my journey will continue, but for now, I will serve God and never doubt His place in my life, for I have nothing to fear. 

James 1:17

17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

People will Disappoint You

Sometimes in life, we have experiences and relationships that chip away at our heart. Relationships that tear us down instead of build us up. Experiences that make us feel as if we are not good enough, and we may never be. People who want to see us fail.

At some point in my life I realized that I had these relationships in my past and in my present and it was breaking my heart every day a little more. It became real a few years ago when my reality was shaken by a lie. Past feelings of abandonment and disappointment all came crashing down on me and my heart was broken again. It was then I started to pray for wisdom and out of a desperate search for answers, I was very specific with God. Turning to the One who created me for great things brought peace and an answer that allowed me to let go of the feelings that kept me searching for others to make me happy. People will disappoint us but God will always be faithful. It was time for me to stop relying on others to bring happiness in my life. It was time to stop waiting for others to change, for others to say "I love you," or "I'm sorry." I knew God had a plan and clearly that plan wasn't dependent on those around me.

We have to take responsibility for our own healing hearts by forgiving and grieving what we didn't get from those who have hurt us in our past. It is not until we start to put those relationships in their proper place that we start to see our true selves. We can see others for who they are and that they too are struggling, maybe more than you. But don't let their brokenness limit who you can be or what God can do in your life. Don't let others determine your value or worth. When you turn your heart to God, you are able to also put others in His hands to take care of and you can love more freely.

Turning to Jesus allows me to give grace where it's needed and have the wisdom to know what I can control and what I can't. No longer do I depend on others for acceptance or affirmation. I can be me, just as God created me to be.

1 John 4:4 " You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."

*inspired by The Mended Heart, by Suzanne Eller

Be still, my friend and Listen

This morning I was reminded of the blessings God brings when we are still and we listen to Him. So often I get busy each day and focused on the to-do list or the demands of those responsibilities at work and home that I forget to be still. To listen. To calm my spirit for just a moment and hear God's voice. But when I do, I hear him and I am reminded of the peace, joy and protection he provides.

This morning I read Psalm 46:1-11 and again am reminded of the blessings God has for me and for those who listen for His voice. 

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire. He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. (Psalm 46:1-11 NIV)

Acknowledging God each day in every trial and triumph allows us to be reminded that He is here on earth with us. He died so that we might experience His presence and protection in this life.  Unfortunately, we get too busy and don't take the time to sit, to breath and to hear what he has to say. I pray today for those of you struggling from an illness or a hardship that you stop and listen to God's word and find peace in Him. And for those who are embracing a triumph, remember to also be still and find joy in the One who brought you through. 

I was angry at God today

It was a restless night, tossing and turning. I am not exactly sure but I was uneasy about it. Whatever it was! At 4:30 am I decided to just get up and go to the gym, maybe a little sweat would work off the stress I felt from my insides and ease the pain that had lingered in my stomach for days. Something just wasn't right and my heart and body felt it.

After a good thirty minutes of cardio, I walked out feeling a little better physically, but I still had a bad sense that something was wrong. And it wasn't just that my gas tank was riding into the station on fumes. Filling up the tank and getting back on the road, it hit me. I surged with anger and it was towards God. It came suddenly and I cried the rest of the way home shouting at him, 

"Why don't you do something?"

"Haven't I had enough?" 

"Haven't I given you my life and been obedient enough?" 

Enough! When will it be enough? Have you ever been there? Of course you have. We all have had that moment when we think we have had enough and it is about time God do something. The funny thing is, we often take matters into our own hands for so long that when we finally get fed up, we start pointing the finger at Him as if it is His fault we are stressed and hopeless.

Him, who says, rest in me. Him, who says, let it go my daughter and I will take care of you. Him, who says, I love you, put your faith in me and not in yourself.

It took my stubborn self a while to come to my senses and realize that this whole time, God has been there, He will always be there. He has his arms wide open, ready for me to simply let go. But while I was hanging on to my own devices, my own control, and my own ways of doing things for weeks, God was patiently waiting for me to surrender. It was then, when I let it go that the tears stopped and the pain slowly sudsided and the peace came.

It is going to be ok.

"Surrendering your life to God means:

• Following God's lead without knowing where he's sending you;
• Waiting for God's timing without knowing when it will come;
• Expecting a miracle without knowing how God will provide;
• Trusting God's promises without understanding the circumstances." -Rick Warren

"Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him." Psalm 37:7