Cutting the Cord

It was probably 6th grade when a parent said to me, "it is time to cut the cord," when I didn't want to leave Jacob home for 30 minutes to wait for a ride somewhere. I insisted on staying and waiting until I knew he was safely picked up and on his way. That phrase stuck with me but I never could head to it. For years, I continued to check in frequently, wait up at night, or at least wake up in a panic when I realized it was 1 am and I didn't hear him come in, and still have to know the schedule each day.

A few weeks ago, I was up before the sun making sure everything was packed and praying with Jacob as he was heading to Nashville with a group of 20 kids, a choir director and a few parents. And I wasn't one of them this time. Rob rolled out of bed as we were getting ready to leave and we all jumped in the car to drop him off at school for an early bus to LAX. With recent events and crazy news, I worried a little for his travel but more than that, I realized this was his first trip away from home for this long without us.

As parents we complain about technology and how it consumes our kids, but today, with many miles between us, I was thankful for the text I received to let me know that my guesstimate of a 25-pound bag was actually 47 pounds, barely making the maximum limit. I got a video from a mom on the plane of the kids singing, and I got a text when the plane landed. Ok, ok, you might be thinking "helicopter mom." Well, you'd be right if I actually ignored the request that I didn't go on the trip and went anyway. Or I followed the bus to the airport. I didn't do any of those things and I let him out of the car at school without embarrassing him. But believe me, I wanted to go on the trip, and I wanted to make sure he got to the airport safely.

Parenting has brought so much joy in our home. Sure, there are days when you look at your child and think, "What planet are you from?" or "Who raised you?" but most days are good. Every day, I look forward to coming home and checking in with my little man. Bugging him, as a mom should, about his day and who he talked to, and what did he do after school and what were his plans for the night or the weekend or life. And every day, he plays along. He shares the day, sits with me for dinner and sometimes hangs out to watch a few of our favorite shows.

In the last few months, some things have changed and I know it is time for me to let go a little more. With the end of his Senior year coming and college looming over us in a few months, I know life as we know it will change. As a mom, I have done everything I knew to teach him, train him and guide him in doing the right things. Now, it is time to let go and let him make his own decisions and trust that he will make good choices.

Parents, if there is anything I can share in this experience it is to embrace every moment, even the messy ones, because time really does fly by when you are raising kids. Enjoy the games, the plays, the Open Houses and everything in between. Take time to chat and sit and hang out. Stop. Breathe. Pray. God gave me this little guy 18 years ago and I never knew a love like this. Being a parent changes how you view the world and gives you a heart you couldn't have imagined before having children. 

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”

Psalm 127:3

Spontaneous Getaway

I am always up for a weekend road trip with the family, but with Jacob out of town, Rob and I took to the road without a real plan. Realizing we had the dog, we packed him up as well and found a pet-friendly hotel near San Jose. I never thought I would be one to take a dog on vacation to a hotel. Camping, yes! but a hotel? I was never too much of a dog-lover, even being accused at one point of kicking one at a friend's house.

After rearranging my stupidly-busy schedule to be done working by noon, we headed out midday Saturday. Quickly packing a few things in our backpacks, we headed north. Reading about a trail in San Jose that overlooked the Silicon Valley, we drove all day to get there. Driving through the rolling hills towards Hollister/San Jose and then through a small town with fruit stands at every corner makes you forget the hustle of the every day. In the jeep with the top off, the air was warm and the drive a relaxing way to spend a Saturday evening. With a quick stop at the outlets in Gilroy for a little shopping, we were almost to our destination for the night.


Waking up at the crack of dawn to catch a sunrise was our next adventure. Hoping this day would bring more excitement than dinner the night before, we checked out and headed to the top of the Open Space Reserve. Driving miles through a thick marine layer, we finally cleared the top and the sun was peeking out. At the top, we looked over a blanket of fluffy white landscape. As we waited, we watched the layers come and go and the sun come up. We didn't see the Silicon Valley but the morning air and view was still a sight to see.


If you only have a weekend, LA to San Jose can be a beautiful way to see a little country road, rolling hills, and the beach. After the sun came up, we headed South stopping at one of the fruit stands for avocados and raw honey from a local beekeeper. Our next stop was the quaint shops in San Luis Obispo for lunch. From there, we headed to the sandy dunes of Pismo to check out the ocean. A little cooler down the 101 but worth the drive and the sights.


Sometimes you gotta let loose and head out of town for a day or two to remind yourself you are human and that the world is bigger than the place you go to work every day and the life you live is as good as you want it to be. For me, heading out of town is an escape. An escape from the mundane, an escape from the chores, from the busyness. As many responsibilities I have, when I get in the passenger seat of the jeep, I am free. My mind wanders away from the negativity and the stresses of work to a place of peace and freedom. I can rest and appreciate the work I have done.

Whatever it is for you, find it and do it. For some, it may be taking a bike ride, walking the dog, or listening to your favorite playlist. Whatever it is, allow yourself to be free a little bit each day, even if only for an hour, take a moment to rest. You will breathe easier, think more clearly, and be you.

God rested on the last day for a reason. His work was done and he sat to enjoy it. Let us be people who enjoy the life we created. Let us sit. Let us be.

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.   

Genesis 2:2

Geesh, God! What's Next?

Only after a few weeks of making a public claim that life could only get better this year, it took a big u-turn. I really did think I had experienced it all. I had been challenged enough in every one of my relationships and in every possible situation imaginable and unimaginable. But no, it wasn't over yet.

Of course, I tried to keep it to myself to not upset those around me but I cracked. I always crack. I couldn't help it. But in just a few minutes it was passed on and we moved on. It was a big event day.

It is always a big event day. Funny, how God seems to think the big event will distract me enough to get me through it all. Or maybe it is His way of putting things on pause so my mind doesn't spiral out of control. When something eats at your heart, it is hard to stay cool, but I did for the next few hours. No one knew. I smiled, I took pictures, I focused on what was in front of me.

Or at least I thought I did. I tried. I really did this time. I mean, sometimes, you have to trust the situation and move on.

But this time, my crazy mind replayed conversations, scenarios and unexplainable events over again in my head. And over and over again. And then one day, I woke up angry! I hadn't let it go and now I wanted answers. But then again, did I?

Sometimes in life things happen that truly are unexplainable, and in this situation I may or may not ever know the truth. I simply have to trust that what I know is what I need to know right now. We have to trust that God is in control and that as long as we are doing the right thing, in the end, He will come and peace will prevail. I know I need to settle with God during this time, but that doesn't mean it is easy. Small reminders rear their head of the pain I felt on that day and all the times before but I have to put my faith in the One greater than me if I am ever going to move on.

“The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him.” Nahum 1:7

God's Great Creation

If I could be on a hike every day of the week, I would. As I get older, the pace at which I work seems to take its toll on me. I am no longer energized by the fast-paced, never-ending pile of stress I used to enjoy all too much.

Today, I want to get away. I want to indulge in the great outdoors. Today, I want to breathe the fresh air and the beauty of the world I live in.

My adventurous spirit started back in high school with week long backpacking trips and a cycling road trip with my youth group. I love the outdoors and have longed, at times, to live where I can explore my own backyard.

Even though I can't have that right now, I do live in a beautiful place that can get me to the mountains or the beach in a day, along with a hike among trees or along an ocean.

And this day was no exception. We took to the road and searched trails on our way. We never really know where we are going when we pull out of our driveway. Top down, sun shining, we were heading north. It was already after noon, so we had to get somewhere quick if we were going to get in a decent hike. Trying to find a road less travelled, we passed on Eaton Canyon and drove a little farther to Echo Mountain. On the trailhead, we decided to take the narrow trail instead of following the crowds up to Inspiration Point. A historical spot for many, we maneuvered our way up a steep and rocky path to the top. Lizards shared our path as we climbed. It was hot and not an easy trail for most, but we wanted to see what was on the other side.

 After a short time, we made it and the view of Los Angeles was stunning. No matter where you go, or what you see, there is always something awesome of the the big world out in front of us. When I looked out, I saw the city of Angels standing tall out in the distance. All I could think of was how small it was in the landscape in front of me. Really, the "big city" is so small in the scheme of life. The hustle and bustle we crave is nothing, when we pan out a little. So, next time you are worrying about that deadline or that assignment that feels like the end of the world, remember it is not as big as you think.

"For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him." Colossians 1:16

Law and Grace

I am a rule follower. And I want everyone else to be one, too. I google map directions and trust they will get me to my destination; I read the instructions for almost everything I buy. I look up the same recipes I have made for years and follow the directions. My trust is that it will work right if I simply follow the directions. If you are like me, you are probably thinking right now, so what's wrong with that? People should follow directions and do things the right way. The problem is, I will mistake rules for law.

Law-the only way to do something. The right way. No other way can work. 

Stick to the rules. We live in a society that is much like this, and more often than not we are controlled by the rules of others. Of course, some rules protect us, while some rules protect those around us. They keep order.

But,

Sometimes, rules need to be broken.

Sometimes, a circumstance arrives that we don't expect. 

Sometimes, we need a little grace.

Grace-gettng what we don't deserve. Loving beyond the rules.

Grace is when we give up our rules and we extend something undeserved. Several years ago, our business was struggling and I had sent something back to a company. Weeks after I sent it back, they continued to bill me. I called every day to see if they received it. Finally, after a few months, I got a woman on the phone who listened to me. I told her when I sent it, that I didn't track it and now it was missing. The item was costly and we didn't have the money at that time to replace what was lost. Patiently, the woman on the other end said simply, "don't worry about it, I'll take care of it." At that moment, a huge burden was lifted and I hung up the phone with tears streaming down my face. This was a company who wanted their product back and I was a consumer claiming I had returned it. There was no tracking, no confirmation that it was sent and it was her word against mine. Whether or not she believed me didn't matter but she extended grace in my time of need. She broke the rules.  

I could tell countless items when a friend extended grace to me, but I, myself, struggle when my expectations are let down. But with grace, we assume the best in others and we live a life more selflessly than before. We overlook the situation and love on those around us. When we love others, grace is easy. 

Grace. Something undeserved. Something we all need from time to time. 

                                  “Do everything in love.”  1 Corinthians 16:14 NIV

Bring it on 2016

2015 wasn't my best year and I recently said to my husband, "it can only get better from here." Although I want to believe this, sometimes it is hard to move on from loss, disappointments and other struggles we encounter. As a teacher, I look forward to a break and when Christmas time comes around I get excited about unwinding a bit from the chaos I encounter on a daily basis. I want to sleep in a little, take the dog for a walk, spend a little more time with God each day, catch up on some reading and spend time with the family. This year, I did get to do some of these things but the stress of the year caught up to me as soon as break started and I was down for the first week and a half. With a headache that wouldn't quit and a bad attitude, life Had snuck up on me. With the adrenaline of working long days, I hadn't noticed I was falling apart.

Life this year has to be different for me. I lost focus on what was most important and let the world get the best of me. Little things started to bother me and the people I love got the worst of me. The pressures of circumstances I encountered built up and made me sick and I didn't even notice. For someone who loves health and fitness, this seemed out of place. I eat well and workout regularly but I wasn't taking care of my heart and mind the way I needed to. 

Even if you aren't a teacher, you may be going back to work tomorrow after a long weekend or a few extra days off. This year, focus on taking care of yourself in whatever way you need to. For some of us, it is a renewal of heart and mind. Maybe you've let negative thoughts take over and need to be reminded of God's grace and mercy. Let Him renew your mind and bring clarity. Others may want to focus on on something external. Our bodies are important and setting goals to lose weight or get more rest may be necessary. Maybe you have a physical illness that needs some attention. Get to the doctor or take it easy for a few days. Whatever it is you are looking forward to this year, know that you are capable of tackling any challenge ahead of you. 

Most of us know that resolutions don't stick. The gym will be packed for the next few weeks and then back to normal before February. Some will vow not to drink something or eat something or do something they have been trying to do for years to only fall flat sometime mid-March. But the reality is, none of that matters. Instead, try focusing on one day at a time. Wake up and decide to be your best every day and if you fall, get up again and start over. 

This verse comes from a song we used to sing in my high school youth group and I loved it. Today, the simplicity of it is reminder that God is the only one who can make me pure and renewed. 

        “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10 NIV

Love others, Give Opportunity, Judge Not

For years, I was angry at the homeless. Angry they wouldn't get a job, angry they would stare at me sitting in my car at the freeway exit, angry they wouldn't imply do something different to change their path in life. But that all changed one weekend in Boston.

It was a few years ago now, but my dad was suspected to be dying from cancer. We had heard he had been through chemo and was in a hospital. Throughout the years, many stories were told about liver cancer, adventures and brawls, but this time I knew it was different. It was a calling of a spiritual kind, one I had never experienced before. Driving to pick up my son from grandma's I could see my dad's face and I knew I needed to go to see him. Just a few weeks later, my brother and I were on a plane to Boston with only an address. My dad didn't know we were coming and if he did, he may have told us not to. He was sick.

Arriving in Boston, we went straight to the address in a pretty rough part of the city. As we drove into the neighbor, people stared and kept an eye on us. We approached the building without a code to get in and I peeked in the window. I called his name, with my brother behind me, worried about what would happen next. Finally, someone let us in and we found the "apartment," only to knock several times without an answer. I called "dad" again and again thinking it might take him a few minutes to get the door. After repeated knocks and no answer, a young boy comes down the stairs and tells us he called the ambulance the day before when the man we were looking for couldn't get up the steps of the building.

Now what? Find the nearest hospital. In downtown Boston, there were several but we knew of one he had been to before, so we headed over there only to find they were closed for the weekend under strict surveillance. No one was getting in. Eventually, we managed to get the security guard to hear our story. In a nutshell, "we came from California, we are here for our dad, and he might be sick."

By the next morning, we were in and sitting in a secluded room away from security and the red tape we passed through to get there. He was sick and weak and looked as if he were dying any day. He was gentle and honest about his life-where he had been, what he had done and where he was at that moment. He loved us and it was clear on his face. He had been places I never have imagined or would want to be. He made friends, he was lonely. He enjoyed the simple, yet had a hard life. He made choices that took him away from us, but here we were now. And in this moment, he was still my dad, frail and weak, and I loved him. He needed to know that, and he needed a second chance at life.

Homelessness is a disease. We could argue it is a man or woman's choice, and in many cases it may be, but there are two things I know: 1. In no way, is it my place to judge where people have been or the choices they have made; and 2. It is my responsibility to give so that others have the opportunity to be better. I have to trust that giving and loving is because that is what I am called to do, regardless of the response I get. We worry about them using our money for beer and drugs. We complain they will never get off the streets. We avoid making eye contact at the freeway exit. But in reality, none of that matters. What matters is you do what your heart leads you to do regardless of what the receiver chooses.

My dad lived on the streets and in month-stay motels for a few more years while in remission. We talked occasionally on the phone and I was planning to visit him again. He still drank beer, probably panhandled to get it, or maybe used his social security check, but either way, he was my dad. I used to be embarrassed by his life choices, but today, I understand that sometimes life takes a turn on you that you don't expect and you end up somewhere you wouldn't have chosen. We met again in a hospital in Vegas for the last time last Spring. I will never forget the way he looked at me, the way he always looked at me with love and sadness mixed together. He knew it was his time this was it.

Jumping on a plane to Boston with an ambiguous plan taught me more about the life of a homeless man and opened my heart to those that live life out in a way we don't always understand. But in those moments when I knew I needed to see him again, it was to tell him it was ok and he could have a do-over.

Each man and woman has a story. Whether or not, homelessness was a choice, it is lonely, dark and sometimes scary.

This year, our family has decided to be part of a bigger project of putting together bags filled with basic necessities for the homeless in Long Beach, a neighborhood only a few miles from where we live. A few years ago, I never would have considered helping the homeless because of my own dad, but today, because of a trip to Boston, I will give so that others have an opportunity to be better.