For Such a Time as This

Our husbands introduced us after they met at the car wash one Saturday afternoon. We become friends instantly when we realized we both loved to work out and lived close by. She rides a bike, I run. She pushes me to 20 miles, I push her to 5. She has girls, I have Jake. She has him and I have Rob. Our lives merged with conversations about kids, husbands, finances, jobs, weight loss and working out. It's only been about a year, but the one thing I love about our friendship is the love we both feel deeply for our kids and husband. Having a friend who deeply loves and cares for her kids and respects her husband in the same way has been such a blessing in my life the past year.

"My heart is breaking," she tells me repeatedly as I sit with her in the hospital room while her husband lay a few feet away from us with tubes, and needles and a whole lot of stuff poking into his body I don't understand. I don't even try, but it is obvious this is not going to be a quick recovery. She is tired, sad and although, I have met a new friend each time I am there, she is lonely.

"My whole life is laying in that bed," she manages to get out holding back tears and wiping her face. I can't respond, nothing I can say will take away the pain and the fear she has at this moment. Her friends keep telling her "you're strong, you're a fighter, he's a fighter, stay positive," but really is that enough to make it through the pain. I consider myself a strong woman who has put up with and dealt with a lot of nonsense in my life but this has nothing to do with being strong. I don't tell her to be strong, I tell her sleep and eat because she needs to be well. I tell her talk to him and let him know she is there but she does all that. She rubs his arm and tells him to fight, she tells him she and the girls need him and they do.

She can't do anything else except wait...and wait...and wait until there's a change. I pray, and I pray and ask others to pray but I can't do anything else either. The clif bars, the banana, the crystal light, and today, the flowers I bring to remind them of the beauty of life and chocolate because...it's chocolate (Need I say more, girls?) can't take away the pain. I am not strong and it nearly breaks my heart to see her so sad. When I go to see her, I pack a bag of snacks and water, and I pray that it will be better than the day before. But I hold back the tears as she does too. We sit and she tells me the same story again and again. The updates, the visits, the blood tests, the drains, she can't think of anything else. Living in her "nightmare," as she calls it repeatedly, the outside world just keep going. I come showered, after a workout and a day working and ask about the kids, they haven't come to see him. "They can't see him like this," she says. And again, I connect, thinking about Jacob and how he might handle a situation like this, how I might. And I get it.

Her life has stopped for the moment and nothing else matters. When asked what we can do, "the only thing I want," she cries, "is for him to get better."

This story isn't over yet and we will be celebrating his life when he returns home but we have to remind ourselves of how quickly our lives can change. In an instant, we can be in a situation we never expected and in those times we have to be able to depend on one another for support. I am thankful I am able to be there, and I just pray that I am never to busy to notice and be available when those close to me need me. My concern for others is great but I am not very good at expressing it or knowing what to say or do. Through this and two recent losses in our family, I have realized it doesn't matter what you say or do, you just need to be there.

We only met a year ago, but I believe we were introduced "for such a time as this."

Change is Good

It's happened to us all. Just when we think we got it all under control, bam! something rocks our world. Our lives are constantly changing whether we want it to or not, and sometimes those changes are unexpected. Situations we intentionally change can be exciting while those that surprise us can throw us off our game. It is in the times of the unexpected that we have to remember that we are not in control and that there is a bigger plan for our lives.

Change is good.
    It helps us to see things with new perspectives.
    It causes us to grow personally, spiritually and emotionally.
    It forces us to find our boundaries.
    It defines our values and beliefs, making us stronger.
    It challenges our relationships and attitudes.
    It brings newness to the mundane.
    It holds us accountable to what we believe about the situation we are in.
    It creates new perspectives, new boundaries, new beliefs, new relationships.

Although, change can be uncomfortable and even scary at times, new chapters in our lives make us stronger as people and remind us that nothing is permanent in this world. God has a plan for us all and when situations change, it is another reminder that we are not in charge, no matter how much we try.

Deuteronomy 4:39

Acknowledge and take to heart this day that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth below. There is no other.

   

Are you an option or a priority?

 “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” -Maya Angelou

I love this quote by Maya Angelou and when a friend posted it on facebook, I realized I needed to change a few things. Not only have I been guilty of shunning someone who has made me a priority but I have spent too much time on those who consider me an option. You know who they are. The one you call and don't hear back from for a few days. The one who cancels every time you make a plan. The one who recognizes when something is wrong but moves on anyway. In our feelings of neglect, we worry, thinking we did something wrong or feel we aren't good enough. We often feel rejected and then worry some more. We allow others to make us feel inadequate. It is ridiculous actually, but our emotions get the best of us during these times. It is time to let it go. It isn't that we stop caring or stop being kind or grow anger or bitter towards anyone, but instead of focusing on the ones who strip our hearts and bring us down, we have to start focusing on those who do call back, who do keep plans and do care about us. In order to do that, we have to love continuously and let go of what we can't control. 

1 Corinthians 16:14, NIV Do everything in love.

It is Right in Front of You

Even when I want to throw a tantrum, stomp my feet and scream at the top of my lungs at something I want, I know God has a plan for me and I have to remind myself that He is in charge. 

Several times in my life I have thought about how unfair life is. I know I am not the only one. Haven't we all stomped our feet, maybe pouted a little and cried because things didn't go our way? It's only when we stop and look around at all the things that aren't fair that we did receive. Sometimes we get upset over the things we want and don't get and other times we forget about the things we get that we didn't ask for and definitely didn't deserve. 

It's time we focus on what we have rather than what we don't. What is given yet not deserved. What is right in front of us. It could your child, your spouse, your job. It could be your health, your opportunities, your friends. Find your peace. Whatever it is for you, love it-enjoy it-embrace it! 

God's plan for our lives is bigger than we can ever imagine but for us to realize it, we have to stop looking for something else. Everything is right in front of you, so find peace in the every day. 

Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” (NIV)

A dangerous game

Remember the game, "Telephone," we played as kids? As adults we play this game too often but now it has become or can become all too harmful to others. In the last few weeks, I have heard a few things about others that have rattled me a bit. Stories or incidents that saddened me and discouraged me in the moment, later to find out, the stories were not quite right, details left out and terrible assumptions made by those sharing with me.

False accusations and assumptions can be dangerous. We need to be careful with repeating things or sharing things that we are not fully aware of and that can later destroy or damage someone's reputation or credibility. Instead, find out the truth for yourself and lift each other up. The story you hear may only be partly true and someone may need your support. If someone is struggling or has made a bad choice, it is better to encourage them than share their story as a tragedy to others. 

Our world gives us enough to tear us down and overwhelm us, let's think the best in others and go to the sources, rather than repeat things we have no business talking about. 

Bittersweet Days

Being a parent brings so much life to our household. Some days we laugh so loud at the antics we play and we are rolling on the floor. Other days we sit quietly sharing the decisions of schedules and goals, discussing future plans. And some sad days are spent with broken hearts and spirits when things didn't go as we expected.

Jacob came into this world with eyes wide open ready to take on anything. He had a sense of humor and a prankster attitude from the time he could walk and we embraced it, even if it drove us crazy at times.

I never wanted to miss a moment with him. Most parents will tell you, "enjoy every moment, it goes by so fast." You never had to tell me that, time was going fast and every milestone I am still hanging on to with dear life.

In Kindergarten, I took the morning off and Rob and I walked our little guy in his maroon polo and tan shorts to the classroom. We walked around the room, found his desk, met the teacher and some kids, and then were shooed out for the day. I held back tears until I got in the car and cried all the way to work that morning. Some of you were there and remember it well. Even though I knew the day was coming, I had no idea how hard it would be.

As junior high approached, I dreaded the first day as if it were the last. Shortly, after the year started, I realized "this is fun" and wanted Jacob to stay in junior high forever. I know what you are thinking-"Junior high was the worst." But it wasn't! With Rob working at night, Jacob and I ate dinner out, shopped, and visited Disneyland often.

In February, Jacob turned 16 and again, I have been hanging on to every moment and every memory. It has been tough as mom to watch him drive a way in his car on a Saturday afternoon. So many of my friends have said, "it must be nice to not have to drive him around any more" but I have had some of the hardest days in the last month since the day he was born. Not because I worry about a car accident, as most probably do, but because my baby wants to be with his friends, explore his independence and simply, not hang out with mom.

Being a parent is challenging on so many levels but we have had fun, we have laughed and we have enjoyed time together. We never sacrificed our time together throughout the years and I don't regret one decision we ever made to be the parents we are today. I have been called a "helicopter mom" and been told to "cut the cord'" on more than one occasion. I broke all the rules of parenting, and didn't follow a plan or any book's suggestions, but I loved him and guided him in every way I could.

Now that he is gaining independence more and more each day, I am proud of the young man he is becoming. Loving him is easy and I look forward to all that life has to bring us as a family. God has given us such a gift in Jacob and has made life more exciting every day. Jacob has taught us so much through the years and we are thankful God has brought him into our lives 17 years ago. 

For now and forever, I will enjoy and appreciate holding on to every moment we have together. As parents, we have to trust that our love and guidance is enough . It is time for Jacob to make some decisions on his own and he may make a few wrong ones, but he will also make many right ones. Either way, it is important as parents we are there to encourage our kids when they are successful, and pick them up when things didn't go as they expected.

Proverbs 22:6 

Train up a child in the way he should go,

And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Looking for a new job

Our society praises those who are constantly rising to the top. We give awards to perfect attendance, years of service and hard working men and women who come to work early and leave late. Not to say having a strong work ethic is a bad thing but is it the one thing that defines us? When we spend all of our time working, we lose the time with our families and friends building lasting relationships that matter much more than the job you have. Of course, a job can bring new friends together and give you satisfaction, but when you retire or quit, how many will remember you? And what will they remember you for? Some of us make a difference in our work but the reality is, when you are gone, they find someone else to fill your spot. We have lost sight if the balance in our lives and spend too much time trying to keep up with schedules that wear us out and have us moving from work to soccer practice to eating dinner on the way and finally crashing once we finally make it home. 

Is that satisfying you? Are you fulfilled with the rat race we call success today? Are you busy doing what you want or what someone else wants?

I decided a few weeks ago I would not let my job define me as much as allow God to be used in great ways through me. When I am work, I will do what I need to do to fulfill my responsibilities but I will also make time for those around me, spending time at the neighborhood bonfires, go camping with the family, walk the dogs as many days as possible and enjoy lunch with a friend. I am guilty of allowing my work to take up most of my days and feeling stressed and overwhelmed most of the time. For me, summer is always a time of reflection on the past year and planning the next year. As I look forward, I want to give more, take less and enjoy the simple things around me every day. Life really has so much more to offer when we do it with others and for others, rather than focusing on how we can make it to the top. 

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. (Colossians 3:23, 24 NIV)