He's back!

I didn't check the mail for three days! No, I wasn't sick or snowed in and I passed the mailbox at least twice a day every day. Funny thing is, I never even realized it until Rob called me and said the mail was piled up on the front porch.

Who knew I had become so inept at maintaining order on my own? Now, don't get me wrong, I get up every morning, get myself ready and head out for work. I manage to teach writing and rhetoric and literature, grade papers, plan lessons, manage the COW (computer on wheels), answer the phone, answer questions, find things, lose things and then find them again, organize piles, create files, wash dishes and clothes and lunches, iron my clothes for the next day, make the budget and collect receipts to make sure everyone is using it, feed the cat, feed the dog, teach cardio, run a few miles, text my mom, call my dad, check fb and spend some time alone reading and writing...I think you get the point. My time management and organization is not lacking on most days.

BUT one week, Rob leaves town and the house falls apart.

Less than 24 hours since he left...

The dog is pacing all night waiting for him to come back, I can't sleep...because the dog is pacing all night and now scratching on my bed. A few hours later, I wake up and Jake is sick, the dog was sick and my student teacher quits. I go to the store for medicine, go to work, go to the library and go to the dojo, finally to return home feeling guilty I have left my sick child at school all day and then at grandma's most of the night.

The next morning, still sick child, lonely dog, and to add to the fun, the cat is staring me down perched on a pillow at 5 am. I guess she's hungry. You know the feeling of someone staring at you...that's what I felt, alone in the dark, in my room, from the CAT. Bad hair day, and a wardrobe malfunction-someone asked if I was dressed for Spirit Week. Out of gas, out of toilet paper, out of laundry soap and now, the oven isn't working. Need a shower, need a run, need some ice cream!

We all have those days, those weeks and sometimes even months where things just aren't working out the way you expect. It's how we respond that makes all the difference. Though only a few days, I was reminded that no matter what happens each day, life goes on. So what if the sink still has a few dishes in it, or the mail didn't get taken in, or my shirt had a button or two missing. No one noticed, or even cared. In the past, I would worry for days over things that made no difference one way or another, but this time, I seemed to just keep going no matter what got in my way. I know these are not all serious events but when mishaps continue throughout our day one after another, we can let it bog us down and distract us from the more important things in life. We have to stop in the chaos and remember what is important and lasting.

I thought this was going to be a long week, but thankfully, Rob decided to come home early.

Moving Forward in 2014

As the new year is here, many of us have already made a resolution that we believe will ultimately make us better in one way or another. In the past, as many others, I have wanted to lose weight, eat healthy, be nicer to people or give more hugs. 

Today, I don't really think about making resolutions but last week I asked my cardio girls if they made any resolutions and all I got was "to not make resolutions." The funny thing is no one really believes they will achieve their resolution so it becomes something we simply joke about. For those who do make a resolution, most fall off the wagon by the end of January, and if they are really committed they may make it through February, only to find themselves losing focus before March starts. 

About a year ago, I was convinced I had ran my last race after I injured my knee. But then a few weeks passed and I headed out in the neighborhood convincing myself that if I just kept going it would be fine. And it was for the first mile or so, but then it started to hurt. So what did I do? Kept running, of course, listening to my earbuds repeat every five minutes, "you are 2 minutes behind your goal." Each time I heard it, I tried to run faster only to start limping by the time I got home. Now you would think I would have stopped there. Oh no! I did this over and over again, sometimes crying my way through it. Not so much because of the pain but because I was so frustrated that my will was not strong enough to make the pain go away and run the distance I wanted to. My "resolution" was to run like I did before the injury. No short run, slow run, but a full speed ahead approach and I was failing. I thought with a strong mental attitude I could overcome it. No training, no stretching, no plan except to "go for it." I struggled for months until I finally realized I needed to warm up, run a little slower, and go shorter distance. Oftentimes, we jump into a goal without thinking about how will we get there and end up quitting or hurting ourselves because it is simply too hard mentally, physically or spiritually. 

In the last few months my knee started to feel better and my pace was picking up, so I committed to run another half marathon. A little nervous now because there's a challenge and my will wants to go fast again. But what I realized from before is that I cannot will myself to meet big challenges. When I want to challenge myself to change or meet a big goal, I have to do something every day. Run a mile today, maybe two tomorrow. Because each little goal eventually gets me to a faster pace and a stronger heart, I have to continually train. I no longer think about the day of the race as much as what I am doing right now to get me there. We have to focus each day to do something that will lead us to our goals. 

For me, the journey is the best part. Enjoy your life with intentional devotion and purpose, recognizing that the new year can be a fresh start, but you can make changes any time of the year. Set your goals, but remember you may need to warm up, run slow, and go short.

My Angel is Watching Over Me

For as long as I remember I was "Grammie's Little Angel."
Everyone knew it-my family and my friends.

She was always there
When my parents couldn't be,
When my life seemed to be falling apart,
In my successes and
In my sadness.

She was there
          to protect me, to love me and to care for me like no one else.

We watched movies together on a Friday night,

We ate Almond Roca and chocolate covered cherries,
We went shopping together on a Saturday afternoon,
And I packed it up to go home on Sunday.

We talked, we laughed, we cried.
         She told me stories of my grandfather I never met and my parents when they met.
         She remembered the day I was born and loved to tell me about it.

She was my safe place, I trusted her with my thoughts, my tears and my heart.
         She loved me back without condition.

She was there.
From junior high band concerts to cheering at a high school football game,
She never missed a moment.
When I danced on the football field with the drill team,
When I fell in love and when my heart broke.
When I got my first job,
When I needed to get away from home,
When I graduated,
And when I got married.

She taught me to drive,
She made my prom dress,
She helped me buy my first car and my first house.

And then one day it all changed...
I have missed her for a long time
I have missed her sarcasm and her honesty
I have missed sharing my life with her as an adult
And have missed talking, laughing, crying with her when the disease took her from me.

Hope stayed in my heart, hope she would remember and return
And I would still be "Grammie's Little Angel" one day.
We could catch up and I could comb her hair and she could tell me how proud she was of me.

But now she is gone and I only have a memory.
I miss her still and more than ever but I know
She is now my Angel and I can look forward to dancing with her in heaven.

"No more pain, no more sadness

No more suffering, no more tears

No more sin, no more sickness

No injustice, no more death

There is joy everlasting

There is gladness, there is peace

There'll be wine ever flowing

There's a wedding, there's a feast"

Matt Redman, "Because of You, There's a Place"

God is Here

This morning, while reading I came across Billy Graham's words and was reminded of why we celebrate this season. 

Truly, God works in mysterious ways. The wheels of His mercy and justice move quietly, but they do move. The birth of Jesus Christ — the Son of God, our Savior — went unnoticed by the vast majority of the world that first Christmas night, but no event in human history was more significant. May His birth — and all it means — not go unnoticed in our lives! -Billy Graham

Unfortunately, in the midst of a busy season, we get distracted by shopping and dinners and parties and we forget why we are so busy. Sometimes we build great traditions only to make them become burdens with the craziness of the days before Christmas. In the sprint and fun of the season, baking cookies, wrapping presents and dressing up for parties, let us not forget the real reason for the celebration of giving and the activity that is occurring in our lives today. 

God came as an innocent child to save us and he came quietly. He came to save us from death and give us eternity, yet we are too busy to notice. When a baby is born we get excited. We want to hold him, touch her or just simply stare at the wonder of the life that has been given to us. Let us get excited for the miraculous birth that is Jesus. Let us love one another in the way He loved us, enough to come miraculously and give sacrificially. It truly is a miracle to celebrate!

More than I expected

Today, I woke up deciding to make a change.

It started with a trip to the doctor. Yes, the doctor for an annual exam, no less. I never look forward to these trips necessarily, except to hear the latest scoop on what the doc has been up to. He is always working on a project; whether it is writing a book, speaking at a church locally or this time, starting his blog. As we shared life together in those few short moments, my decision to make a change was confirmed. I know he cares about my family, not just from a medical perspective but from a real place in his heart. You see, the doc was with us when Jacob was born and has cared for our family ever since.  He continues to see us through it all-from my post baby blues when he would ask genuinely, "How are you doing?" to first shots, high school physicals and our growth through some trying times.  In our visit and through our conversation, I was reminded and encouraged by his love to love others and to live daily focusing helping others. 

Back at home, I stopped a neighbor to catch up as we were both walking in. In just a few short moments, we shared our lives together. Not a lot of details, but a short chat to catch up. She, too, encouraged me in ways she may not have realized with her non-judgmental attitude towards others and her smile through some of her toughest experiences. 

As I set out to make a change today to love others more freely, I had received the love of others. My change wasn't about making me feel good as much as it was to share my joy with others. But it did feel good! And that is just what happens when we build communities around us with people we know and even those we don't. Just a simple "Hey Lady" to the neighbor sparked a genuine conversation and connection. We need to remember it is not about our needs but it is about loving each other and building a sense of community every where you go. It's about creating a small town around you where every one knows your name and accepts you for who you are and where you are in that moment. It's about buying magazines, candy or wrapping paper from the neighbor's kids, even if you have more than enough for the year. It's about taking time to recognize when someone is struggling and actually doing something about it.

God used my doctor and neighbor today to encourage and love on me when I set out to love others. We live in a culture that wants to isolate itself and not take responsibility for others. We think we want to be left alone and not be bothered by the knock at the door or the phone ringing. Guilty myself, I realized I have shut people out at times I needed them the most. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't want to be the lonely one. The one who was too busy to stop for a chat with the neighbor, too busy to call a friend when she may be struggling with a decision, or be so disconnected I didn't even notice when someone needed me. 

We are better together.

We need each other.

We were designed to love and be loved. 

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands cannot quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

Joy Comes in the Morning

Having a thankful heart in the every day is sometimes hard when we are faced with the unexpected. Whether it be a freeway closure in the middle of the night sending you on a journey you hadn't planned after a long day or driving to work only to find that the peanut butter and jelly sandwich you made for your son is somehow on the front of your skirt, each of us have days where things don't seem to go as planned. 

Having a thankful heart in the every day is sometimes hard when we are faced with obstacles that seem endless. Whether it is the death of a loved one and the pain that lingers, a friend battling cancer for the past three years and it keeps coming back or a child going wayward, we each have trials we have to face.

Having a thankful heart in the every day is sometimes hard when we sense our dreams have been shattered or impossible. 

BUT if we change our perspective to a heart of gratitude instead of focusing on the things we may not be able to control, we will experience Joy. True joy is in experiencing the everyday with a new perspective. To see the troubles from a different viewpoint and see every day as a day to celebrate. Even when we are down or things aren't going our way, we can be sure that by being thankful joy will come in the morning. When we change our perspective we begin to see the beauty in the unexpected, the goodness in the obstacles, and the possibility of a new dream. 

This weekend, I was challenged to "wield the pen like a sword in the dark," so I decided to write down and share the things I am thankful for today. I will start with a top ten, and then, I challenge you to do the same.

10 reasons why I am thankful for today:

1. A God that loves me more than anyone on earth and has accepted me just the way I am, no matter what. His love is greater than I can imagine and he has given me strength when I thought life wasn't worth living, when my insecurities took over and when I was lonely. 
2. A husband who supports my every move. He stands up for me even when I may say dumb things in public, even if I may be embarrassing. He stands next to me in all my decisions. He guides our family with his love, concern and strong spirit. He loves others better than himself and he is an example of the character I want to be.
3. A son who loves others, cares for his friends and has a moral conscience that keeps him out of trouble...most of the time. He loves his dog, his grandma and grandpa, Taylor Swift. We share some of the best times of my life together. 
4. A mother who worked hard to provide a home and good school for my brother and I so that we would have a better life. One who loves her grandson with all her heart and does what ever she can to support and help him, whether it is a meal while I am still working or a place to sit and relax. 
5. A brother who is loyal and someone I can trust and call on whenever I need to and for whatever I need. 
6. A father who loved me always and even when he may not be around, I can count on that phone call he always ends with, "I love you, baby."
7. A man I call John, who loves my mother wholly, takes care of her and provides for her, and is the best grandpa my son could ever have. His love for Jacob makes me smile all the time. 
8. A grandmother who guided me, supported me and loved me like no other. She showed me what it meant to be faithful and true, what it meant to stand up for I believed in even if she didn't agree. 
9. A grandmother (I am fortunate to have two!) who took time to know what I love. She shares fresh tomatoes and cucumbers; she makes my clothes fit perfectly and she teaches me strength through her life.
10. A grandfather who has since gone to be with the Lord who taught me what it means to be an American, one who never held back on what he believed.
11. I have just one more...A friend who may never know how much I love her and care about her. She accepts me as I am with my outbursts, quirks and strange behavior on a daily basis and I know she doesn't always or ever get me but she's ok with that, too. 

Pure Joy...and this is only the beginning! I would love to see your list and hear about your joy.

"His goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life."

Inspired by Ann Voscamp

Grace Changes Everything

I have a clean driving record yet have been pulled over a few times. Each time, I know I deserve a ticket but for some reason, I am waived on. Years ago, I had returned a credit card machine from our business to the company and they never received it. As a result, they charged us a significant amount of money for the product. Because I hadn't mailed it with a delivery receipt, they had every right to charge me. When I called the woman on the phone, she apparently heard the stress in my voice and waived the fee.

Interestingly enough, as much as I have received grace, I have not always given it freely. In fact, I am a rule follower and have thought that anyone who didn't follow the rules deserved what they got. If your assignment is late, you get docked points; if you speed; you get a ticket; pay late, pay a fee; you get the point.

In the last year, I have come to realize that grace changes everything. Accepting God's grace has given me the freedom to love others more and appreciate those around me for who they are. For many years, a situation I had thought had been buried and let go, continued to resurface. Trying to forget it wasn't working so I had to face it, forgive it and extend grace on the situation. Over and over, every time I forgive and extend grace, more peace comes. Letting go of what I think is "fair" has inevitably made a difference in my attitude towards others. Grace is a "gift that brings joy" and I finally feel that joy. We all make mistakes and even hurt each other deeply, but if we continue to hold a grudge or want others to pay for what they did, we will never experience true joy. Accepting grace and extending grace closes gaps in relationships and allows you to have the freedom to love more fully and live the very good life.