Two things I adamantly said, "no way, would I ever," have recently come to surface in my life. We do have choices, yes, but sometimes, the choice to go against something just because we don't want to, isn't great enough to fight. Don't get me wrong, I fought for weeks. I fought and fought against what I believed to be best, not just for me, but for everyone involved. Unfortunately, everyone involved won and I lost the battle. So, maybe it wasn't best for everyone, or maybe it wasn't best for me. I am not sure what God has planned but I do know He has a plan. He always does. And as many times as I have seen him change me in situations I fought, I still feel frustrated, angry and totally taken advantage of. As I continue to fight within myself trying to figure out how I will make it work without running away, I am reminded over and over again, that it is not my plan to make work.
Sometimes, we are faced with situations we are not ready for and strongly believe we "would never." In these times, it is natural to feel frustrated, scared or even angry. Holding on to the those feelings will only make us more frustrated and stifle any possibility of our personal growth and change. As I am still learning to work through my frustrations, I know I cannot change the situation, but instead have to face it head on and be the best I can be with what God has given me. I am sure somewhere in all of this there is a lesson for me to learn, yet I am blinded by an overwhelming sense of "it's not fair," with a little stomping of my feet. OK, maybe more stomping my feet than I want to admit. And maybe it isn't fair, but then again, "life isn't fair," right?
Not to say, I am not still fighting with God on this, but ultimately, I know I have to face the change. I know it is no longer my fight but His and I know He has given me the tools to work it out, if I simply trust in Him completely. It is our humanness that doesn't see the bigger plan He has for us. But in those times, especially, we have to trust in Him. We have to stop stomping our feet, blaming others and do what we are called to do. Even as I write that last sentence, I still want to say..."but..but..what about me?" It is never about me, or you, it is always about the bigger plan He has for our lives. Oh, sigh...I have a lot to learn, as I assume many of us do.
Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Hope in God, Nothing Else is Good Enough
Hope is when we anticipate something will get better. Hope is what drives us to keep going when times are tough, when it seems like our challenges are bigger than us, when we know we cannot do anything else in the moment of struggle.
Hope is what makes me get up each day, knowing that whatever is ahead of me, God is going to make it better. When life feels overwhelming or when I don't want to be doing what I'm doing, I know there is a plan for me. I know God has me right where he wants me, even if I don't get it. And lately, I don't get it. I'm not sure why things happen the way they do and my controlling spirit wants to take the situation and fix it, change it or sometimes hide in a hole until it goes away. But when my head is clear and I look around me, I know I've got it good. I know that every opportunity I have has been given to me by God for a reason. I would never be where I am today without the hope in something greater than myself. Myself cracks on its own, myself breaks down at the simplest things, myself loses it's mind occasionally.
Hope can take us from the deepest pit of our lives and move us to great things. It can change our attitude and our energy and our love towards others. It can bring us purpose and belief in things we never believed in before.
It's when we lose hope, we fall. And if we let our minds get the best of us, it's hard to get out of it. But having faith in God gives each of us a reason to live and hope for better days and still enjoy the moments we are in.
If God is not your hope, you hope in things and people. And to hope in any thing or any person will only disappoint you or abandon you or hurt you. It is inevitable in our humanness but God will never disappoint, abandon or hurt us in any way. He loves us just as we are and what a comfort that is. I have many flaws and many quirks that drive people crazy, but I know I am who I am because God created me. He alone is where I find my identity. In the same way, he created you just the way you are. We have to remember that our hope has to be in God and then we will live free of what others think, say and do.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
For Such a Time as This
Our husbands introduced us after they met at the car wash one Saturday afternoon. We become friends instantly when we realized we both loved to work out and lived close by. She rides a bike, I run. She pushes me to 20 miles, I push her to 5. She has girls, I have Jake. She has him and I have Rob. Our lives merged with conversations about kids, husbands, finances, jobs, weight loss and working out. It's only been about a year, but the one thing I love about our friendship is the love we both feel deeply for our kids and husband. Having a friend who deeply loves and cares for her kids and respects her husband in the same way has been such a blessing in my life the past year.
"My heart is breaking," she tells me repeatedly as I sit with her in the hospital room while her husband lay a few feet away from us with tubes, and needles and a whole lot of stuff poking into his body I don't understand. I don't even try, but it is obvious this is not going to be a quick recovery. She is tired, sad and although, I have met a new friend each time I am there, she is lonely.
"My whole life is laying in that bed," she manages to get out holding back tears and wiping her face. I can't respond, nothing I can say will take away the pain and the fear she has at this moment. Her friends keep telling her "you're strong, you're a fighter, he's a fighter, stay positive," but really is that enough to make it through the pain. I consider myself a strong woman who has put up with and dealt with a lot of nonsense in my life but this has nothing to do with being strong. I don't tell her to be strong, I tell her sleep and eat because she needs to be well. I tell her talk to him and let him know she is there but she does all that. She rubs his arm and tells him to fight, she tells him she and the girls need him and they do.
She can't do anything else except wait...and wait...and wait until there's a change. I pray, and I pray and ask others to pray but I can't do anything else either. The clif bars, the banana, the crystal light, and today, the flowers I bring to remind them of the beauty of life and chocolate because...it's chocolate (Need I say more, girls?) can't take away the pain. I am not strong and it nearly breaks my heart to see her so sad. When I go to see her, I pack a bag of snacks and water, and I pray that it will be better than the day before. But I hold back the tears as she does too. We sit and she tells me the same story again and again. The updates, the visits, the blood tests, the drains, she can't think of anything else. Living in her "nightmare," as she calls it repeatedly, the outside world just keep going. I come showered, after a workout and a day working and ask about the kids, they haven't come to see him. "They can't see him like this," she says. And again, I connect, thinking about Jacob and how he might handle a situation like this, how I might. And I get it.
Her life has stopped for the moment and nothing else matters. When asked what we can do, "the only thing I want," she cries, "is for him to get better."
This story isn't over yet and we will be celebrating his life when he returns home but we have to remind ourselves of how quickly our lives can change. In an instant, we can be in a situation we never expected and in those times we have to be able to depend on one another for support. I am thankful I am able to be there, and I just pray that I am never to busy to notice and be available when those close to me need me. My concern for others is great but I am not very good at expressing it or knowing what to say or do. Through this and two recent losses in our family, I have realized it doesn't matter what you say or do, you just need to be there.
We only met a year ago, but I believe we were introduced "for such a time as this."
"My heart is breaking," she tells me repeatedly as I sit with her in the hospital room while her husband lay a few feet away from us with tubes, and needles and a whole lot of stuff poking into his body I don't understand. I don't even try, but it is obvious this is not going to be a quick recovery. She is tired, sad and although, I have met a new friend each time I am there, she is lonely.
"My whole life is laying in that bed," she manages to get out holding back tears and wiping her face. I can't respond, nothing I can say will take away the pain and the fear she has at this moment. Her friends keep telling her "you're strong, you're a fighter, he's a fighter, stay positive," but really is that enough to make it through the pain. I consider myself a strong woman who has put up with and dealt with a lot of nonsense in my life but this has nothing to do with being strong. I don't tell her to be strong, I tell her sleep and eat because she needs to be well. I tell her talk to him and let him know she is there but she does all that. She rubs his arm and tells him to fight, she tells him she and the girls need him and they do.
She can't do anything else except wait...and wait...and wait until there's a change. I pray, and I pray and ask others to pray but I can't do anything else either. The clif bars, the banana, the crystal light, and today, the flowers I bring to remind them of the beauty of life and chocolate because...it's chocolate (Need I say more, girls?) can't take away the pain. I am not strong and it nearly breaks my heart to see her so sad. When I go to see her, I pack a bag of snacks and water, and I pray that it will be better than the day before. But I hold back the tears as she does too. We sit and she tells me the same story again and again. The updates, the visits, the blood tests, the drains, she can't think of anything else. Living in her "nightmare," as she calls it repeatedly, the outside world just keep going. I come showered, after a workout and a day working and ask about the kids, they haven't come to see him. "They can't see him like this," she says. And again, I connect, thinking about Jacob and how he might handle a situation like this, how I might. And I get it.
Her life has stopped for the moment and nothing else matters. When asked what we can do, "the only thing I want," she cries, "is for him to get better."
This story isn't over yet and we will be celebrating his life when he returns home but we have to remind ourselves of how quickly our lives can change. In an instant, we can be in a situation we never expected and in those times we have to be able to depend on one another for support. I am thankful I am able to be there, and I just pray that I am never to busy to notice and be available when those close to me need me. My concern for others is great but I am not very good at expressing it or knowing what to say or do. Through this and two recent losses in our family, I have realized it doesn't matter what you say or do, you just need to be there.
We only met a year ago, but I believe we were introduced "for such a time as this."
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Change is Good
It's happened to us all. Just when we think we got it all under control, bam! something rocks our world. Our lives are constantly changing whether we want it to or not, and sometimes those changes are unexpected. Situations we intentionally change can be exciting while those that surprise us can throw us off our game. It is in the times of the unexpected that we have to remember that we are not in control and that there is a bigger plan for our lives.
Change is good.
It helps us to see things with new perspectives.
It causes us to grow personally, spiritually and emotionally.
It forces us to find our boundaries.
It defines our values and beliefs, making us stronger.
It challenges our relationships and attitudes.
It brings newness to the mundane.
It holds us accountable to what we believe about the situation we are in.
It creates new perspectives, new boundaries, new beliefs, new relationships.
Although, change can be uncomfortable and even scary at times, new chapters in our lives make us stronger as people and remind us that nothing is permanent in this world. God has a plan for us all and when situations change, it is another reminder that we are not in charge, no matter how much we try.
Change is good.
It helps us to see things with new perspectives.
It causes us to grow personally, spiritually and emotionally.
It forces us to find our boundaries.
It defines our values and beliefs, making us stronger.
It challenges our relationships and attitudes.
It brings newness to the mundane.
It holds us accountable to what we believe about the situation we are in.
It creates new perspectives, new boundaries, new beliefs, new relationships.
Although, change can be uncomfortable and even scary at times, new chapters in our lives make us stronger as people and remind us that nothing is permanent in this world. God has a plan for us all and when situations change, it is another reminder that we are not in charge, no matter how much we try.
Deuteronomy 4:39
Acknowledge and take to heart this day that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth below. There is no other.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Are you an option or a priority?
“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” -Maya Angelou
I love this quote by Maya Angelou and when a friend posted it on facebook, I realized I needed to change a few things. Not only have I been guilty of shunning someone who has made me a priority but I have spent too much time on those who consider me an option. You know who they are. The one you call and don't hear back from for a few days. The one who cancels every time you make a plan. The one who recognizes when something is wrong but moves on anyway. In our feelings of neglect, we worry, thinking we did something wrong or feel we aren't good enough. We often feel rejected and then worry some more. We allow others to make us feel inadequate. It is ridiculous actually, but our emotions get the best of us during these times. It is time to let it go. It isn't that we stop caring or stop being kind or grow anger or bitter towards anyone, but instead of focusing on the ones who strip our hearts and bring us down, we have to start focusing on those who do call back, who do keep plans and do care about us. In order to do that, we have to love continuously and let go of what we can't control.
1 Corinthians 16:14, NIV Do everything in love.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
It is Right in Front of You
Even when I want to throw a tantrum, stomp my feet and scream at the top of my lungs at something I want, I know God has a plan for me and I have to remind myself that He is in charge.
Several times in my life I have thought about how unfair life is. I know I am not the only one. Haven't we all stomped our feet, maybe pouted a little and cried because things didn't go our way? It's only when we stop and look around at all the things that aren't fair that we did receive. Sometimes we get upset over the things we want and don't get and other times we forget about the things we get that we didn't ask for and definitely didn't deserve.
It's time we focus on what we have rather than what we don't. What is given yet not deserved. What is right in front of us. It could your child, your spouse, your job. It could be your health, your opportunities, your friends. Find your peace. Whatever it is for you, love it-enjoy it-embrace it!
God's plan for our lives is bigger than we can ever imagine but for us to realize it, we have to stop looking for something else. Everything is right in front of you, so find peace in the every day.
Several times in my life I have thought about how unfair life is. I know I am not the only one. Haven't we all stomped our feet, maybe pouted a little and cried because things didn't go our way? It's only when we stop and look around at all the things that aren't fair that we did receive. Sometimes we get upset over the things we want and don't get and other times we forget about the things we get that we didn't ask for and definitely didn't deserve.
It's time we focus on what we have rather than what we don't. What is given yet not deserved. What is right in front of us. It could your child, your spouse, your job. It could be your health, your opportunities, your friends. Find your peace. Whatever it is for you, love it-enjoy it-embrace it!
God's plan for our lives is bigger than we can ever imagine but for us to realize it, we have to stop looking for something else. Everything is right in front of you, so find peace in the every day.
Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” (NIV)
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
A dangerous game
Remember the game, "Telephone," we played as kids? As adults we play this game too often but now it has become or can become all too harmful to others. In the last few weeks, I have heard a few things about others that have rattled me a bit. Stories or incidents that saddened me and discouraged me in the moment, later to find out, the stories were not quite right, details left out and terrible assumptions made by those sharing with me.
False accusations and assumptions can be dangerous. We need to be careful with repeating things or sharing things that we are not fully aware of and that can later destroy or damage someone's reputation or credibility. Instead, find out the truth for yourself and lift each other up. The story you hear may only be partly true and someone may need your support. If someone is struggling or has made a bad choice, it is better to encourage them than share their story as a tragedy to others.
Our world gives us enough to tear us down and overwhelm us, let's think the best in others and go to the sources, rather than repeat things we have no business talking about.
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