A dangerous game

Remember the game, "Telephone," we played as kids? As adults we play this game too often but now it has become or can become all too harmful to others. In the last few weeks, I have heard a few things about others that have rattled me a bit. Stories or incidents that saddened me and discouraged me in the moment, later to find out, the stories were not quite right, details left out and terrible assumptions made by those sharing with me.

False accusations and assumptions can be dangerous. We need to be careful with repeating things or sharing things that we are not fully aware of and that can later destroy or damage someone's reputation or credibility. Instead, find out the truth for yourself and lift each other up. The story you hear may only be partly true and someone may need your support. If someone is struggling or has made a bad choice, it is better to encourage them than share their story as a tragedy to others. 

Our world gives us enough to tear us down and overwhelm us, let's think the best in others and go to the sources, rather than repeat things we have no business talking about. 

Bittersweet Days

Being a parent brings so much life to our household. Some days we laugh so loud at the antics we play and we are rolling on the floor. Other days we sit quietly sharing the decisions of schedules and goals, discussing future plans. And some sad days are spent with broken hearts and spirits when things didn't go as we expected.

Jacob came into this world with eyes wide open ready to take on anything. He had a sense of humor and a prankster attitude from the time he could walk and we embraced it, even if it drove us crazy at times.

I never wanted to miss a moment with him. Most parents will tell you, "enjoy every moment, it goes by so fast." You never had to tell me that, time was going fast and every milestone I am still hanging on to with dear life.

In Kindergarten, I took the morning off and Rob and I walked our little guy in his maroon polo and tan shorts to the classroom. We walked around the room, found his desk, met the teacher and some kids, and then were shooed out for the day. I held back tears until I got in the car and cried all the way to work that morning. Some of you were there and remember it well. Even though I knew the day was coming, I had no idea how hard it would be.

As junior high approached, I dreaded the first day as if it were the last. Shortly, after the year started, I realized "this is fun" and wanted Jacob to stay in junior high forever. I know what you are thinking-"Junior high was the worst." But it wasn't! With Rob working at night, Jacob and I ate dinner out, shopped, and visited Disneyland often.

In February, Jacob turned 16 and again, I have been hanging on to every moment and every memory. It has been tough as mom to watch him drive a way in his car on a Saturday afternoon. So many of my friends have said, "it must be nice to not have to drive him around any more" but I have had some of the hardest days in the last month since the day he was born. Not because I worry about a car accident, as most probably do, but because my baby wants to be with his friends, explore his independence and simply, not hang out with mom.

Being a parent is challenging on so many levels but we have had fun, we have laughed and we have enjoyed time together. We never sacrificed our time together throughout the years and I don't regret one decision we ever made to be the parents we are today. I have been called a "helicopter mom" and been told to "cut the cord'" on more than one occasion. I broke all the rules of parenting, and didn't follow a plan or any book's suggestions, but I loved him and guided him in every way I could.

Now that he is gaining independence more and more each day, I am proud of the young man he is becoming. Loving him is easy and I look forward to all that life has to bring us as a family. God has given us such a gift in Jacob and has made life more exciting every day. Jacob has taught us so much through the years and we are thankful God has brought him into our lives 17 years ago. 

For now and forever, I will enjoy and appreciate holding on to every moment we have together. As parents, we have to trust that our love and guidance is enough . It is time for Jacob to make some decisions on his own and he may make a few wrong ones, but he will also make many right ones. Either way, it is important as parents we are there to encourage our kids when they are successful, and pick them up when things didn't go as they expected.

Proverbs 22:6 

Train up a child in the way he should go,

And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Looking for a new job

Our society praises those who are constantly rising to the top. We give awards to perfect attendance, years of service and hard working men and women who come to work early and leave late. Not to say having a strong work ethic is a bad thing but is it the one thing that defines us? When we spend all of our time working, we lose the time with our families and friends building lasting relationships that matter much more than the job you have. Of course, a job can bring new friends together and give you satisfaction, but when you retire or quit, how many will remember you? And what will they remember you for? Some of us make a difference in our work but the reality is, when you are gone, they find someone else to fill your spot. We have lost sight if the balance in our lives and spend too much time trying to keep up with schedules that wear us out and have us moving from work to soccer practice to eating dinner on the way and finally crashing once we finally make it home. 

Is that satisfying you? Are you fulfilled with the rat race we call success today? Are you busy doing what you want or what someone else wants?

I decided a few weeks ago I would not let my job define me as much as allow God to be used in great ways through me. When I am work, I will do what I need to do to fulfill my responsibilities but I will also make time for those around me, spending time at the neighborhood bonfires, go camping with the family, walk the dogs as many days as possible and enjoy lunch with a friend. I am guilty of allowing my work to take up most of my days and feeling stressed and overwhelmed most of the time. For me, summer is always a time of reflection on the past year and planning the next year. As I look forward, I want to give more, take less and enjoy the simple things around me every day. Life really has so much more to offer when we do it with others and for others, rather than focusing on how we can make it to the top. 

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. (Colossians 3:23, 24 NIV)

Not What I Expected

In the last few weeks, I have had the opportunity to watch people come together for a cause bigger than they probably even imagine. Recently, our non-profit acquired a cabin in Big Bear, something Rob has worked on for over a year now with the purpose of using it to serve and support others. This project has helped me see how truly simple life is when you surround yourself with those who freely give. I have learned a lot of lessons in the short time we have been working on the place but none as significant, so far, as the drive we took last week. Picking up a friend of my brother's, one that I realized is not 18 anymore, but an adult, one that loves and cares for people passionately; I was reminded at how complicated I make things sometimes. Through his life, his stories and his excitement for the work ahead, I realized how I worry about insignificant things, focus on what others think, and get a little too selfish at times.

We all have a chance to make a difference in the lives of those around us and sometimes we are too caught up in ourselves; we miss the opportunities. I don't know about you, but being so busy we don't have time to help a friend out isn't nearly as satisfying as being a part of something that will make a difference in people's lives for years to come. 

My heart was changed that day and I can't wait to see what else is ahead. Let's appreciate all that we have, give freely and love without expectation.  I think, then, we will truly love a life of abundance. 

Sticks and Stones

"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you." You've all heard it and most of us have probably even chanted it in the school yard when some meanie called us names or accused us of something. But the reality is, that as adults, we realize words are more harmful than we ever could imagine. 

Our words can be used to tear someone down or lift them up. I don't know about you but I've been the target of my fair share of tear downs and in bad judgement I've said hurtful things to others as well. In the heat of the moment, when we are angry or feel like someone has gone against us, we may say things we later regret. When that happens, it is best to admit fault, apologize and hopefully move on, waiting for the next opportunity that may be used to lift that person up. Every day we have an opportunity to lift someone up through encouragement and love with our words. 

"...we should realise the enormous potential that every human being has to affect the lives of others through their tongues. We may not have the power that comes from money, fame or position, but all of us have the power and the potential that come from being able to communicate with words." -Nick Gumbel

He's back!

I didn't check the mail for three days! No, I wasn't sick or snowed in and I passed the mailbox at least twice a day every day. Funny thing is, I never even realized it until Rob called me and said the mail was piled up on the front porch.

Who knew I had become so inept at maintaining order on my own? Now, don't get me wrong, I get up every morning, get myself ready and head out for work. I manage to teach writing and rhetoric and literature, grade papers, plan lessons, manage the COW (computer on wheels), answer the phone, answer questions, find things, lose things and then find them again, organize piles, create files, wash dishes and clothes and lunches, iron my clothes for the next day, make the budget and collect receipts to make sure everyone is using it, feed the cat, feed the dog, teach cardio, run a few miles, text my mom, call my dad, check fb and spend some time alone reading and writing...I think you get the point. My time management and organization is not lacking on most days.

BUT one week, Rob leaves town and the house falls apart.

Less than 24 hours since he left...

The dog is pacing all night waiting for him to come back, I can't sleep...because the dog is pacing all night and now scratching on my bed. A few hours later, I wake up and Jake is sick, the dog was sick and my student teacher quits. I go to the store for medicine, go to work, go to the library and go to the dojo, finally to return home feeling guilty I have left my sick child at school all day and then at grandma's most of the night.

The next morning, still sick child, lonely dog, and to add to the fun, the cat is staring me down perched on a pillow at 5 am. I guess she's hungry. You know the feeling of someone staring at you...that's what I felt, alone in the dark, in my room, from the CAT. Bad hair day, and a wardrobe malfunction-someone asked if I was dressed for Spirit Week. Out of gas, out of toilet paper, out of laundry soap and now, the oven isn't working. Need a shower, need a run, need some ice cream!

We all have those days, those weeks and sometimes even months where things just aren't working out the way you expect. It's how we respond that makes all the difference. Though only a few days, I was reminded that no matter what happens each day, life goes on. So what if the sink still has a few dishes in it, or the mail didn't get taken in, or my shirt had a button or two missing. No one noticed, or even cared. In the past, I would worry for days over things that made no difference one way or another, but this time, I seemed to just keep going no matter what got in my way. I know these are not all serious events but when mishaps continue throughout our day one after another, we can let it bog us down and distract us from the more important things in life. We have to stop in the chaos and remember what is important and lasting.

I thought this was going to be a long week, but thankfully, Rob decided to come home early.

Moving Forward in 2014

As the new year is here, many of us have already made a resolution that we believe will ultimately make us better in one way or another. In the past, as many others, I have wanted to lose weight, eat healthy, be nicer to people or give more hugs. 

Today, I don't really think about making resolutions but last week I asked my cardio girls if they made any resolutions and all I got was "to not make resolutions." The funny thing is no one really believes they will achieve their resolution so it becomes something we simply joke about. For those who do make a resolution, most fall off the wagon by the end of January, and if they are really committed they may make it through February, only to find themselves losing focus before March starts. 

About a year ago, I was convinced I had ran my last race after I injured my knee. But then a few weeks passed and I headed out in the neighborhood convincing myself that if I just kept going it would be fine. And it was for the first mile or so, but then it started to hurt. So what did I do? Kept running, of course, listening to my earbuds repeat every five minutes, "you are 2 minutes behind your goal." Each time I heard it, I tried to run faster only to start limping by the time I got home. Now you would think I would have stopped there. Oh no! I did this over and over again, sometimes crying my way through it. Not so much because of the pain but because I was so frustrated that my will was not strong enough to make the pain go away and run the distance I wanted to. My "resolution" was to run like I did before the injury. No short run, slow run, but a full speed ahead approach and I was failing. I thought with a strong mental attitude I could overcome it. No training, no stretching, no plan except to "go for it." I struggled for months until I finally realized I needed to warm up, run a little slower, and go shorter distance. Oftentimes, we jump into a goal without thinking about how will we get there and end up quitting or hurting ourselves because it is simply too hard mentally, physically or spiritually. 

In the last few months my knee started to feel better and my pace was picking up, so I committed to run another half marathon. A little nervous now because there's a challenge and my will wants to go fast again. But what I realized from before is that I cannot will myself to meet big challenges. When I want to challenge myself to change or meet a big goal, I have to do something every day. Run a mile today, maybe two tomorrow. Because each little goal eventually gets me to a faster pace and a stronger heart, I have to continually train. I no longer think about the day of the race as much as what I am doing right now to get me there. We have to focus each day to do something that will lead us to our goals. 

For me, the journey is the best part. Enjoy your life with intentional devotion and purpose, recognizing that the new year can be a fresh start, but you can make changes any time of the year. Set your goals, but remember you may need to warm up, run slow, and go short.