Not What I Expected

In the last few weeks, I have had the opportunity to watch people come together for a cause bigger than they probably even imagine. Recently, our non-profit acquired a cabin in Big Bear, something Rob has worked on for over a year now with the purpose of using it to serve and support others. This project has helped me see how truly simple life is when you surround yourself with those who freely give. I have learned a lot of lessons in the short time we have been working on the place but none as significant, so far, as the drive we took last week. Picking up a friend of my brother's, one that I realized is not 18 anymore, but an adult, one that loves and cares for people passionately; I was reminded at how complicated I make things sometimes. Through his life, his stories and his excitement for the work ahead, I realized how I worry about insignificant things, focus on what others think, and get a little too selfish at times.

We all have a chance to make a difference in the lives of those around us and sometimes we are too caught up in ourselves; we miss the opportunities. I don't know about you, but being so busy we don't have time to help a friend out isn't nearly as satisfying as being a part of something that will make a difference in people's lives for years to come. 

My heart was changed that day and I can't wait to see what else is ahead. Let's appreciate all that we have, give freely and love without expectation.  I think, then, we will truly love a life of abundance. 

Sticks and Stones

"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you." You've all heard it and most of us have probably even chanted it in the school yard when some meanie called us names or accused us of something. But the reality is, that as adults, we realize words are more harmful than we ever could imagine. 

Our words can be used to tear someone down or lift them up. I don't know about you but I've been the target of my fair share of tear downs and in bad judgement I've said hurtful things to others as well. In the heat of the moment, when we are angry or feel like someone has gone against us, we may say things we later regret. When that happens, it is best to admit fault, apologize and hopefully move on, waiting for the next opportunity that may be used to lift that person up. Every day we have an opportunity to lift someone up through encouragement and love with our words. 

"...we should realise the enormous potential that every human being has to affect the lives of others through their tongues. We may not have the power that comes from money, fame or position, but all of us have the power and the potential that come from being able to communicate with words." -Nick Gumbel

He's back!

I didn't check the mail for three days! No, I wasn't sick or snowed in and I passed the mailbox at least twice a day every day. Funny thing is, I never even realized it until Rob called me and said the mail was piled up on the front porch.

Who knew I had become so inept at maintaining order on my own? Now, don't get me wrong, I get up every morning, get myself ready and head out for work. I manage to teach writing and rhetoric and literature, grade papers, plan lessons, manage the COW (computer on wheels), answer the phone, answer questions, find things, lose things and then find them again, organize piles, create files, wash dishes and clothes and lunches, iron my clothes for the next day, make the budget and collect receipts to make sure everyone is using it, feed the cat, feed the dog, teach cardio, run a few miles, text my mom, call my dad, check fb and spend some time alone reading and writing...I think you get the point. My time management and organization is not lacking on most days.

BUT one week, Rob leaves town and the house falls apart.

Less than 24 hours since he left...

The dog is pacing all night waiting for him to come back, I can't sleep...because the dog is pacing all night and now scratching on my bed. A few hours later, I wake up and Jake is sick, the dog was sick and my student teacher quits. I go to the store for medicine, go to work, go to the library and go to the dojo, finally to return home feeling guilty I have left my sick child at school all day and then at grandma's most of the night.

The next morning, still sick child, lonely dog, and to add to the fun, the cat is staring me down perched on a pillow at 5 am. I guess she's hungry. You know the feeling of someone staring at you...that's what I felt, alone in the dark, in my room, from the CAT. Bad hair day, and a wardrobe malfunction-someone asked if I was dressed for Spirit Week. Out of gas, out of toilet paper, out of laundry soap and now, the oven isn't working. Need a shower, need a run, need some ice cream!

We all have those days, those weeks and sometimes even months where things just aren't working out the way you expect. It's how we respond that makes all the difference. Though only a few days, I was reminded that no matter what happens each day, life goes on. So what if the sink still has a few dishes in it, or the mail didn't get taken in, or my shirt had a button or two missing. No one noticed, or even cared. In the past, I would worry for days over things that made no difference one way or another, but this time, I seemed to just keep going no matter what got in my way. I know these are not all serious events but when mishaps continue throughout our day one after another, we can let it bog us down and distract us from the more important things in life. We have to stop in the chaos and remember what is important and lasting.

I thought this was going to be a long week, but thankfully, Rob decided to come home early.

Moving Forward in 2014

As the new year is here, many of us have already made a resolution that we believe will ultimately make us better in one way or another. In the past, as many others, I have wanted to lose weight, eat healthy, be nicer to people or give more hugs. 

Today, I don't really think about making resolutions but last week I asked my cardio girls if they made any resolutions and all I got was "to not make resolutions." The funny thing is no one really believes they will achieve their resolution so it becomes something we simply joke about. For those who do make a resolution, most fall off the wagon by the end of January, and if they are really committed they may make it through February, only to find themselves losing focus before March starts. 

About a year ago, I was convinced I had ran my last race after I injured my knee. But then a few weeks passed and I headed out in the neighborhood convincing myself that if I just kept going it would be fine. And it was for the first mile or so, but then it started to hurt. So what did I do? Kept running, of course, listening to my earbuds repeat every five minutes, "you are 2 minutes behind your goal." Each time I heard it, I tried to run faster only to start limping by the time I got home. Now you would think I would have stopped there. Oh no! I did this over and over again, sometimes crying my way through it. Not so much because of the pain but because I was so frustrated that my will was not strong enough to make the pain go away and run the distance I wanted to. My "resolution" was to run like I did before the injury. No short run, slow run, but a full speed ahead approach and I was failing. I thought with a strong mental attitude I could overcome it. No training, no stretching, no plan except to "go for it." I struggled for months until I finally realized I needed to warm up, run a little slower, and go shorter distance. Oftentimes, we jump into a goal without thinking about how will we get there and end up quitting or hurting ourselves because it is simply too hard mentally, physically or spiritually. 

In the last few months my knee started to feel better and my pace was picking up, so I committed to run another half marathon. A little nervous now because there's a challenge and my will wants to go fast again. But what I realized from before is that I cannot will myself to meet big challenges. When I want to challenge myself to change or meet a big goal, I have to do something every day. Run a mile today, maybe two tomorrow. Because each little goal eventually gets me to a faster pace and a stronger heart, I have to continually train. I no longer think about the day of the race as much as what I am doing right now to get me there. We have to focus each day to do something that will lead us to our goals. 

For me, the journey is the best part. Enjoy your life with intentional devotion and purpose, recognizing that the new year can be a fresh start, but you can make changes any time of the year. Set your goals, but remember you may need to warm up, run slow, and go short.

My Angel is Watching Over Me

For as long as I remember I was "Grammie's Little Angel."
Everyone knew it-my family and my friends.

She was always there
When my parents couldn't be,
When my life seemed to be falling apart,
In my successes and
In my sadness.

She was there
          to protect me, to love me and to care for me like no one else.

We watched movies together on a Friday night,

We ate Almond Roca and chocolate covered cherries,
We went shopping together on a Saturday afternoon,
And I packed it up to go home on Sunday.

We talked, we laughed, we cried.
         She told me stories of my grandfather I never met and my parents when they met.
         She remembered the day I was born and loved to tell me about it.

She was my safe place, I trusted her with my thoughts, my tears and my heart.
         She loved me back without condition.

She was there.
From junior high band concerts to cheering at a high school football game,
She never missed a moment.
When I danced on the football field with the drill team,
When I fell in love and when my heart broke.
When I got my first job,
When I needed to get away from home,
When I graduated,
And when I got married.

She taught me to drive,
She made my prom dress,
She helped me buy my first car and my first house.

And then one day it all changed...
I have missed her for a long time
I have missed her sarcasm and her honesty
I have missed sharing my life with her as an adult
And have missed talking, laughing, crying with her when the disease took her from me.

Hope stayed in my heart, hope she would remember and return
And I would still be "Grammie's Little Angel" one day.
We could catch up and I could comb her hair and she could tell me how proud she was of me.

But now she is gone and I only have a memory.
I miss her still and more than ever but I know
She is now my Angel and I can look forward to dancing with her in heaven.

"No more pain, no more sadness

No more suffering, no more tears

No more sin, no more sickness

No injustice, no more death

There is joy everlasting

There is gladness, there is peace

There'll be wine ever flowing

There's a wedding, there's a feast"

Matt Redman, "Because of You, There's a Place"

God is Here

This morning, while reading I came across Billy Graham's words and was reminded of why we celebrate this season. 

Truly, God works in mysterious ways. The wheels of His mercy and justice move quietly, but they do move. The birth of Jesus Christ — the Son of God, our Savior — went unnoticed by the vast majority of the world that first Christmas night, but no event in human history was more significant. May His birth — and all it means — not go unnoticed in our lives! -Billy Graham

Unfortunately, in the midst of a busy season, we get distracted by shopping and dinners and parties and we forget why we are so busy. Sometimes we build great traditions only to make them become burdens with the craziness of the days before Christmas. In the sprint and fun of the season, baking cookies, wrapping presents and dressing up for parties, let us not forget the real reason for the celebration of giving and the activity that is occurring in our lives today. 

God came as an innocent child to save us and he came quietly. He came to save us from death and give us eternity, yet we are too busy to notice. When a baby is born we get excited. We want to hold him, touch her or just simply stare at the wonder of the life that has been given to us. Let us get excited for the miraculous birth that is Jesus. Let us love one another in the way He loved us, enough to come miraculously and give sacrificially. It truly is a miracle to celebrate!

More than I expected

Today, I woke up deciding to make a change.

It started with a trip to the doctor. Yes, the doctor for an annual exam, no less. I never look forward to these trips necessarily, except to hear the latest scoop on what the doc has been up to. He is always working on a project; whether it is writing a book, speaking at a church locally or this time, starting his blog. As we shared life together in those few short moments, my decision to make a change was confirmed. I know he cares about my family, not just from a medical perspective but from a real place in his heart. You see, the doc was with us when Jacob was born and has cared for our family ever since.  He continues to see us through it all-from my post baby blues when he would ask genuinely, "How are you doing?" to first shots, high school physicals and our growth through some trying times.  In our visit and through our conversation, I was reminded and encouraged by his love to love others and to live daily focusing helping others. 

Back at home, I stopped a neighbor to catch up as we were both walking in. In just a few short moments, we shared our lives together. Not a lot of details, but a short chat to catch up. She, too, encouraged me in ways she may not have realized with her non-judgmental attitude towards others and her smile through some of her toughest experiences. 

As I set out to make a change today to love others more freely, I had received the love of others. My change wasn't about making me feel good as much as it was to share my joy with others. But it did feel good! And that is just what happens when we build communities around us with people we know and even those we don't. Just a simple "Hey Lady" to the neighbor sparked a genuine conversation and connection. We need to remember it is not about our needs but it is about loving each other and building a sense of community every where you go. It's about creating a small town around you where every one knows your name and accepts you for who you are and where you are in that moment. It's about buying magazines, candy or wrapping paper from the neighbor's kids, even if you have more than enough for the year. It's about taking time to recognize when someone is struggling and actually doing something about it.

God used my doctor and neighbor today to encourage and love on me when I set out to love others. We live in a culture that wants to isolate itself and not take responsibility for others. We think we want to be left alone and not be bothered by the knock at the door or the phone ringing. Guilty myself, I realized I have shut people out at times I needed them the most. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't want to be the lonely one. The one who was too busy to stop for a chat with the neighbor, too busy to call a friend when she may be struggling with a decision, or be so disconnected I didn't even notice when someone needed me. 

We are better together.

We need each other.

We were designed to love and be loved. 

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands cannot quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12